Hurry! Someone call the WHAMbulance!
It has been a while since we posted pics of our battle wounds. Here are some of our favorites in case there was any doubt in your mind that roller derby was a full-contact sport. WARNING: Don’t scroll down if you’re squeamish!
Skater Tots’ bionic ankle before
Skater Tots’ bionic ankle after
Spankin’ Firecracker’s hematoma from the Dust Devil Tournament
Sasha Degrader’s road rash from bouting in the parking lot at subZERO
Absolutely Scabulous’ bootyful bruise
Pins in Sasha Degrader’s Broken Thumb
Thanks to our medics for volunteering their time and expertise at our bouts and scrimmage practices:
We also appreciate the generous services of our sponsor, Dr. Mike Rogerson. Rogerson Chiropractic is a family and sports chiropractic clinic in Santa Clara.
No, I don't like The Cure.
OK, I have two admissions to make: one, I named this post based on search engine potential; and two, thankfully, *very* thankfully, our Hall of Pain has been relatively barren so far this season (that sound you hear is my knuckles pounding on my IKEA desk, which is hopefully real wood) and since this was my face, I can say I’m stretching the whole pain part. Given my previous life in kickboxing and barroom brawling, I hardly earned this black eye, but heck, it was real purdy so I figured I’d post it.
Please note the Goth pose was adopted so that you could actually distinguish the black eye from the eye that merely has swollen, pronounced bags underneath it thanks to the recent procurement of my dissertation and the requisite inversely proportional relationship between maniacal editing and sleep.
Anyway, I took an elbow to the face in the pack, but subsequent blindness meant I never caught sight of who did it, just a vision of an arm coming at my face and me turning just enough not to catch it on the nose (Feisty Irish, who has been featured in the Hall of Pain for her two broken noses a la derby, sympathized on that angle.) I was inclined to blame Lindsay Lohanded, who might as well have her own branding iron given the bruises her hits tend to elicit (not to mention CynTax’s broken ribs), but unfortunately she was off the track at the time, so I am in need of a culprit. Alas, now I have a variety of purples (with very little in the wardrobe to coordinate), a boyfriend who is hesitant to go out in public with me, and a lot of explainin’ to do to my dissertation committee. Oh well, maybe it will inspire a bit of mercy.
No, that’s not a fine goatee AbScab is sporting. In the midst of some hot derby action at practice last week, she took a full on sprawl and met the floor chin first. Thankfully, she had her mouthguard in, so she only ate floor and not her own tongue. The result was this lovely bruise and a raging headache the next day. Hot!
AbScab is thankful to still have her pretty teefs, and so would like this to serve as a public service announcement: ALWAYS WEAR YOUR MOUTHGUARD!
KillaByte co-captain, Dot.Kamikaze, and recently elected SVRG General Manager Steffen Razor knew she had knee surgery on the horizon, so she squeezed in one last skate at the Red Red Holiday tournament (where her team, Orange, came in 3rd) and then hopped on the surgical table four days later.
According to the doc, Stef’s knee problems preceded her derby involvement, but given the stress that derby puts on the knees, her sporting didn’t help. Essentially, her cartilage ended up with the consistency of sauerkraut, leading to fluid retention and stiffness in the knee. You can read the details about her injury and procedure at Rantin’ Razor.
In the meantime, send your well wishes and thoughts. Heal fast, Razor! Can’t wait to see you back on skates next season!
At practice on January 25th, an unruly shoelace felled the mighty Dollface by coming undone, wrapping around her skate, and causing her to plummet toward the concrete floor shoulder-first. The resulting injury was a rotator cuff tear with a nearly one-inch long break in the humerus. After nearly two months of pain and therapy, she underwent surgery on April 2; see pictures below. Now she is on the road to recovery, and SVRG eagerly awaits her return to the rink later this summer!
At our very first bout this season against Central Coast, Feisty took a sharp hit to the face. Putting the feist in feisty, she continued skating throughout the jam and waited until after the bout to hit the ER. Diagnosis: one broken nose. Here’s a supportive Donna Diggler pointing out the damage:
Fortunately Feisty’s healed completely!
Last night while scrimmaging Pia took not one but two hits to the eye…yowch! Pia had assured Lindsay Lohanded, who was returning from a knee injury, that she could hit Pia. After this blow, Pia said she should have clarified: “Legally!” Then she took a second hit to the same place, but she insisted on continuing to skate in the jam even as her eye nearly swelled shut. That’s some tough for ya!
UPDATE: Day 2. Look at that vibrant red! Be careful or Lady GaGa is going to rip that off for her next look.