Hall of Pain: Fox takes one to the face

No, I don't like The Cure.

OK, I have two admissions to make: one, I named this post based on search engine potential; and two, thankfully, *very* thankfully, our Hall of Pain has been relatively barren so far this season (that sound you hear is my knuckles pounding on my IKEA desk, which is hopefully real wood) and since this was my face, I can say I’m stretching the whole pain part. Given my previous life in kickboxing and barroom brawling, I hardly earned this black eye, but heck, it was real purdy so I figured I’d post it.

Please note the Goth pose was adopted so that you could actually distinguish the black eye from the eye that merely has swollen, pronounced bags underneath it thanks to the recent procurement of my dissertation and the requisite inversely proportional relationship between maniacal editing and sleep.

Anyway, I took an elbow to the face in the pack, but subsequent blindness meant I never caught sight of who did it, just a vision of an arm coming at my face and me turning just enough not to catch it on the nose (Feisty Irish, who has been featured in the Hall of Pain for her two broken noses a la derby, sympathized on that angle.) I was inclined to blame Lindsay Lohanded, who might as well have her own branding iron given the bruises her hits tend to elicit (not to mention CynTax’s broken ribs), but unfortunately she was off the track at the time, so I am in need of a culprit. Alas, now I have a variety of purples (with very little in the wardrobe to coordinate), a boyfriend who is hesitant to go out in public with me, and a lot of explainin’ to do to my dissertation committee. Oh well, maybe it will inspire a bit of mercy.

Hall of Pain: Absolutely Scabulous eats rink

No, that’s not a fine goatee AbScab is sporting. In the midst of some hot derby action at practice last week, she took a full on sprawl and met the floor chin first. Thankfully, she had her mouthguard in, so she only ate floor and not her own tongue. The result was this lovely bruise and a raging headache the next day. Hot!

AbScab is thankful to still have her pretty teefs, and so would like this to serve as a public service announcement: ALWAYS WEAR YOUR MOUTHGUARD!

Hall of Pain: Steffen Razor’s knee

KillaByte co-captain, Dot.Kamikaze, and recently elected SVRG General Manager Steffen Razor knew she had knee surgery on the horizon, so she squeezed in one last skate at the Red Red Holiday tournament (where her team, Orange, came in 3rd) and then hopped on the surgical table four days later.

According to the doc, Stef’s knee problems preceded her derby involvement, but given the stress that derby puts on the knees, her sporting didn’t help. Essentially, her cartilage ended up with the consistency of sauerkraut, leading to fluid retention and stiffness in the knee. You can read the details about her injury and procedure at Rantin’ Razor.

In the meantime, send your well wishes and thoughts. Heal fast, Razor! Can’t wait to see you back on skates next season!

Hall of Pain: Death by Dollface’s shoulder

At practice on January 25th, an unruly shoelace felled the mighty Dollface by coming undone, wrapping around her skate, and causing her to plummet toward the concrete floor shoulder-first. The resulting injury was a rotator cuff tear with a nearly one-inch long break in the humerus. After nearly two months of pain and therapy, she underwent surgery on April 2; see pictures below. Now she is on the road to recovery, and SVRG eagerly awaits her return to the rink later this summer!

Hall of Pain: Feisty Irish breaks her nose

At our very first bout this season against Central Coast, Feisty took a sharp hit to the face. Putting the feist in feisty, she continued skating throughout the jam and waited until after the bout to hit the ER. Diagnosis: one broken nose. Here’s a supportive Donna Diggler pointing out the damage:

Fortunately Feisty’s healed completely!

Hall of Pain: Pia gets a shiner

Last night while scrimmaging Pia took not one but two hits to the eye…yowch! Pia had assured Lindsay Lohanded, who was returning from a knee injury, that she could hit Pia. After this blow, Pia said she should have clarified: “Legally!” Then she took a second hit to the same place, but she insisted on continuing to skate in the jam even as her eye nearly swelled shut. That’s some tough for ya!

UPDATE: Day 2. Look at that vibrant red! Be careful or Lady GaGa is going to rip that off for her next look.

Skater of the Month: Postal Servix

May Skater of the Month: Postal Servix! Photo Credit: Jim Cottingham

Postal Servix (formerly known as Secret Servix) is one of the KillaBytes’ secret weapons. She’s an all-around great skater with a jammer’s speed and a blocker’s killer hits (I can attest to this personally, having been knocked off my skates by one of her potent c-blocks!) Off the rink, she has helped coordinate volunteer opportunities for the team, including a demo at AchieveKids (where she teaches special needs students) and May’s volunteer event, the Walk for Autism.

How did you get into roller derby?

I saw an ad on Craigslist and became obsessed with the subculture! I have always loved to skate, but never fit in with the traditional jocks.

What kind of skating skills or athletic abilities did you have before starting derby?

I was a pretty good skater, but I wasn’t very agile and my endurance sucked. I have NEVER played a sport before. I was a marathon lounger.

How did you derive your derby name?

I like puns, and I like to play on the feminine moxie that makes roller derby so rad.

What is your greatest strength as a skater?

I’m a hard hitter, have decent speed and endurance, but I try really hard to be a team player. There can be no divas in derby!

What is your favorite derby memory?

Knocking our coach LTO on his butt during a hitting drill!

What was your worst injury, and how did you earn it?

I broke my ankle while standing in line for a drill. I kinda leave out the standing in line part when I tell the story though…

Check out this Hall of Pain action. Servix is now a bionic woman with an ankle made of STEEL!

Who are your favorite derby skaters, and why?

I love Demanda Riot for her swagger and amazing hitting form, and Brawllen Angel and Taxi Scab from BADG are amazing jammers.

Who are your biggest fans?

The parents of my students and my co-workers! They love watching a teacher kick butt! My family is back in the Midwest, so they haven’t seen me skate yet.

What’s your favorite thing about SVRG?

Being part of a team. My team is a huge part of my life, on and off the rink. It feels great to be a part of something so awesome.

What do you enjoy most about derby life off the rink?

Hanging with my girls, doing community service, and all of the fun events.

How do you spend the non-derby part of your life?

I love to read, knit, watch movies- I’m ready for some couch surfing after work and derby.

What’s the one piece of advice you would give women interested in playing roller derby?

Just like anything, it takes some time to get good, don’t give up!

Hall of Pain update: Double Knuckle$$’s arm hurts to look at

In case you didn’t see the previous post, Double Knuckle$$ had the misfortune of sustaining multiple falls right on the exact same durned spot before, during, and after May Day Massacre. She provided us with this visual update of her arm…yee-owch! I think it looks like she was stranded out on the tundra for a week and incurred severe frostbite. Don’t worry, she assured us it’s not going to fall off. Fingers crossed for a speedy recovery!

Hall of Pain: The Juice is bruised!

This is a classic from our files. Miss Juicy K. Tore thanks practicing C-blocks with Brawllen Angel for this beaut!