Skater of the Month: Skater Tots

©2011 Donalee Eiri, Photography by D.E.sign

©2011 Donalee Eiri, Photography by D.E.sign

What attracted you to roller derby?
A friend on Facebook kept posting about it.

Did you skate or play another sport before starting derby?
No, I was the kid who got picked last for recess games and decided people who ran were dumb, so I would walk the whole time during the Jog-a-thon. It wasn’t until I was in my 20s that I started becoming more active and that was mainly with hiking and yoga.

How did you choose your derby name?
My dad calls me “tates” or “taters” so it was a play off of that. LauRAWR’s boyfriend GilBurrito thought of it. He’s so clever!

What’s your favorite (derby) position?
I like to block, but lately I have been trying to step out of my comfort zone and jam more.

What are you known for on the track? What’s your superpower?
Uh…I make people think of cake and it is a distraction?

Do you have a pre-game ritual?
Nope. I just make sure I don’t stink before.

Tell us about your greatest derby experience.
I’ve had lots of amazing experiences through derby. I can’t really pick out the “greatest.” It’s just awesome to go from thinking, “Man, I could never do that,” to saying, “Look! I’m doing it!” which happens a lot in derby when you push yourself.

Describe your gnarliest injury.
Broke and dislocated my ankle this past January during a Sunday derby practice. The following week I had surgery and they put in a metal plate and ten screws. It has been heartbreaking not to be able to skate these past three months but I am thankful for all the support I have received from my teammates. Plus I now have a big gnarly scar—scars are cool right?

What do you contribute to SVRG *off* the track?
I am head of Human Resources. I get to handle lots of paperwork and educate people about the Policies and Procedures.

When you’re not skating, how do you pass the time? What other passions do you have?
I have my own wedding and specialty cake business, A Spoonful of Sugar in San Francisco which takes up a lot of time! I like to get ice cream with my BFF LauRAWR, see movies with Spankin’ Firecracker, hang with my MLOA buddy Lindsay Lohanded, watch RuPaul’s Drag Race, cuddle with my adorable kitty cats, and spend time with my boyfriend Baker.

Who are your heroes of roller derby?
Bonnie Thunders from Gotham. When she is stuck behind a wall, it’s like she doesn’t even have skates on!

I look up to lots of girls on SVRG. I hope to be able to make a comeback like Bionic BabyDoll after her back surgery. Every time I think about how much it sucks to not be able to skate for 4-6 months, I remember that she couldn’t skate for like two years. Now she’s becoming a beast!

Can you offer any advice to people who are interested in derby?
Don’t be afraid of screwing up. It takes a lot of time, effort, and just plain hard work. Never think that you’ve got something down because you can always improve. Be humble and ask questions. If you just want to be good enough then this isn’t the sport for you.


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Canada Rolls through NorCal

The Terminal City Rollergirls made the trek all the way from Vancouver to take on Sacred City, Santa Cruz, and SVRG. Our Dot.Kamikazes played Terminal City’s All-Stars in a WFTDA-sanctioned bout on Sunday, April 29th at San Jose Skate. This closed bout wasn’t open to the general public, so here’s a recap of the action.

©2012 Nicolas Charest, SVRG’s Belle Wringer helps Catherine Beata Bones get lead jammer status over Terminal City’s Kim Janna

©2012 Nicolas Charest, SVRG’s Belle Wringer helps Catherine Beata Bones get lead jammer status over Terminal City’s Kim Janna

After being held scoreless for two jams, the Dots took the lead in the third jam with Mongoose’s 13-point power jam and held it for 11 jams, when a lead change put Terminal City on top for the duration of the bout.

Terminal City made a total of 6 successful star passes and one failed attempt right off the jammer line over a knee-down start. SVRG also tried this tactic when Absolutely Scabulous passed the panty to Belle Wringer in the final jam of the 1st period. That’s something that you don’t see too often. As a result, there were a bunch of jams called off before anyone could score and many others where the lead jammer hit-it-and-quit-it as soon as she was able to make her scoring pass.

From the first whistle, we could tell that this was going to be a very physical game. The Canadians brought a level of aggression born of hockey and universal health care. SVRG’s Sasha Degrader, Belle Wringer, Spankin’ Firecracker, and Tennessee Smitan dished out some punishment of their own. Catherine Beata Bones and Pia Mess gave TCRG’s Hittin’ Miss and Luludemon some jammer-on-jammer action. During the 2nd period, the formidable wall of Sasha Degrader, Smash N’ Burn, and Spankin’ Firecracker held Terminal City’s jammer Kim Janna for an entire lap. But the ladies in black held up some tight defensive walls themselves, and widened the gap on the scoreboard.

©2012 Mark Nockleby, Sasha Degrader extends a hand to give Pia Mess a whip

©2012 Mark Nockleby, Sasha Degrader extends a hand to give Pia Mess a whip

Pia Mess was the high-scorer for the Dots with 39 points total, 19 of which were earned in the final jam of the game. Belle Wringer and Zootown Throwdown assisted by clearing a path for Pia during that last push power jam.

Terminal City won 179-88, adding to their 116-94 victory against the Santa Cruz Bombshells on Saturday. Quite a comeback after losing Friday’s scrimmage to Sacred City that ended with a hospitalized teammate. We’re happy everyone made it home safely and hope to visit Vancouver someday for a rematch.

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Killas Take a Byte out of Sacramento

By Bitch Puddin’

©2012 beakertehmuppet, Juicy’s 15-point Jam!

©2012 beakertehmuppet, Juicy’s 15-point Jam!

While SVRG’s Dot.Kamikazes were playing their way through the Dust Devil Tournament in Tucson, the KillaBytes took on the Folsom Prison Bruisers in Sacramento on April 14th.

The Killas took the lead early on and kept it throughout the entire game. Folsom put up a good fight but SVRG took advantage of their power jams and held Sac City scoreless for a number of jams.

SVRG’s blockers Juicy K. Tore, Jem Jones, and Avida Sane got in more than a couple of brutally effective hits, while jammer Mongoose had no problem getting through Folsom’s pack. It was exciting to see newly rostered KillaBytes Asian Orange, Surge, and Bullet Sucker out on the track. Bullet managed to score 20 points her first time as jammer. Juicy K. Tore and Unleasha Moore were also high-scorers with double-digit jams.

All of SVRG’s skaters took a turn as jammer, and had fun doing it. The KillaBytes went home victorious with a final score of 172-109. This win was dedicated to Mad-Eye Molly who was unable to bout due to an injury. One heartbeat, Killas!

©2012 beakertehmuppet, SVRG’s Culo Whippin’, Surge, and Skirt Vonna-Gut Pen Sac City’s jammer Freddie Stare

©2012 beakertehmuppet, SVRG’s Culo Whippin’, Surge, and Skirt Vonna-Gut pen Sac City’s jammer Freddie Stare

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Dots 2-for-4 at the Dust Devil

The Dot.Kamikazes were invited to compete in the 2012 Dust Devil Tournament from April 13-15 in Tucson, AZ. Rocky Mountain Fight Club took home the championship trophy. Silicon Valley placed 6th out of 10 teams, putting us at #12 overall in the Western Region according to Flat Track Stats.

Smash N’ Burn and Tennessee Smitan hammer-and-nail Victorian’s jammer. Photo by Masonite Burn Photography.

Smash N’ Burn and Tennessee Smitan hammer-and-nail Victorian’s jammer. ©2012 Masonite Burn Photography

Bout #1 Loss to Arizona Roller Derby

On Day 1 of the Dust Devil, the Dots were met with a 258-93 loss to tournament co-hosts, AZRD’s Tent City Terrors. Arizona’s roster included some formidable opponents who had recently transferred to AZRD, including Hockey Honey (former Oly Roller), Joy Collision (from Charm City), and Cybil War (from Philly).

The Tent City Terrors took the lead on the scoreboard from the first jam and held on to it for the duration of the bout. Kozmo Trouble and SVRG’s blockers made a solid effort to hold back Arizona’s jammers, but a number of penalties and some smart offensive defense by AZ led to a widening gap on the scoreboard. At one point, Smash N’ Burn was the only player on the track for the Dots. AZRD held SVRG scoreless for 7 jams straight, while AZ racked up 62 more points for a score of 109-38 with one jam left in the first half.

In the second period, Arizona’s jammers Joy Collision and Sigmund Droid each had unicorns (25-point jams), with a full bench in the box for SVRG. The Dots put the hurt on and fought to the end, but AZRD ran away with it.

Bout #2 Win over Assassination City

On Day 2 of the Dust Devil, the Dots were pitted against the girls from Dallas, Assassination City’s Special Ops. After 3 lead changes on the scoreboard in the beginning of the 1st period, it seemed like it was going to be a close game.

Then SVRG started to pull away in the 7th jam, taking advantage of a power jam. Next, Pia Mess went through the pack like a bolt of lightning to grab a unicorn for the Dots. The following two jams were scoreless as Assassination City secured lead jammer status and called it off before any points could be scored. But when SVRG had lead jammer for four jams in a row and employed a strong defensive wall in the back, the numbers started climbing to end at 98-54 at half time.

SVRG’s Smack Dahlia breached the century mark in the first jam of the 2nd period. Dallas’ Lickety jammed unopposed getting 3 grand slams to close the gap in the 3rd jam, until Absolutely Scabulous dropped her and sent her to the penalty box for a major cut. The Dots stayed in the lead for the rest of the bout.

There were some nice whips by SVRG’s Bionic BabyDoll and Tennessee Smitan, and a beautiful apex jump by our jammer Bad Tempt-Her. Overall, SVRG employed some great defense; even the jammers were hitting hard.

Assassination City finally made it to the century mark with a score of 163-106 in the 14th jam of the 2nd period. After an action-packed second half ending with 2 grand slams by Smack Dahlia, the Dots won 181-118.

Absolutely Scabulous gets lead jammer over Rage City. ©2012 Masonite Burn Photography.

Absolutely Scabulous gets lead jammer over Rage City. ©2012 Masonite Burn Photography

Bout #3 Win over Rage City

The Dots took their second win of the day by sweeping the Rage City Rollergirls of Anchorage, Alaska, by 145 points. SVRG’s Kozmo Trouble sat out Day 2 of the tournament due to a shoulder injury from the first day. Rage City’s Tenacious Leigh still played despite taking a skate to the eye on Day 1 of the tournament.

SVRG had lead jammer in the first two jams followed by a power jam, leaving Rage City scoreless until the fourth jam. The Dots controlled the pack with some tight walls. A power jam for Rage City allowed them to put some numbers on the board, but SVRG was still in the lead 54-17.

Rage City racked up the penalties, and Blitzkrieg Baker fouled out in the first period. Rage City nickel-and-dimed it, but SVRG widened the gap to 109-38 at the half.

The Dots kept getting lead jammer leaving Rage City with a 96-point deficit by the first 10 minutes of the second period. Rage City put on the heat with some close hits, but SVRG’s jammer Absolutely Scabulous hit back and fought to break through, raising the score to 181-55.

In a tactical move, Smack Dahlia was called for “cougaring” (taking an intentional minor) so she could wait out her time in the box before donning the star again. This way, smart jammers can help their team by sitting out as a blocker instead of as a jammer. Rage City didn’t let up with the hits, but SVRG’s evasion skills were keen, dominating the game 215-70.

Bout #4 Loss to Victorian

Day 3 gave the Dots a chance to take on the Victorian Roller Derby All Stars from Melbourne, Australia. It was a well-matched, very physical game, but the Dots lost to the Aussies.

Despite some solid defense from SVRG, Victorian secured lead jammer in the first two jams. The Dots took the lead in the third jam to pull ahead 18-9. Another lead change occurred with SVRG’s jammer Pia Mess in the box, leaving the score 33-30 for Victorian. SVRG’s jammers couldn’t stay out of the penalty box, resulting in a half-time lead of 65 points in Victorian’s favor.

The Dots slowly put some numbers on the board in the second half to push the century mark, but Victorian still held the lead. Victorian won with a final score of 239-104.

SVRG thanks Tucson and AZRD for hosting a great tournament! Everyone had fun and we hope Buggs, the tiny dog, is doing well.

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What Everybody Ought to Know About Roller Derby

So you wanna be a rollergirl? If you’ve watched Whip It and want to wear cute boutfits…then perhaps it’s a great costume idea for next Halloween. Now, if you’ve just watched your first bout, screamed your throat raw, developed your first derby crush on a Slamazon, and can’t wait to get in on the action…let me show you my friend’s “wall of pain,” a photo gallery of nauseatingly awesome hematomas and rink rash. Because behind the glam and sparkle, roller derby is hard-hitting athleticism at its best. Third-wave feminists can embrace their aggressive side while simultaneously feeling feminine in fishnets.


Here’s what roller derby is and what it isn’t. Don’t be fooled by the movies; derby is a real sport with rules and referees. You can’t punch each other in the face. Some of the most incredible shows of athleticism and grace are out there on the track. It’s speed skating, stamina, and blunt force trauma—plain and simple.


Still here? So you’re not a sissy. You can play with the big girls. But can your friends and family live without you for a minimum of 3-5 nights per week? Derby leagues are run by the skaters for the skaters. (Actually, it’s more like by the skaters, coaches, officials, medics, announcers, photographers, sponsors, and other generous volunteers.) D.I.Y. means not only a time commitment for practice but also bouts, committee meetings, fundraisers, community service, and more. My husband calls himself a derby widow, but he knew what it meant when I laced up my skates for bootcamp.

Fall 2011 bootcampers by Julie Dequaire

Fall 2011 Bootcampers: Patty Hearse, Ann, Corey and MonaStat. Photo by Julie D.

Unconditional Love

Be prepared to fall…not just on your tailbone, hips, and knees…but madly in love with this sport. I warn you, it can consume the best of us. You’ll be trying to “find the hole” as you dodge traffic on the freeway. You’ll be doing squats as you brush your teeth to achieve the lowest derby stance. And you’ll be having sweet dreams of grand slams and unicorns (25-point jams).

If you think you’ve got what it takes, shoot us a message at to get invited to our next bootcamp, which starts April 18th and come check out one of our bouts.


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Head-to-Head Battle with Santa Cruz Ends in Victory for SVRG

by Bitch Puddin’

The March 24th home opener against our rivals from over the hill was nothing less than amazing! Two bouts pitted both the travel and B teams of Silicon Valley and Santa Cruz against each other.

SVRG’s Dot Kamikazes vs. SCDG’s Boardwalk Bombshells

SVRG’s Kozmo Trouble and Sasha Degrader hold off SCDG’s Foxee Firestorm, ©2012 Mark Nockleby

©2012 Mark Nockleby,
SVRG’s Kozmo Trouble and Sasha Degrader hold off SCDG’s Foxee Firestorm

Both teams were well matched, staying within points of each other the entire bout. From the start it was all hit-it-and-quit-it, with the lead jammers getting their points and calling off the jam, doing what they could to prevent the opposing jammer from scoring. The Bombshells took the lead early and often at the beginning but were quickly taken over by the Dot’s strong walls.

There were five lead changes in the first half including one with the Bombshells on a power jam. That was immediately followed by the Dots gaining four points tying the game 39-39. By half time, SVRG claimed the lead 48-39.

Silicon Valley kept racking up points in the second half but the Bombshells took advantage of their power jams to stay in the game. With 8:51 to go and a score of 97-78, the Dot’s Smack Dahlia took advantage of a power jam bringing the score to 107-78.

In the last jam, SVRG’s jammer was in the box giving the Bombshells’ Candy Hooligan a power jam. Nevertheless, the Dots held their own and Sasha Degrader was able to get in a big hit on Candy before she was able to call off the jam. Although the Bombshells fought strong and hard to the end, the Dot.Kamikazes won 112-99.

Sasha Degrader was named MVP of the game for the Dot.Kamikazes and Shamrock N. Roller for the Bombshells.

SVRG’s KillaBytes vs. SCDG’s Harbor Hellcats

Ladies in Green from Left to Right: Culo Whip, LauRAWR, Jem Jones, and Juicy K. Tore, ©2012 Derek P. Opdyke

©2012 Derek P. Opdyke, DPO Photography,
Ladies in Green from Left to Right: Culo Whippin’, LauRAWR, Jem Jones, and Juicy K. Tore

The Killas and the Hellcats were as closely matched as the Dots and the Bombshells making for an equally exciting bout. The jammers took turns taking the lead with the help of strong packs on both teams.

During jam 11, Killa’s jammer Bad Tempt-Her made such an amazing powerhouse move out of the pack that a spectator was overheard saying, “It’s like she just shot out of a gun!”

In the following jam, Polly Kneesya of the Hellcats jammed against Skirt Vonna-Gut of the Killas. Polly got lead while Skirt went to the box causing a lead change 38-34 in favor of the Hellcats.

In jam 14 Culo Whippin’, one of the newest additions to the KillaBytes, beautifully executed a block and whip assist to get her jammer Mongoose through a wall of three blockers. The Hellcats were in the lead 54-37 at the end of the first half.

In the second half, Bad Tempt-Her was able to take out the Hellcat’s jammer Septicemia so Lizapalooza could take lead jammer, but Bad ended up in the penalty box in the process.

Thanks to a grand slam by Mongoose, the Killas were able to bring the score closer by jam 6, putting them only 7 points behind the Hellcats.

The lead change came in jam 8 with Zootown Throwdown getting a grand slam bringing the score to 60-59. Then quickly the tables turned as the Killa’s jammer was sent to the box and the Hellcats retorted with a grand slam of their own taking back the lead 69-60.

Killa’s Culo Whippin’ made her jammer debut against Polly in jam 11 forcing Polly to call the jam with no points scored by either jammer.

The following jams were tight but the Killas worked their way up the scoreboard. By jam 18 the Killas took the lead with a score of 87-81 but the Hellcats were still putting up a fight.

With 20 seconds left and a score of 91-89, Bad Tempt-Her and Septicema met on the jammer line for the final jam of the night. Bad got lead and called it off, keeping the final score at 91 KillaBytes – 89 Hellcats.

Jem Jones was named MVP of the bout for the Killas and Ace Wenchura for the Hellcats. The energy, excitement, and hard work exhibited by all the girls promises a season of fierce battles. You won’t want to miss a single bout!

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Skater of the Month: Patty Hearse

Patty Hearse jams against Maui Howlee at the 2011 Halloween scrimmage

Patty Hearse jams against Maui Howlee at the 2011 Halloween scrimmage

What attracted you to roller derby?
An old friend of mine was starting a roller derby team in Morgan Hill in April of 2010, and it just spoke to me instantly. I first looked at it as a way to exercise and stay in shape, but then when I actually started skating I loved the actual sport of it. My husband and I have always been athletic. He works out all the time and this is my way of keeping up with him. It’s something of my own that he can’t do. Derby skaters are athletes and I dare someone to tell me otherwise.

How did you choose your derby name?
My dad actually gave me the name. It’s in reference to the kidnapping of Patty Hearst in 1974 by the Symbionese Liberation Army. Google it. He thought I should change the Hearst to Hearse since my husband (a.k.a. “Wu”) owns a 1965 Pontiac Bonneville Hearse which is totally our “Sunday driver.”

Tell us about your greatest experience at Circuit Jerks, as rec league organizer.
Well, for starters, I love to learn new things, so taking that on is for sure a learning experience. I want to learn as much as I can! I haven’t been skating as long as some of the girls, so the Circuit Jerks really helps me improve my own skating skills while, at the same time, I get to help coach girls who have less experience than I do. I really want the Circuit Jerks to succeed and think it’s a great way to “play” roller derby if you can’t make the commitment to a league or are still unsure of what you’re getting yourself into. We have a lot of fun!

As a non-skating official (NSO), what are your responsibilities during a bout?
My role changes from bout to bout, but the basic answer is I do it all—from tracking penalties, to timing penalties, to keeping score, to tracking who’s in the lineup. I’ve never done any wrangling; I’m not that good, YET! I was hesitant to be an NSO because I really didn’t understand what it was, but I’m so glad I did. It helps me understand the game better and helps me with strategy. Just knowing what the penalties mean and what you can and cannot do helps build my derby knowledge.

You contribute so much to SVRG behind the scenes, too. What projects have you been working on as part of the bout production committee?
I revamped the bout program. That took such a long time. I sat at my computer for hours working on that bout program, while my husband was telling me to hurry up, but it was totally worth it. I also create an announcer’s handbook for each bout. That means gathering lots and lots of information from all the committees, leagues, and skaters and making it nice and pretty for the announcers. I’m gathering information so the coaches’, skaters’, referees’, and NSO’s profiles can be updated on the website. I’m also working on an idea I have for a league program.

When you’re not busy volunteering for the league, how do you pass the time?  What other passions do you have?
I am a wife, mother, and have a full time job. So having a husband and three great little boys takes up most of my time, but my husband and I still like to go out and have fun. I make him drag me to a lot of concerts and we take the boys out often. We’re wrestling geeks and comic book nerds. I like to get tattoos. (Quick tidbit: I recently got banned from a tattoo shop!) I like cars, zombies, ice cream, Wu, horror movies, and toys. I may be a wife and have three kids, but I still know how to have fun!

Who are your heroes of roller derby?
In all of derbyverse, I’d say Demanda Riot of B.ay A.rea D.erby Girls. I love her name and she is a beast on the track. She’ll beat you to a bloody pulp. Let’s be honest, is there anyone scarier looking on the track than her? She’s scary looking, but still a very nice person.

In Silicon Valley, I think Kozmo Trouble is a great skater, player, and fellow Misfits fan. Nobody blocks like her; she’s very impressive. I want to be like her when I grow up. I also appreciate Aim DeKill for having so much faith in me when others don’t. I’m also a part of the Peoples Temple and I believe in Jem Jones, but I DON’T drink the Kool-Aid!

Can you offer any advice to people who are interested in derby?
My main advice is you have to have a thick skin. Like any other sport, you’re going to have good days and bad days. You have to train like any other sport and be able to take criticism. With so many girls in the league, feelings will get hurt, words will be said, and friendships will be made and ended. A co-worker asked me, “Don’t all derby girls think they’re tough?” I replied, “I can’t speak for all of them, but I’ll tell you this one’s pretty tough right here.”


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