STRIKE!

Happy Holiday Helpers: Goose, Diggler, and Smash

The Silicon Valley Roller Girls spent a very special Thanksgiving with West Valley Community Services at Bowlmor Lanes in Cupertino, ensuring that many area low-income families had a day worthy of being thankful for.

Satan’s Kitten, Stevie Knickers, and Absolutely Scabulous served a beautiful Thanksgiving lunch (on roller skates of course!) alongside other Silicon Valley notables, including United Way CEO Carole Leigh Hutton, Assemblyman Paul Fong, Cupertino Mayor Kris Wang and Saratoga Councilwoman Jill Hunter.

Diggler dishes out dessert.

Smash N’ Burn, Mongoose, Latin Crippler, Lindsay Lohanded, Catherine Beata Bones, and Cannonball Iztik worked the food line and refilled drinks, while Donna Diggler cheered families on at the bowling lanes, and Postal Servix and Beth Sentence handed out SVRG giveaways to children.

The girls were welcomed with open arms and were provided a bowling pin to sign, which will be displayed in Bowlmor’s special case alongside pins from Jason Biggs and other celebrities. They also hosted a ‘Plank-Off Against a Derby Girl’ exercise challenge against Skooter Ov’r where children vied for a chance to take home one of four frozen turkey dinners for their families!

Bowling pin autographed by SVRG

West Valley Community Services is a private nonprofit agency that provides basic needs, family services, and housing assistance in Cupertino and other West Valley communities, such as Monte Sereno, Saratoga, Los Gatos, West San Jose and the unincorporated mountain region. In 2010 thus far, SVRG has completed over 550 community service hours, and looks forward to working with WVCS again soon.

SVRG KillaBytes topple Lake Tahoe Derby Dames, 123-48

The KillaBytes warm up under the redwoods at the Lake Tahoe Derby Dames' dreamy venue. Photo: Amy Anderson.

The KillaBytes had already taken some hits to the roster from Satan’s Kitten’s separated shoulder, Absolutely Scabulous’s recent concussion, and a last-minute work obligation from Catherine Beata Bones, so they were down to 13 for this bout. Spirits were high, though, because the Killas were happy to welcome back former co-captain Steffin’ Razor, whose return from knee surgery had been delayed due to a subsequent concussion. The Killas were also excited to debut a new member, Tennessee Smitan, who graduated from bootcamp this spring and made her first roster.

In true form, SVRG made it rain—literally. A couple of hours before the bout, the skies became overcast, thunder rolled in the distance, and the drizzle began. Normally, this isn’t much an issue for roller derby bouts, but the Tahoe venue was an outdoor rink, placidly set beneath the towering redwoods at a nearby park. The rain tapered off shortly before the doors were set to open, and thanks to the hard work of the refs, NSOs, and volunteers from Tahoe and SVRG, the track was squeegeed and blow-dried enough for the bout to go on with only a slight delay. Both teams were aware that the rain had made for a confounding factor, however—despite the cleanup, the floor was still super slippery. Turns were hard to hold, speed was difficult to pick up and maintain due to the lack of traction, and juking and other agile footwork was extremely difficult.

Unfortunately, pileups were all too common on the slick surface. Here, Zootown Throwdown and a Lake Tahoe skater are entangled.

Within the first few jams, the Killas worked to adjust to the track conditions. The pack was sluggish and the jammers struggled to determine optimal speeds to make it through quickly without wiping out. The Lake Tahoe Derby Dames were particularly adept at using their momentum to deliver powerful hits to the outside, and the KillaBytes were happy to engage their strong defense with their own killa hits. Due to the track, however, almost any forceful hit ended  up with at least one skater on the ground, if not both, resulting in some inadvertent low blocking and pileups.

Bozo Disposo on the line of the fateful jam.

In the fourth jam, Bozo Disposo was jamming for the first time and trying to adjust to the surface. After securing lead jammer, she saw a hit coming from the inside and decided to absorb it. Due to the track’s slickness, her skates moved in an unexpected manner and she fell in an awkward way, taking too much force on her wrist. Being the trooper that she is, Bozo immediately sat up and called off the jam, but as she skated off the track it was evident (and a hospital trip later confirmed) that her wrist was broken and needed to be reset.

Left: Postal Servix skips by on a no pack; right: Zoo deftly evades a hard hit and breaks the pack.

Greatly saddened by yet another injury (having lost Beth Sentence to a broken ankle in the Denver bout in June and Satan’s Kitten to the aforementioned shoulder injury in the ACDG bout in July), the Killas were now down to 12 on the bench and missing a key part of their jammer rotation, which was now on the shoulders of CynTax, Zootown Throwdown, and Postal Servix, who was also doing double duty as a blocker. Coaches Aim De Kill and Kosmo Trouble helped the team refocus, and a slow-and-steady approach began to reap some benefits, allowing the Killas to creep ahead 57-25 by half-time.

Top left: Steffin' Razor and BootyVicious pinch jammer Fiona Fearless and blocker Mad Maggie. Top right: Postal Servix's booty was rockin' everywhere. Bottom left: Lizapalooza whips Zoo past LTDD's last line of defense. Bottom right: Retox Fox and BootyVicious help clear the path for CynTax.

After the half, the Killas leapt onto the track with new energy. Knowing the track was making the jammers’ lives miserable (not to mention those wicked hits from Tahoe’s power blocking, including Jinn Beam, Fiona Fearless, and Mad Maggie), the Killas dedicated more resources to their offense. Steffin’ Razor, clearly happy to be back on the track, strategically redirected the pack as needed. Lizapalooza and BootyVicious vocally and bodily controlled the pack, doling out solid hits with Postal Servix and Mauly Anna. Bitch Puddin’ and Tennessee Smitan worked the front and middle, using both hits and positional blocking to keep blockers at bay. Skooter Ov’r, Retox Fox, and Knuckles DeVille focused on the back of the pack, keeping jammers and pesky blockers on the ground to maximize their jammers’ scoring potential (see some of Knuckles’s work below).

Jammer Tennessee Smitan cleverly sneaks by on the outside as Knuckles Deville offers protection (and the Lake Tahoe jammer leaps over Knuckles's wreckage).

Fearless rookie Tennessee Smitan also stepped in to handle a couple of jams. In the second half, the Killas jammers, working their way more cautiously through the pack, began to rack up more points per jam, including a 20-point power jam by Zootown Throwdown as Tahoe’s jammer sat in the box. Meanwhile, the Killa defense held Tahoe to only 23 points in the second half despite Tahoe having a couple of power jam opportunities, leading to a final score of 123-48.

You can see pictures from the bout on the Lake Tahoe Derby Dames Facebook page (no membership required) courtesy of Photography Hoodoo.

The KillaBytes would like to thank their amazing coaches, Pandamonium, LTO, Aim De Kill, and Pia Mess for prepping them for this bout. Extra special thanks goes to Awesome Amazing Aim De Kill, who head coached our bout and did a rad job while facing adverse conditions, and Kosmo Trouble, who stepped up to help us out. We would like to thank the ref, NSO, and volunteer crew from Tahoe and SVRG who made this bout possible in the first place by getting the track in workable condition, and thanks to our refs who traveled to Tahoe to skate with us (Jonny Demonic, Jacques Strappe, Peter Fondle, and Teapotahedron). Thanks too to all of our fellow skaters and fans who made the trip up to Tahoe to cheer us on. And big, big thanks to the Lake Tahoe girls for hosting us, giving us a tough game (and the bruises to show for it), and throwing a great afterparty!

SVRG is a win-win; Killas take down ACDG Rocket Queens 118-72 and Dots pummel Treasure Valley 208-68

The Dot.Kamikazes and Coach Panda line up with guest of honor Jerry Seltzer, major sports fan and son of Leo Seltzer, the founder of roller derby. All photos courtesy of Jim Cottingham.

The luau-themed Freaky Tiki Throwdown was a fun-filled evening for fans and skaters alike. Victory was in the air at San Jose Skate on Saturday night as both Silicon Valley Roller Girls’ teams, the KillaBytes and the Dot.Kamikazes, racked up solid wins.

The KillaBytes were coming off an amazing performance (albeit, a loss) against the Denver Roller Dolls’ Bruising Altitude on June 12. They were curious as to what the Angel City Derby Girls’ Rocket Queens would be bringing, since the team has undergone a reboot (several retirements and lots of new blood) since they faced the Dot.Kamikazes last season. Given their younger roster, the team was matched against the KillaBytes this season instead. The KillaBytes were also excited to face the Rocket Queens since a former SVRG bootcamper, Blow Hole, had moved to southern California and was on the ACDG roster.

Left: Belle Wringer and Skooter Ov'r squish the pack. Right: Lizapalooza, Fox, and Knuckles set the pace.

The KillaBytes earned their name from the first whistle with some killer defense. Absolutely Scabulous, Bozo Disposo, and BootyVicious brought it in the pack and as aggressive jammers. Captain Knuckles DeVille, Lizapalooza, and Bitch Puddin’ took turns positionally blocking or taking out jammers at the front of the pack while Belle Wringer and Skooter Ov’r steered ‘em and cleared ‘em in the back.

Left: Bones & her booty sneak attack; Middle & right: Servix doles out some two piece meal.

Postal Servix and Catherine Beata Bones brought some serious booty into the mix, clearing a path with their ferocious swipes (just check out the pics). Retox Fox doled out persistent beatings on jammers and blockers alike, often sharing some special one-on-one moments with an opponent at the back of the pack. Satan’s Kitten threw blocks so vicious that she found out after the game that she had separated her shoulder (meeowch!)

L: CynTax brushes off a hit; M: Bozo Disposo has picked up jamming duties like a natural; L: Skooter Ov'r whips AbScab while keeping an eye on her pack.

Between the Killas’ stellar defense and the jammers’ indefatigable endurance, the Killas had a productive evening on the line. Jamming duties were handled by Co-Captain Zootown Throwdown, CynTax, Catherine Beata Bones, Absolutely Scabulous, Bozo Disposo, and BootyVicious. The Killas succeeded in dethroning the Rocket Queens, 118-72.

One of the thrills of playing new teams from faraway lands is that you’re not quite sure what to expect. The Treasure Valley Rollergirls from Boise, Idaho, made their first visit to the Bay Area, and the murmurs started as the team started their warm up. “Wow, they really look like they know what they’re doing,” one SVRG skater said. Indeed, Treasure Valley would demonstrate their agility throughout the evening against the Dot.Kamikazes.

L: Lindsay Lohanded steers; M: Lizapalooza has a lock on the jammer; R: Pia Mess deftly disposes of the TV jammer.

The Dot.Kamikazes kicked off the jams with a stellar first jam. Pia Mess and Death by Dollface contained TV’s Jilldozer as SVRG’s Smack Dahlia grand-slammed her way to a 13-point jam to TV’s 5. TV bounced right back in the second jam, as both Pia and jammer Smash ‘n’ Burn were sent to the box. TV’s Ana Rampage secured a 14-point power jam, helping TV take a 19-13 lead. In the fourth jam, new SVRG skater Mongoose, a transfer from Florida, made her debut and racked up 9 points in her first jam despite a pack deficit. Although Feisty Irish was in the box serving time, Scait Riot filled in the gap by working as a one-woman wall against TV’s jammer.

L: Mongoose's debut was marked by several high-scoring jams; here she gets a hand from Servix. R: Smack Dahlia believes she can fly...which she did, through double-digit jams.

SVRG continued to have penalty trouble throughout the first 20 minutes of the first half, rarely fielding a full pack. Every time they succeeded in pulling ahead a few points, TV was quick to respond and narrow the point margin. In Jam 12, Dollface, Kimfectious, and jammer Smash ‘n’ Burn crowded the penalty box, but things turned around for SVRG in Jam 13 as Smack Dahlia took advantage of some killer Pia Mess defense and sped to a 14-0 jam. SVRG’s defense—including some excellent teamwork by Scait Riot, Kosmo Trouble, Lizapalooza, and Donna Diggler, and the requisite knockout hits by Pia, Dollface, and Lindsay Lohanded—held TV scoreless for the last six jams of the half, which Mongoose closed with a 10-point power jam for SVRG, giving them a 85-35 lead.

Patty cake? Dance move? Paper, rock, scissors on who gives the whip? Kosmo Trouble and Death by Dollface prepare for an oncoming Smack Dahlia.

SVRG’s defense continued to freeze out TV in the second half; by Jam 9 TV had only put up 2 more points. In the meantime, SVRG made slow but steady forward progress with the exception of Jam 4, when Pia Mess donned the jammer cap and strode to a 30-point power jam with the help of Scait Riot, Dollface, Kimfectious, and Feisty Irish. Smack Dahlia racked up 10 points in Jam 9 before being sent to the box, but nimble blocking by Lindsay Lohanded held the TV jammer to only 4 points in the power jam. Postal Servix (who along with Lizapalooza and Catherine Beata Bones served double duty on the Killas and Dots tonight) took the line in Jam 11 and scored a 15-point jam while Feisty Irish was on fire with her blocking. In the last jams, Kosmo Trouble, Donna Diggler, Feisty Irish, and Catherine Beata Bones all took a turn on the jammer line. Pia Mess also returned and completed a star pass to Smash ‘n’ Burn, the duo earning a collective 18-points in a power jam. In the end, SVRG triumphed over Treasure Valley, 208-68.



If you just can't get enough Teddy Wreckspin, you'll have to come check out men's roller derby on July 18, 3 pm at Roosevelt Park!

As always, thanks to our awesome coaches, Pandamonium, LTO, Aim De Kill, and Pia Mess; our amazing ref and NSO staff; our visiting opponents, the Angel City Rocket Queens and Treasure Valley Rollergirls; and our families, friends, and fans for supporting us!

Thanks to Jim Cottingham for his photos of the KillaBytes and Dot.Kamikazes!

Dot.Kamikazes Edged Out by Arizona, Defeated by Duke, but Topple Tucson at Dust Devil

SVRG’s Dot.Kamikazes traveled to Tucson for the Dust Devil tournament this past weekend. The week leading up to the tournament had not been kind to the Dots, with jammer Betta Watchit downed with an ankle injury on Sunday and blocker and defensive lynchpin Rot Wheels breaking her leg in practice on Monday. Injuries continued to haunt the team during the tournament.

The Dot.Kamikazes faced Arizona Roller Derby’s Tent City Terrors, whom they had defeated at the Bakersfield Dust Bowl tournament. Although the Dots were ahead by 50 points, Arizona made a great comeback and won, 137-133. During the game both Pia Mess and Lindsay Lohanded sustained injuries; Lohanded was forced to sit out the first bout against Duke on Sunday.

On Sunday, the Dots skated against their first nationally ranked team, #21 Duke City (from Albuquerque, NM). Although the Dots made a strong start, Duke capitalized on penalty situations moreso than SVRG and had pulled ahead 89-39 by halftime. In the first jam of the second half, SVRG jammer (and Bakersfield Dust Bowl’ tourney’s MVP) Smash ‘n’ Burn went down with a back injury and was taken off the rink on a stretcher. As she made her way to the hospital, SVRG continued to fight against Duke, but they fell 172-78.

For the final game, SVRG faced Tucson’s Furious Truckstop Waitresses. SVRG secured the lead early on with the help of a 25-point jam by Zootown Throwdown and ended the first half ahead 123-33. SVRG continued to pile up points through several power jams, winning 212-71. You can see pictures of this bout here. Thankfully, we also received the news that Smash’s x-rays had also come back okay, so Sunday ended on a high note.

Captain Smack Dahlia was awarded SVRG’s MVP for the tournament. Congratulations!

You can see more thorough coverage than my third person hearsay at Derby News Network.

Roster:

Smack Dahlia/ Pia Mess/ Death by Dollface/ MisTits/ Smash ‘n’ Burn/ Scait Riot/ Lindsay Lohanded/ Donna Diggler/ Kimfectious/  Lizapalooza/ BootyVicious/ Knuckles DeVille/ Postal Servix/ Zootown Throwdown

San Diego Hard Corps inch past KillaBytes, 108-105; Dot.Kamikazes quell the Dockyard Derby Dames, 158-88

Bitch Puddin' (right back) gives Mauly Anna (right front) some extra momentum as she goes in for the hit on San Diego jammer Blur D'Lee. Photo Credit: Adrian Valenzuela

Wow, for those of you who couldn’t make our doubleheader on Saturday, you missed an amazing night of roller derby!

First up, the Silicon Valley Roller Girls’ KillaBytes faced off against San Diego’s Hard Corps. In December, members of SVRG’s Dot.Kamikazes and KillaBytes had traveled to San Diego to play a scrap bout (i.e., an unofficial bout where whomever can go and play does) with a hybrid of their A and B teams and ended up losing in the last moments of the bout. Given San Diego’s stellar level of play, the Killas were looking forward to hosting them on SVRG’s home turf. The KillaBytes were also very excited to debut three new skaters who graduated from bootcamp at the end of last season and were skating in their very first bout: Absolutely Scabulous, Bozo Disposo, and Catherine Beata Bones.

Top image: Bozo Disposo, Sadie Mae Gutz, Absolutely Scabulous, and pivot BootyVicious wall up. Bottom: Why, they look so sweet on the line! Belle Ringer, Sadie, Mauly Anna, and Double Knuckles pose for a family portrait. Photo Credit: Jim Cottingham

San Diego started strong, setting the tone for the first half. They repeatedly contained the Killa blockers as their jammers raced through the pack. In the first half, San Diego jammers dominated the Killa jammers, securing lead 11 of 19 jams and taking control of the point spread. The Killa jammers, whose collective endurance lends itself to serious pack-lapping at times, never managed to get into the double digits in a single jam in the first half, although CynTax deftly maneuvered through a 9-point jam. In contrast, San Diego jammers Blur D’Lee (2 10-point jams) and Heidi Evidence (13-pt and 9-pt jams) racked up serious points, giving the Hard Corps a 62-38 lead by the end of the first half.

Left: Retox Fox and Catherine Beta Bones tag team the San Diego jammer; Right: Beth Sentence puts some booty into it to control the jammer.

The Killas reconfigured at halftime, but were still struggling into the fifth jam, when Blur D’Lee racked up a 20-point jam and the San Diego bench went wild at their 40 point lead, 91-51. The cheering made its way to the KillaBytes, and somewhere in that moment the tide turned. The Killas managed to turn up their offense and their defense simultaneously. Sadie Mae Gutz, Belle Wringer, and Retox Fox doled out big hits at the back of the pack and kept the Hard Corps jammers contained or on the floor. Captain Knuckles DeVille, BootyVicious, and Beth Sentence smartly controlled the front of the pack, teaming up with Mauly Anna, Bitch Puddin’, Spankin’ Firecracker, Absolutely Scabulous, Bones, and Bozo Disposo to optimize the Killa jammers’ scoring via offensive blocking and a few power whips.

The rookies rocked it last night! Absolutely Scabulous assists Catherine Beta Bones, who had the KillaBytes' highest scoring jam at 17 points.

The Killas kept the Hard Corps scoreless for six consecutive jams, recovering those 40 points and then some to pull ahead 96-91. Catherine Beata Bones shined in her debut bout, racking up the Killas’ highest scoring jam of the night at 17 points. Co-Captain Zootown Throwdown laid down a 10-point jam, and Beth Sentence, making her debut as a jammer, secured an 11-point jam. Double threat BootyVicious and CynTax rounded out the jamming rotation.

Left: Killas Co-Captain Zootown Throwdown sneaks past PT Bruiser. Photo Credit: Jim Cottingham. Right: Captain Knuckles DeVille crushes Summer Crush. Photo Credit: Adrian Valenzuela.

With 1:37 left on the clock, the game was tied 99-99. The coaches sent out their strongest packs for what appeared to be the final showdown, and Zootown Throwdown took the line against Blur D’Lee—a faceoff of the two skaters who would eventually be named their respective team’s MVPs. Killas Knuckles, Sadie, Belle, and Fox contained the nimble Blur as Zoo zipped through the pack and secured lead jammer. The Killa jammer made a full scoring pass and started on another before calling off the jam with 37 seconds left on the clock. Zoo pulled six points as the Killa pack held Blur scoreless, pushing the Killas into the lead, 105-99. The home crowd screamed as the points appeared on the scoreboard, but the Killas would have to hold down the fort for one more jam. Right off the line, the Hard Corps mapped a perfect strategy and were able to get Heidi Evidence lead jammer status. Knowing she had two minutes to work with, she raced through the pack twice and called off the jam after she hit the floor at the front of the pack. There were tense moments as the referees conferred and the scoreboard remained unchanged, but then the final score was announced. Heidi Evidence scored 9 points in the final jam, securing the win for San Diego. Although the Silicon Valley fans were disappointed at the loss, the thrill of the battle still had its rewards, and the Killas were congratulated for their amazing second half comeback. ‘Til we meet again, San Diego…

MisTits, walling up front with Postal Servix, helps Smash 'n' Burn clear the pack. Photo credit: Adrian Valenzuela

The Dot.Kamikazes were anticipating the faceoff against the Dockyard Derby Dames because one of their coaches, the infamous Hollywood Chuck Barry, had paid SVRG a couple of visits during the off season and put them through some strenuous conditioning and skills practices. The Dots wanted to prove to Chuck that their newly minted thighs of steel could hold up against the Dames’ Wave of Mutilation.

Pia Mess multitasks, picking jammer T'erin Traxx off the line and clearing the path for Smack Dahlia. Photo credit: Jim Cottingham

The Dot.Kamikazes started strong and never let up. Smack Dahlia laid down a 9-point jam to kick off the game while the Dots’ pack never released Dakota D. Stroya to score. Although the Dames kept the margin close for much of the first half, the Dots never surrendered the lead, pulling ahead to 75-56 by halftime buoyed by two 9-point jams and a half-ending 13-point jam by Pia Mess.

Left: Rot Wheels helps clear the way for Smash 'n' Burn while Pia Mess eyes the Dockyard jammer. Credit: Adrian Valenzuela. Right: Donna Diggler contains a Dame. Credit: Jim Cottingham.

Although the Dames’ T’erin Traxx and Rocky Hardplace made the pack significantly less jammer-friendly, the Dots’ offensive blocking cleared timely paths for their jammers while Rot Wheels, Death by Dollface, Pia Mess, and Lizapalooza (also a regular whip machine), kept a powerhouse defense at the back of the pack.

Left: Feisty Irish goes after a Dockyard jammer. Photo: Adrian Valenzuela. Right: Postal Servix and Kimfectious maintain a hard wall in front of the Dockyard jammer as Smack Dahlia sneaks up on the pack. Photo: Jim Cottingham.

Kimfectious, Feisty Irish, and Postal Servix, who all donned the pivot cap during the bout, Skooter Ov’r, and BootyVicious, fresh from the Killas game, filled out the pack. Donna Diggler connected on some vicious and crowd-pleasing hits. MisTits showed the crowd why her teammates recently crowned her Skater of the Month. As pivot, she nimbly switched from defense to offense, whipping her jammers out of the pack. After repeatedly flooring the Dames’ jammers, she directed them to what very may well be the least desired position on the track: having to re-enter the track, sans momentum, right behind Tits.

Smack Dahlia (58 pts.), Smash ‘n’ Burn (32 pts.), Pia Mess (43 pts.), Death by Dollface (5 pts.), and rookie Betta Watchit (20 pts.) filled out the jammer rotation. Pia Mess (7.17 points per jam) and Smack Dahlia (5.27 points per jam) impressively averaged over one scoring pass each jam. Smack proved to be the grand slam champ in the second half, earning lead jammer in every appearance and racking up a 13-pt., 2 10-pt, and an 8-pt jam. Donna Diggler and Kimfectious nobly stepped to the line for the final two jams, although both were held scoreless by a hard-hitting Dames’ pack. In the end, the Dots triumphed, 158-88.

Lizapalooza (off camera, to right) lends a helping hand to rookie Betta Watchit. Photo: Adrian Valenzuela

We would like to thank both of our opponent teams for traveling in from San Diego and Tacoma to come play us. Thank you to our amazing SVRG coaches: Pandamonium, who spends so much time off the track getting us in shape strategically; LTO, whose passion for coaching is communicated in every hand signal; Pia Mess, who whips us into such great derby shape; and Aim De Kill, who is cultivating the derby girls of tomorrow. We would like to thank our hardworking ref and NSO staff for keeping us all in line.

Special thanks to Jim Cottingham and Adrian Valenzuela for their photography and helping us share the glory with those of you who missed the bout. You can see Jim’s Killas photos here and Dots photos here; also check out his main page here, which includes some sweet galleries from Mavericks, aviation pics, and more. Adrian has Killas pics here and Dots pics here; you can also order prints from his website. (Hint: derby girls love them!)

And, as always, thanks to our friends, families, fans, sponsors, and other supporters for making this all possible!

The Dot.Kamikazes were anticipating this faceoff because the Dockyard Derby Dames’ coach, Hollywood Chuck Barry, had paid SVRG a couple of visits during the off season and put them through some strenuous conditioning and skills practices. The Dots wanted to prove to Chuck that their newly minted thighs of steel could hold up against the Dames’ Wave of Mutilation.

Listen up! SVRG on the radio…with tickets to give away!

Tune in to the following stations and listen for some of your favorite derby girls chatting about our upcoming bout. We’re giving a pair of tickets away during each timeslot, so pay attention and have your phone at the ready!

Tuesday, 10:30 am to 12:30 pm: Hear BootyVicious and Death by Dollface on KSJS 90.5

Wednesday, 12 pm to 2 pm: Hear Booty and Dollface on KSJS 90.5

Wednesday, 2 pm to 3 pm: Hear Postal Servix on KSJS 90.5

Thursday, 4:00 pm to 5 pm: Hear Kimfectious on KSJS 90.5

Tune in!

SVRG double header a double triumph: KillaBytes bury the Undead Bettys and Dot.Kamikazes take down the Redwood Rollers

SVRG closed out a stellar season with double wins as the KillaBytes defeated the Brentwood Undead Bettys 155-104 and the Dot.Kamikazes beat the Humboldt Redwood Rollers 159-63.

The KillaBytes, who hadn’t played a home game since May, brought in the crowds for their second home bout during the 2009 season. Considering their last bout was in August, the team was reared up and ready to take on Brentwood’s Undead Bettys last Saturday.

Although the Killas and the Bettys had not yet faced off, some of the Killas had skated with the Bettys earlier in the season against the Santa Cruz Harbor Hellcats. In the spirit of sharing, some of the Santa Cruz women helped the Bettys fill out their roster for this bout. Don’t let the numbers fool, you, though; although the Bettys may have trouble fielding 14 of their own for an away bout, they have a strong core of skaters and the Killas knew they would be tough opponents.

Given the Bettys’ lineup of brutal blockers, including Lisafer, Luna Tix, and Cemetery Mary, the Killas’ theme for the night seemed to be “Help Your Jammer Out.”  After a close first half, the Killas had crept ahead of the Bettys, 76 to 61. The KillaBytes continued to employ a number of strategies that ensured that their jammers would get the support they needed to make it through the pack efficiently and put points on the board.

Left: Dirty Thirty and Texas ChanaSaw Massacre wall up. Right: Belle Wringer, Retox Fox, and Aim De Kill pin some Bettys to clear a route for Postal Servix (Photo credits: Nocklebeast).

These strategies resulted in several high-scoring, grand-slamming jams. Zootown Throwdown, who was named the KillaBytes’ MVP by the Bettys, threw down 84 points in 11 jams, including a 20-point jam in the second half. Postal Servix toed the line 12 times, bringing home 47 points, including a 15-point jam—a remarkable feat considering the fact that a) she had to roll right in to skate for the Dot.Kamikazes in the next bout;  and b) she skated through foot pain, and after the bout she discovered she had a fracture in her foot. (Servix is now in a walking cast and out for the remainder of the season.) CynTax skated in eight jams, putting 24 points on the board. Juicy K. Tore, who also skated with the Dot.Kamz, filled out the jammer rotation.

Top left: Belle Wringer clears the line for Zootown Throwdown (Photo credit: Nocklebeast); top right: Juicy K. Tore gives Postal Servix a helping hand (Boss Hogg). Bottom left: Retox Fox contains so CynTax clear the pack (Nocklebeast); Bottom right: Captain Aim De Kill whips Zoo to the front (Nocklebeast).

The indomitable Aim De Kill, Steffen Razor, and Double Knuckles DeVille managed the pack at pivot. Belle Wringer and Satan’s Kitten both made impressive outings in their second official bout for the Killas. Mauly Anna, Retox Fox, and Dirty Thirty also worked the pack. ChanaSaw Massacre returned to the rink with her signature snowplow after a long season of injury, including a broken hand and back issues. Sadie Mae Gutz  made the comeback of the season, playing in her first bout since giving birth to a baby girl (named, yes, Sadie) less than a month ago. Don’t tell me derby girls don’t LOVE LOVE LOVE this sport, folks: that is some serious commitment.

KillaByte Captain Aim De Kill announced her retirement.

And speaking of someone who has some serious LOVE LOVE LOVE for this sport, the KillaByte captain, Aim DeKill, announced her retirement  at the bout. Although she will not be skating next season, she will be taking an active role as a coach, helping our new class of bootcampers in the spring. All of the Silicon Valley Roller Girls want to thank Aim, our Mama Byte, for being such a remarkable and compassionate skater and friend. She truly embodies all that is the SVRG spirit.

Unfortunately, as is the way with derby, your reporter had to work during the Dot.Kamikazes bout, so my observations are here and there. Check out our announcer Killer Vee’s writeup here and her KillaBytes writeup here.

From what I could see, the Humboldt Redwood Rollers looked like a very coordinated and agile team. In the end, however, they were no match for the Dot.Kamikaze defense and power jamming. The stats show that, aside from Sissy Jr. scoring 13 points in the second jam, the Dot.Kamikaze pack prevented Humboldt’s jammers from ever making more than one scoring pass in a given jam. The Dot.Kam jammers frequently managed more than one scoring pass through the pack and often grand-slammed Humboldt. Pia Mess thrilled the crowd as she closed out the game with a 25 (arguably 30, as she was shooting through the pack as the whistle blew) point jam.

Here are some shots from the game:

Left: SKooter Ov'r eyes a Roller, while Lizapalooza takes out two blockers and the jammer singlehandedly, clearing the way for Dollface (Nocklebeast). Middle: MisTits makes a Roller into a Flyer. Right: Donna Diggler and Lindsay Lohanded pick off the Humboldt jammer.

Left: Smash 'n' Burn deftly stays in bounds. Middle: Smack Dahlia provides her own D. Right: Death by Dollface gets a monster whip from Pia Mess. (All photos: Boss Hogg).

SVRG’s last recruitment of the season!

Don't fear, Terribelle Demise's injuries were sustained off track. Thankfully, she has Kimfectious and Postal Servix to protect her.

Do you think you have the stuff to rock & block with the Silicon Valley Roller Girls? If so, follow these five easy steps!

1. Read this article on the blog about how to get started with roller derby so you know what you’re getting into.

2. For some FAQs about recruitment, click here.

3. Contact Texas ChanaSaw Massacre at recruitment@svrollergirls.com if you are interested.

4. Come watch a practice before October 28th (ChanaSaw will give you details.)

5. Come ready to skate on Wednesday, October 28th, and join us at the recruitment meeting Sunday, November 1.

Any additional questions, please contact ChanaSaw at recruitment@svrollergirls.com . Hope to see you on the rink soon!

The Ultimate Guide to Choosing Your Roller Derby Name

So, you’ve decided you want to be a roller derby girl. You’ve gathered your gear, paid your dues, and you’ve been taking your hits on the fresh meat rink. You’re getting ready to graduate from bootcamp and join the big girls. You’re in it to win it—so the time has come to get yourself the perfect moniker. Choosing the right roller derby name is an art, so whether you’re brainstorming or narrowing down your choices, be sure to consider the following bits of advice.

1. Make it memorable. The most classic derby names are short, sweet, and have a pun that the general audience can follow. Often, names are plays off of female names. Personally, I think it’s hard to beat our own Pia Mess. All the better if your number plays into the joke too—Pia’s is 24/7.

2. Watch the spelling and pronunciation. In the day of search engines and decreasing spelling aptitude, consider how your name is pronounced and spelled. It should be as grammatically sensible as possible. If you pick something obtuse and difficult to pronounce, don’t blame the announcers when they mangle it at every bout or bitch at that one teammate who always seems to get it wrong no matter how many times you correct her—you did it to yourself.

3. Consider the length. You don’t want your name to be a mouthful. It will be a pain in the ass to fit it on your jersey, your helmet, and signs from your fans. If you’re the crafty type, you’re going to find yourself spending a small fortune paying for the extra letters. If you are insistent on a long name…

4. …be prepared for the nickname. SVRG’s MisTits picked her name because of her love of the band The Misfits and her fine rack. When we address her, though, it’s “Tits” or “Titties.” Fortunately, she has the swagger to pull it off—but if this is a fate you’re not prepared for, be sure to consider all the ways your name can be shortened. If there’s no logical way to shorten it to something cute and convenient, be prepared for people to give up and use your real name (which may or may not be what you prefer.)

5. Think twice about in-jokes. Really, this is a personal preference. If you and your friends think your name is clever and you like it, go for it—but expect to explain the whole story every time someone asks you where your name came from, and then be prepared for the blank look and disappointed “oh” when you’re done, because in-jokes aren’t nearly as funny with the out-crowd.

6. Don’t date yourself. Avoid slang and trends that are likely to fall out of fashion. Hell, you could be on skates for the next decade—so you don’t want to be stuck with the same kind of awkwardness as you feel now when your parents talk about bling. On the same note, if you’re looking to cop a celebrity name, be sure to stick to A-listers with durable careers. Gotham’s Beyonslay or Santa Cruz’s Angelina Rollie can rest assured their superstar names will stand the test of time, but if you play off of Heidi Montag, Kate Gosselin, or some American Idol, no one is going to get it once those famewhores’ 15 minutes are up.

7. Think about your rating. Would you rate your name PG, PG-13, or R? Consider your team’s norms and market—some are more conservative and family-oriented, whereas others limit their team and bouts to the 21+ crowd. Our team readily hosts Se7en Year Bitch and Bitch Puddin’, but if someone adopted the name Shitty McFuckface, eyebrows would be raised. Consider what people around you would think. If you blush at the thought of your grandparents, boss, kids, students, etc., finding out your derby name, then you better keep your fingers crossed they never come watch you play or see your jersey in the laundry pile.

8. Avoid similarity to other registered names, especially your teammates’. If your name is too similar to a registered one, there’s a good chance it will get rejected. Our own Secret Servix changed her name to Postal Servix because her name was too similar to a Colorado team. Be particularly careful not to choose something too close to a teammate’s name—not only do you not want to step on her toes or cramp her style, but more importantly, you don’t want to cause any confusion on the track when someone is hollering at you.

9. Try it out. Um, you wouldn’t buy a car without test driving it, right? So, run it by your teammates. See if you can stand being called by it—this is also a good way to determine what the working (shortened) version is going to be.

10. Get it registered—and have a backup plan. Recently SVRG’s Smashleigh found out her name was never registered, and by the time it was submitted, it was too similar to another skater’s to be accepted. It may take your team’s designated name register-er a while to collect the list, and there is often a backlog on the site, so be prepared for the possibility of rejection based on duplication even if your name seemed unique at the time. Come up with a backup name that you also like, and don’t get too attached to your first choice until it’s final.

SVRG Dot.Kamikazes dominate the Orange County Crushers, 132-64

The best offense is a good defense. L: Pia Mess takes care of an OC blocker. R: Aim De Kill controls not one but two of OC's pack. Photos: Jim Cottingham

Reporting by Kimfectious

When I say SV, you say RG! Over and over, Skooter Ov’r got the crowd pumped up to cheer for their hometown favorites, the Dot.Kamikazes, as they battled it out with Orange County’s Orange Crushers.  As the two teams rolled out, Juicy K. Tore of SVRG cartwheeled her way into her birthday bout, setting the mood for a fun and action packed night.  The crowd was already going nuts as the girls lined up for the first whistle blow.

Juicy K. Tore celebrated her birthday bout by cartwheeling out onto the track and enjoying an extra long birthday spank alley at half time. Photos: Jim Cottingham

Pia Mess started off the first jam with 14 points.  Both her booty and her attitude taunted the opposing team with “I dare you.”  Smash & Burn, Smack Dahlia, and Terribelle Demise proved to be a strong jammer rotation for Silicon Valley, with Wild Bella, B Train, D Cup Runneth Over, and Ice Cube sportin’ the star for Orange County.  OC’s Kina Wahine also served double duty, jamming and playing defense in the pack.

SVRG had the advantage of a full roster, while the Orange Crushers played with only 11 skaters.  None of this seemed to faze Kina Wahine. The Hawaiian honey of Orange County skated full force in the pack.  She led the Crushers in the right direction and constantly had her eyes locked on the SVRG jammer.  Also bringin’ it for OC was Brik Wall and Street Cred. Both ladies dished out some gnarly hits. Loca Mafiosa, Hell Toro, Rotten O, and Mia Roller comprised the rest of the Crusher defense.

Who said blockers have all the fun? Photo: Jim Cottingham

Mistits and Rot Wheels, SVRG’s pivots, held down the front while Donna Diggler, Juicy K. Tore, The Beast, Lizapalooza, Aim to Kill, Lindsay Lohanded, Postal Servix, and Death by Dollface rocked the defense in the rest of the pack. This wall of black and green worked together to smush the Crushers to the outside or drive them to the inside, leaving just inches for the SVRG jammer to sneak by.

By jam 9, the score was OC 15 and SVRG 50.  Then Silicon Valley’s dynamic defense, by both blockers and jammers, denied Orange County any points for 8 jams in a row.  Kina Wahine muscled through and scored two points in the 19^th jam of the period.

Pia Mess proved her diversity as a player, by playing every single position in the pack, and as a jammer she had an awesome average of 6.33 points per jam. In her first game as a Dot.Kamikaze, Postal Servix proved to be an effective blocker and jammer.  She scored 14 points in three jams, and just may be rookie of the season.

In the second half, Orange County came back strong.  They effectively used the twenty foot rule (i.e., a blocker must be within 20 feet of the pack in order to hit or engage the jammer) to control the pack and score some points. B-train and Ice Cube each chipped away at the score, getting a few points and then calling off the jam before SVRG could score.  The Orange Crushers were lead jammer for the first seven jams, until SVRG’s Pia Mess came back in the 8^th jam as lead jammer.  As the second half went on, SVRG kept getting stronger and scoring more points.  Both teams were all smiles as the last jam ran out, final score 134 to 67. After a victory lap, each team announced its MVPs, with Smack Dahlia, who jammed for 41 points, representing SVRG, and Street Cred and her awesome defense winning it for the OC.

Thanks again to the awesome Kimfectious for the reporting!

We would like to give a special thanks to all of the Santa Cruz Derby Girls fans who came out to support your NorCal sisters—your presence and cheering was much appreciated!

As per usual, we would like to thank our hard-working ref and NSO staff; our great announcing team, Timothy Jordan, 92.3 FM’s Teddy Bynum, and SVRG Renaissance woman Skooter Ov’r; our wonderful coaches, Pandamonium, Left Turn Only, and Pia Mess; our volunteers, for their hard work; and our families, friends,sponsors, and fans for their forever support.

Don’t forget to mark your calendars for SVRG’s last home game, a doubleheader at San Jose Skate on November 14!! You’ll get to see both the Dot.Kamikazes and the KillaBytes in their last game of the season!