Tag Archives: Texas ChanaSaw Massacre

SVRG double header a double triumph: KillaBytes bury the Undead Bettys and Dot.Kamikazes take down the Redwood Rollers

SVRG closed out a stellar season with double wins as the KillaBytes defeated the Brentwood Undead Bettys 155-104 and the Dot.Kamikazes beat the Humboldt Redwood Rollers 159-63.

The KillaBytes, who hadn’t played a home game since May, brought in the crowds for their second home bout during the 2009 season. Considering their last bout was in August, the team was reared up and ready to take on Brentwood’s Undead Bettys last Saturday.

Although the Killas and the Bettys had not yet faced off, some of the Killas had skated with the Bettys earlier in the season against the Santa Cruz Harbor Hellcats. In the spirit of sharing, some of the Santa Cruz women helped the Bettys fill out their roster for this bout. Don’t let the numbers fool, you, though; although the Bettys may have trouble fielding 14 of their own for an away bout, they have a strong core of skaters and the Killas knew they would be tough opponents.

Given the Bettys’ lineup of brutal blockers, including Lisafer, Luna Tix, and Cemetery Mary, the Killas’ theme for the night seemed to be “Help Your Jammer Out.”  After a close first half, the Killas had crept ahead of the Bettys, 76 to 61. The KillaBytes continued to employ a number of strategies that ensured that their jammers would get the support they needed to make it through the pack efficiently and put points on the board.

Left: Dirty Thirty and Texas ChanaSaw Massacre wall up. Right: Belle Wringer, Retox Fox, and Aim De Kill pin some Bettys to clear a route for Postal Servix (Photo credits: Nocklebeast).

These strategies resulted in several high-scoring, grand-slamming jams. Zootown Throwdown, who was named the KillaBytes’ MVP by the Bettys, threw down 84 points in 11 jams, including a 20-point jam in the second half. Postal Servix toed the line 12 times, bringing home 47 points, including a 15-point jam—a remarkable feat considering the fact that a) she had to roll right in to skate for the Dot.Kamikazes in the next bout;  and b) she skated through foot pain, and after the bout she discovered she had a fracture in her foot. (Servix is now in a walking cast and out for the remainder of the season.) CynTax skated in eight jams, putting 24 points on the board. Juicy K. Tore, who also skated with the Dot.Kamz, filled out the jammer rotation.

Top left: Belle Wringer clears the line for Zootown Throwdown (Photo credit: Nocklebeast); top right: Juicy K. Tore gives Postal Servix a helping hand (Boss Hogg). Bottom left: Retox Fox contains so CynTax clear the pack (Nocklebeast); Bottom right: Captain Aim De Kill whips Zoo to the front (Nocklebeast).

The indomitable Aim De Kill, Steffen Razor, and Double Knuckles DeVille managed the pack at pivot. Belle Wringer and Satan’s Kitten both made impressive outings in their second official bout for the Killas. Mauly Anna, Retox Fox, and Dirty Thirty also worked the pack. ChanaSaw Massacre returned to the rink with her signature snowplow after a long season of injury, including a broken hand and back issues. Sadie Mae Gutz  made the comeback of the season, playing in her first bout since giving birth to a baby girl (named, yes, Sadie) less than a month ago. Don’t tell me derby girls don’t LOVE LOVE LOVE this sport, folks: that is some serious commitment.

KillaByte Captain Aim De Kill announced her retirement.

And speaking of someone who has some serious LOVE LOVE LOVE for this sport, the KillaByte captain, Aim DeKill, announced her retirement  at the bout. Although she will not be skating next season, she will be taking an active role as a coach, helping our new class of bootcampers in the spring. All of the Silicon Valley Roller Girls want to thank Aim, our Mama Byte, for being such a remarkable and compassionate skater and friend. She truly embodies all that is the SVRG spirit.

Unfortunately, as is the way with derby, your reporter had to work during the Dot.Kamikazes bout, so my observations are here and there. Check out our announcer Killer Vee’s writeup here and her KillaBytes writeup here.

From what I could see, the Humboldt Redwood Rollers looked like a very coordinated and agile team. In the end, however, they were no match for the Dot.Kamikaze defense and power jamming. The stats show that, aside from Sissy Jr. scoring 13 points in the second jam, the Dot.Kamikaze pack prevented Humboldt’s jammers from ever making more than one scoring pass in a given jam. The Dot.Kam jammers frequently managed more than one scoring pass through the pack and often grand-slammed Humboldt. Pia Mess thrilled the crowd as she closed out the game with a 25 (arguably 30, as she was shooting through the pack as the whistle blew) point jam.

Here are some shots from the game:

Left: SKooter Ov'r eyes a Roller, while Lizapalooza takes out two blockers and the jammer singlehandedly, clearing the way for Dollface (Nocklebeast). Middle: MisTits makes a Roller a Flyer (Boss Hogg). Right: Donna Diggler and Lindsay Lohanded pick off a Humboldt jammer (Boss Hogg).

Left: SKooter Ov'r eyes a Roller, while Lizapalooza takes out two blockers and the jammer singlehandedly, clearing the way for Dollface (Nocklebeast). Middle: MisTits makes a Roller into a Flyer. Right: Donna Diggler and Lindsay Lohanded pick off the Humboldt jammer.

Left: Smash 'n' Burn deftly stays in bounds. Middle: Smack Dahlia provides her own D. Right: Death by Dollface gets a monster whip from Pia Mess. (All photos: Boss Hogg).



Filed under Roller Derby, SVRG Bouts

SVRG’s last recruitment of the season!

Don't fear, Terribelle Demise's injuries were sustained off track. Thankfully, she has Kimfectious and Postal Servix to protect her.

Don't fear, Terribelle Demise's injuries were sustained off track. Thankfully, she has Kimfectious and Postal Servix to protect her.

Do you think you have the stuff to rock & block with the Silicon Valley Roller Girls? If so, follow these five easy steps!

1. Read this article on the blog about how to get started with roller derby so you know what you’re getting into.

2. For some FAQs about recruitment, click here.

3. Contact Texas ChanaSaw Massacre at recruitment@svrollergirls.com if you are interested.

4. Come watch a practice before October 28th (ChanaSaw will give you details.)

5. Come ready to skate on Wednesday, October 28th, and join us at the recruitment meeting Sunday, November 1.

Any additional questions, please contact ChanaSaw at recruitment@svrollergirls.com . Hope to see you on the rink soon!

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Filed under Recruitment, Roller Derby

SVRG loves a parade!

Some of our dedicated skaters made an appearance at the Willow Glen Founder’s Day Parade in San Jose this past Saturday before our bout against OC. Thanks to Steffen Razor for the on-site reporting!

Private Choker, Texas ChanaSaw Massacre, Steffen Razor, and Belle Ringer rep SVRG in the parade.

Private Choker, Texas ChanaSaw Massacre, Steffen Razor, and Belle Ringer rep SVRG in the parade.

SVRG @ Willow Glen Founder’s Day Parade

Writeup by Steffen Razor

This was the first parade to skate in for many of us, so we were very excited and ready to do some skating! Our roster for the parade consisted of Texas ChanaSaw Massacre, Private Choker, Belle Wringer, Steffen Razor and our ground crew/promotional coordinator Kimfectious. The Dot.Kamikazes had a bout the same evening, plus we have been promoting for the movie Whip It, so this was a prime opportunity for us to do some flyering.

Although there were 40+ entries in the parade and there was a large turnout of participants, we were charmed to see that the parade lasted three blocks, and that it had a very “hometown” feel to it. The crowd was pretty rowdy (for a parade) as we skated down the street. They were asking us to do tricks and cheering when we did some fancy backwards whips we had been practicing a few nights before. They also liked our regular whips and the skilled display of hip checks by Razor, Belle and ChanaSaw. Obviously SVRG is well known in the area, because we heard requests for Lipstik Bandita and other skaters, as well as cheers from some fans who know us already. One parade-goer seemed skeptical of our league’s success, so Razor skated over to explain our record for the year, that both our A and B teams had only lost one game each. Upon being challenged with “Well, have you played Santa Cruz?” Razor was pleased to answer that we had played both their A and B teams and had been victorious both times.

After the parade was over, we did a little meet ‘n greet with the crowd, and handed out some goodies: sweatbands, wristbands, buttons, trading cards and posters from Whip It.


SVRG was around town in other fashions this weekend as well. Below are some pics from an appearance some of our girls did to promote the Whip It soundtrack at Streetlight Records.

Left: Feisty Irish and Smashes of Evil hand out goodies. Right: Terribelle Demise poses with a fan.

Left: Feisty Irish and Smashes of Evil hand out goodies. Right: Terribelle Demise poses with a fan.

We hope to see some more fans out at our next public appearance, during the premiere of Whip It at Camera 7 Pruneyard and Camera 12 Downtown Theaters this Friday!

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Filed under Off the Rink, SVRG Events

SVRG Team Jock Trounces Team Geek in Exhibition Bout, 84-23

It was a toasty 96 degrees in San Jose on Sunday, and undoubtedly hotter than that on the sizzling sport court at Roosevelt Park, but the ladies of SVRG sweat it out in their crowd-pleasing exhibition bout this Sunday.

SVRG mixed up the KillaBytes and Dot.Kamikazes to create two teams, Team Jock (in black jerseys, for extra warmth of course) and Team Geek (in white jerseys). Geek Satan’s Kitten and Jocks Bitch Puddin’ and yours truly, Retox Fox, enjoyed our very first bout action. The Undie Taker was back on skates after recovering from a knee injury. The bout also represented Texas ChanaSaw Massacre’s joyful return to the rink after recovering from a broken hand. With the booty hits she was doling out on the rink, though, you’d never know she’d been deprived of derby action for six weeks!

Before the bout began, the skaters had to adjust to the odd sport court surface. Rather than a smooth surface, the rink at Roosevelt Park  is made of tiles, which makes skating a little bumpy and falls much less pleasant as the body is dragged across the ridges in between the tiles. The floor is also a bit stickier than a normal surface, which means the skaters have to work much harder to push and gain speed. It also means that when you fall, your skin sticks, which can lead to some major rink rash.

Team Jock, captained by MisTits, succeeded by playing strategically, often holding back their pack to ensure that a 20-foot call would free their jammers at the front. (Players must be within 20 feet of the pack to engage a jammer, so by slowing their team down, they regulated the location of the pack and forced Team Geek to abandon pursuit of the Jock jammer.) Team Jock’s blockers, including the power of MisTits, Lizapalooza, Feisty Irish, and Steffen Razor, succeeded in taking out or holding back the Team Geek jammers, which helped maximize the point differential bolstered by the Jocks’ strong jamming.

For Team Jock, Jocks Smashleigh and Zootown Throwdown had the highest scoring jams of the day, each making a 15-point pass. Zoo was the highest scorer of the game, racking up 32 points total. After several successful jams in the first half, Jock Smashleigh did some mighty impressive puking during halftime. However, she returned to the rink to both block and jam for the second half. Terribelle Demise had the most fun jamming against her derby wife, Postal Servix, whom she “love tapped” out of play in order to take the lead. Spankin’ Firecracker, Dirty Thirty, Lizapalooza, and Feisty Irish also took turns at the line jamming for the Jocks.

Team Geek was captained by Smack Dahlia,  the team’s top scoring jammer, who scored 11 of her team’s points. The indomitable Rot Wheels gets my vote for MVP. Not only did she singlehandedly capture Jock jammers at the front of the pack on multiple jams, but the heat seemed to have no effect whatsoever on her amazing endurance–she pivoted jam after jam after jam and was no worse for wear by the end of the bout. Juicy K. Tore (despite her spewing) and SKooter Ov’r were persistent in sticking on a particular skater and making her miserable, while Cole Cocked and Aim De Kill often worked as a cohesive unit to hold back the Jock jammer or clear the path for their own jammer. Satan’s Kitten bravely jammed several times during her debut, showing remarkable endurance as she bounced back from Team Jock’s merciless blocking. CynTax, Postal Servix, The Undie Taker, and SKooter Ov’r also jammed for the Geeks.

Jocks Steffen Razor, Zootown Throwdown, and Dirty Thirty, as well as Geeks Mauly Anna, Aim De Kill, Postal Servix, and CynTax deserve special recognition for coming out to skate in our toasty exhibition bout even after playing with the Brentwood Brawlin’ Bettys last night. The ability to push your body to perform at such a level of intensity twice in less than 24 hours is an amazing feat of athleticism–wow, ladies!

The zebra crew also deserves a big thanks for enduring the heat with us. Texas T-Bag head reffed; Weavin’ Kohl Bear watched the inside pack; Irish Gunslinger and Johnny Demonic served as jam refs; and two guest refs, Winne Baygo and Tall Can from the Santa Cruz Derby Girls, graciously came to help us out as outside pack refs. Se7en Year Bitch and Kyle managed the stats.

We also want to thank our fresh meat for helping the bout run smoothly. Beth womanned the penalty board, Katy deftly handled the penalty timers (which were busy all game long!), and Megan handled penalty tracking. Sammie and Soda PopHer managed the merch table, and Jaz solicited donations as Giga Girl. It’s great to have such an enthusiastic group of new recruits–thanks ladies!

Special thanks to Mr. Juge, who worked hard to keep us hydrated, even as he was celebrating his birthday!

Also a HUGE thank you to our team doc, Dr. Tony Kearns, for being on site during the bout. Those biohazard bags came in mighty handy for our multiple pukers!

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Filed under Roller Derby, SVRG Events

Welcome to the HALL OF PAIN

I’m sure other skaters have had the experience: you tell an acquaintance that you play roller derby, and the look in their eyes means you might as well have told them that you’re really into S & M, or that you worship the devil: it’s a blend of bewilderment, suspicion, curiosity, and a little bit of fear: who is this person? She seemed like such a nice, normal girl…Now they will think of you as the chick who gets off on repeatedly slamming her body into other girls with the goal of destruction.  On the plus side, they probably won’t take any more office supplies off your desk.

Some people still question the verity of roller derby. As a lifelong athlete I feel no need to make an argument that roller derby is a sport: if it wasn’t, I wouldn’t be here. I understand that back in the day roller derby was more of a spectacle in the vein of professional wrestling–but looking at WFTDA leagues and aspirers like us, you’ll see we’re playing a rough and tough but rule-bound sport. I like to tell people that roller derby is kind of like football, but with less padding and a concrete floor–that usually gets the message out that despite the fishnets and the lipstick, we ain’t messin’ around. The physical demands are as intense as any sport I’ve played, if not moreso. The variety of skills you must learn is as challenging as other of life’s pleasures, like statistics and laproscopic surgery. In derby, you must maximize your endurance, balance, strength, agility, durability, and resilience. Especially resilience: there is no doubt that at some point, you will get beat down, and you have got to get back on your skates as soon as humanly possible–whether that’s in 3 seconds or after surgery and six months of recovery. That’s the steel will of a derby girl.

And here, with the Hall of Pain, we will present you with an ongoing gallery of SVRG’s bruises and breaks, sprains and strains, separations and dislocations. We want you to know that our injuries are real, and that these the risks we undertake for the love of our sport.  Here are a couple of our recent spills and the aftermath. Enjoy!

Double Knuckle$$ shows off a week's worth of falls on her elbow.

Double Knuckle$$ shows off a week's worth of falls on her elbow.

Pia Mess shows off a palette of colors on her elbow earned during SVRG's victory over ShEvil Dead at the May Day Massacre.

Pia Mess shows off a palette of colors on her elbow earned during SVRG's victory over ShEvil Dead at the May Day Massacre.

Texas ChanaSaw Massacre broke her hand in her first encounter with a banked track...and can't wait to skate on it again!

Texas ChanaSaw Massacre broke her hand in her first encounter with a banked track...and can't wait to skate on it again!

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Filed under Hall of Pain, Roller Derby