Tag Archives: Texas Tea Bag

SVRG has a fun and derbyful weekend

The Silicon Valley Roller Girls’ season officially ended at the November bout, but we’ve still been workin’ it out and taking any derby opportunity that rolls our way. This weekend SVRG members made appearances at Red Red Holiday, a mixed scrimmage hosted by Sac City, and a scrap team (translation: anyone who had the time & money to travel) meandered down to face some of the San Diego Derby Dolls.

Red Red was particularly exciting this year because we got to send a lot of our new blood for some scrimmage experience. In addition to SVRG vets Steffen Razor (Team Orange) and MisTits (Dark Green), five of our interns got their first taste of bouting: Bozo Disposo (Dark Blue), Cannonball Iztik (Black), Absolutely Scabulous (Red), Blanca Basura Barbie (Pink) and Catherine Beata Bones (Light Green). The ladies had a wonderful time, and three were on the top teams. Barbie’s team, Pink (too appropriate!), took first place, MisTits’s Dark Green took second, and Steffen’s Orange took third. Congratulations!

In the meantime, a bunch of scrappers were bouting in San Diego. There was a question of whether the bout would even take place, because the roof at the Del Mar Fairgrounds was leaking in several places above the concrete track. Thing is, you can’t just tell derby girls there’s no derby. After consulting both teams, SDDD’s Bonnie D. Stroir declared that the game would go on, with some brave volunteers actively toweling the wet spots on the floor.

Because SVRG couldn’t field a whole team, we were grateful for the assistance of a couple of Central Coast Roller Derby ladies, Ivanator and Lacy Thunderware, to help fill our roster. Ivana joined Pia Mess, Death by Dollface, CynTax, and Betta Watchit (in her bout debut)  in the jamming rotation, while Rot Wheels, Kimfectious, Lizapalooza, Belle Wringer, Satan’s Kitten, Bitch Puddin’, Retox Fox, and BootyVicious performed blocker duties. Refs Texas Tea Bag and All Nate Long made the trip with the team, and the most honorable Aim De Kill tackled lineups for the group since her knee injury kept her off the track.

The game was a close one, with SVRG up by only ten points at half time. The tide turned in the second half, however, when SVRG often had more players in the penalty box than on the track. On numerous occasions SVRG was plagued by confusion, because a skater would get sent to the box only to find it chock full of her teammates, at which point she would have to return to the track until she was sent back. Before the midpoint of the second half, SVRG was down two skaters as both Ivanator and Lacy Thunderware had been ejected. SDDD wisely used their perpetual blocker advantage; having more blockers on the floor for nearly every jam allowed them to play woman-on-woman defense and keep one blocker solely on the SVRG jammer, limiting SVRG’s scoring. SDDD also made the most of a couple of power jams when SVRG had their jammer in the box. Gradually, they inched closer and closer, finally securing the lead in the last three jams of the night. SDDD defeated the SVRG scrappers, 97-82. One of our photographers, Adrian Valenzuela, made the trip down with us and you can see a couple of his shots here and a full Flickr set here. You can also check out other pics from the game here.

But the derby wasn’t over for the weekend. SDDD graciously hosted us at their amazing warehouse the next day so some of us could skate on a banked track for the first time. As Satan’s Kitten noted, we were all “SVRG green with envy” about the team’s space, which had room for a banked track, a regular track, workout equipment, lounging area, kids’ play area, and plenty of storage. Some of our previous night’s opponents, Bully Julie and Lila Monster, were there to give us some lessons on how to maximize our speed, hit legally, and take hits on the rail. Despite getting a serious workout the night before, we were all super psyched for the opportunity to skate on the banked track. THANK YOU SDDD and especially Julie and Lila for letting us come skate! You all are awesome!

L: SVRG hearts SDDD! On couch, Lila Monster, Bitch Puddin', Retox Fox, and Satan's Kitten; standing, Bully Julie and Belle Wringer. R: Belle, Kitten, Kimfectious, and Fox on the banked track.

L: Kimfectious and Betta Watchit on the rails. R: Kitten roars on the track.

Of course, that’s not enough derby for some of us. Some of the girls who had skated this weekend (Steffen, Dollface, Disposo, Belle, Fox, and Kimfectious) joined their teammates in welcoming some of the Santa Cruz Derby Girls for a mixed scrimmage last night. Lulu Lockjaw, Hell Louise, Pippi Hardsocking, Roxy Scarmichael, and CinZilla came out to skate with us and it was a fun evening for all. Thanks to all the refs and NSOs who made it possible, and a personal thanks to Broken Baby Doll, Panda, and the rest of the crew who came to my aid after my injury. Congratulations to Team Girth (Pandamonium, Hell Louise, Smack Dahlia, Lindsay Lohanded, Beth Sentence, Donna Diggler, Steffen, Fox, and Knuckles) who defeated Team White (Lulu, Dollface, Pippi, Roxy, CinZilla, Belle, Kimfectious, Smash ‘n’ Burn, and Disposo). Thanks to Jim Cottingham, who came out to photograph us (pics here), and a big thanks to SCDG for coming to visit!

Photo credit: Jim Cottingham

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Filed under Roller Derby, Sister Leagues, SVRG Bouts

KillaBytes trounce Ventura Battalion of Skates, 202-32; Dot.Kamikazes defeat Vendolls, 70-67

Both SVRG teams loaded up and headed to sunny SoCal to take on Ventura County Derby Darlins. The KillaBytes faced off against Ventura’s Battalion of Skates, and the Dot.Kamikazes took on the Vendolls.

The Killas were pumped for their game for several reasons. They had been practicing several strategies that they wanted to test out in a bout. Because both SVRG teams have been impacted by inevitable injuries, we were thrilled that some of our friends at CCRD would be helping us fill out our roster. Also, there were some bout cherries to be popped: Bitch Puddin’ and yours truly, Retox Fox, skated in our first official bout—and let me tell you, it was great to break 200 points in our first outing!

Double Easy, CynTax, Zootown Throwdown, and Postal Servix handled most of the jamming duty. Golden Delicious, on loan from CCRD, also jammed a couple of times. During one jam pivot Steffen Razor received a star pass from Double Easy to also put some points on the board.  Aim De Kill, Retox Fox, and Badass Blondee (CCRD) also each jammed once, with Aim scoring 16 points and Blondee securing 20 in the last jam of the game.

Top left: Postal Servix prepares for another high-scoring jam. Top right: Lead jammer CynTax completes a grand slam. Bottom left: Servix controls the pack while Steffen Razor (r) jams after Easy's star pass. Bottom left: Aim De Kill rallies during her 16 point jam.

Top left: Postal Servix prepares for another high-scoring jam. Top right: Lead jammer CynTax completes a grand slam. Bottom left: Servix controls the pack while Steffen Razor (r) jams after Easy's star pass. Bottom left: Aim De Kill rallies during her 16 point jam. Photos: Nathan Quihuis & Patrick Wills

The KillaByte blockers were also on their game. Mafia Mistress (CCRD) and Bitch Puddin’ effectively held the line against Ventura’s jammers. Aim, Steffen, Servix, Mauly Anna, and Dirty Thirty often teamed up in twos or threes to form impenetrable walls at the front of the pack. In my opinion, it was our 4s who were the most formidable presence on the track. The Beast often had Ventura’s jammer on the ground a half-dozen times in a single jam, while Badass Blondee doled out the kind of hits that could give a girl amnesia.

Left: Bitch Puddin' lets Double Easy sneak by on the line while Steffen Razor goes after Ventura's jammer. Right: Beast and CynTax come out ready for action. Photos: Nathan Quihuis

Left: Bitch Puddin' helps Double Easy sneak by on the line while Steffen Razor goes after Ventura's jammer. Right: Beast and CynTax come out ready for action. Photos: Nathan Quihuis

The bout had its share of memorable moments. At one point, the KillaBytes had 2 blockers in the box and a third didn’t make it onto the track before the whistle blew, leaving Aim De Kill to hold down the fort against the Battalion of Skates all by herself! All in all, it was a fun game, and we were happy to share the track with such a gracious bunch of ladies.

Aim takes on Ventura singlehandedly. Photo: Lindsay

Aim takes on Ventura singlehandedly. Photo: Lindsay

The Dot.Kamikazes were impressed by the Killas’ point margin, but they knew they had their work cut out for them. The Vendolls are known for being a hard-hitting bunch that like to travel in a fast pack. While the Dot.Kams have the speed and endurance to run with a fast pack, they had an additional challenge. As SVRG is used to skating on an indoor track, the outdoor rink’s polished concrete surface was an advantage to the home team. In the first half, several of the Dot.Kamikazes skidded out on the corners as their hard, rink-accustomed wheels slid on the slick surface. Ventura wisely took advantage of SVRG’s unfamiliarity with the surface, delivering hits on slippery turns and having their jammers sneak by when SVRG’s blockers drifted from the line. As a result, some Dot.Kams swapped out their wheels for grippier ones during halftime, which led to significantly fewer falls in the second half.

There was some fine skating to be seen in this bout. Both teams’ impressive defense kept the jams relatively low-scoring, although Ventura’s superspeedy Devious Dutchess had a couple of amazing runs. Both teams successfully employed solid walls to trap their opponents and waterfalls to deliver repeated hits to the opposing jammers. Ventura’s blockers were especially effective at popping up after hard hits and speeding back into the pack.

For the Dot.Kams, Smashleigh, Smack Dahlia, Terribelle Demise, The Undie Taker, and Pia Mess handled jamming, with Terribelle, Undie Taker, and Pia doing double duty as blockers too. Rot Wheels, Lizapalooza, Lindsay Lohanded, Juicy K. Tore, SKooter Ov’r, and Donna Diggler rocked the defense. Steffen Razor, who had already skated full-time in the Killas game, demonstrated her remarkable endurance by also skating on the Dot.Kams roster.

You can read about the bout from Chris of The Best Damn Sports Show Period here.

SVRG would like to thank Ventura for hosting us, and to our great zebra and NSO crew. Thanks to Weavin’ Kohl Bear, Texas T-Bag, Jonny Demonic, Se7en Year Bitch, and Private ChokeHer for coming down to SoCal with us. The KillaBytes would like to extend a special thank you to CCRD’s Badass Blondee, Golden Delicious, and Mafia Mistress, who helped us fill out our roster. You ladies were a perfect fit! Thank you to our amazing coaches, Left Turn Only and Pia Mess for the KillaBytes, and LTO and Death by Dollface for the Dot.Kamikazes. An additional thanks to Pandamonium for working so hard to prep us in her absence. Special thanks to all of our friends and family who came to Ventura to support us! We know it was a long drive but it kept us motivated to hear all the SVRG cheering!

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Thank you! SVRG meets its fundraising goals for Walk Now for Autism

We would like to thank everyone who donated to Walk Now for Autism, especially those of you who helped us reach (and exceed) our goal of $2,500. Our final contribution was $2,725 thanks to your generosity!

Thanks to our SVRG walkers and their fundraising efforts: Frida Khill*ya, Mauly Anna, Feisty Irish, Lizapalooza, Se7en Year Bitch, Satan’s Kitten, Death by Dollface, and Texas T-Bag.

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SVRG Team Jock Trounces Team Geek in Exhibition Bout, 84-23

It was a toasty 96 degrees in San Jose on Sunday, and undoubtedly hotter than that on the sizzling sport court at Roosevelt Park, but the ladies of SVRG sweat it out in their crowd-pleasing exhibition bout this Sunday.

SVRG mixed up the KillaBytes and Dot.Kamikazes to create two teams, Team Jock (in black jerseys, for extra warmth of course) and Team Geek (in white jerseys). Geek Satan’s Kitten and Jocks Bitch Puddin’ and yours truly, Retox Fox, enjoyed our very first bout action. The Undie Taker was back on skates after recovering from a knee injury. The bout also represented Texas ChanaSaw Massacre’s joyful return to the rink after recovering from a broken hand. With the booty hits she was doling out on the rink, though, you’d never know she’d been deprived of derby action for six weeks!

Before the bout began, the skaters had to adjust to the odd sport court surface. Rather than a smooth surface, the rink at Roosevelt Park  is made of tiles, which makes skating a little bumpy and falls much less pleasant as the body is dragged across the ridges in between the tiles. The floor is also a bit stickier than a normal surface, which means the skaters have to work much harder to push and gain speed. It also means that when you fall, your skin sticks, which can lead to some major rink rash.

Team Jock, captained by MisTits, succeeded by playing strategically, often holding back their pack to ensure that a 20-foot call would free their jammers at the front. (Players must be within 20 feet of the pack to engage a jammer, so by slowing their team down, they regulated the location of the pack and forced Team Geek to abandon pursuit of the Jock jammer.) Team Jock’s blockers, including the power of MisTits, Lizapalooza, Feisty Irish, and Steffen Razor, succeeded in taking out or holding back the Team Geek jammers, which helped maximize the point differential bolstered by the Jocks’ strong jamming.

For Team Jock, Jocks Smashleigh and Zootown Throwdown had the highest scoring jams of the day, each making a 15-point pass. Zoo was the highest scorer of the game, racking up 32 points total. After several successful jams in the first half, Jock Smashleigh did some mighty impressive puking during halftime. However, she returned to the rink to both block and jam for the second half. Terribelle Demise had the most fun jamming against her derby wife, Postal Servix, whom she “love tapped” out of play in order to take the lead. Spankin’ Firecracker, Dirty Thirty, Lizapalooza, and Feisty Irish also took turns at the line jamming for the Jocks.

Team Geek was captained by Smack Dahlia,  the team’s top scoring jammer, who scored 11 of her team’s points. The indomitable Rot Wheels gets my vote for MVP. Not only did she singlehandedly capture Jock jammers at the front of the pack on multiple jams, but the heat seemed to have no effect whatsoever on her amazing endurance–she pivoted jam after jam after jam and was no worse for wear by the end of the bout. Juicy K. Tore (despite her spewing) and SKooter Ov’r were persistent in sticking on a particular skater and making her miserable, while Cole Cocked and Aim De Kill often worked as a cohesive unit to hold back the Jock jammer or clear the path for their own jammer. Satan’s Kitten bravely jammed several times during her debut, showing remarkable endurance as she bounced back from Team Jock’s merciless blocking. CynTax, Postal Servix, The Undie Taker, and SKooter Ov’r also jammed for the Geeks.

Jocks Steffen Razor, Zootown Throwdown, and Dirty Thirty, as well as Geeks Mauly Anna, Aim De Kill, Postal Servix, and CynTax deserve special recognition for coming out to skate in our toasty exhibition bout even after playing with the Brentwood Brawlin’ Bettys last night. The ability to push your body to perform at such a level of intensity twice in less than 24 hours is an amazing feat of athleticism–wow, ladies!

The zebra crew also deserves a big thanks for enduring the heat with us. Texas T-Bag head reffed; Weavin’ Kohl Bear watched the inside pack; Irish Gunslinger and Johnny Demonic served as jam refs; and two guest refs, Winne Baygo and Tall Can from the Santa Cruz Derby Girls, graciously came to help us out as outside pack refs. Se7en Year Bitch and Kyle managed the stats.

We also want to thank our fresh meat for helping the bout run smoothly. Beth womanned the penalty board, Katy deftly handled the penalty timers (which were busy all game long!), and Megan handled penalty tracking. Sammie and Soda PopHer managed the merch table, and Jaz solicited donations as Giga Girl. It’s great to have such an enthusiastic group of new recruits–thanks ladies!

Special thanks to Mr. Juge, who worked hard to keep us hydrated, even as he was celebrating his birthday!

Also a HUGE thank you to our team doc, Dr. Tony Kearns, for being on site during the bout. Those biohazard bags came in mighty handy for our multiple pukers!

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SVRG volunteers at Walk a Mile in Her Shoes

SVRG volunteers. Front row: Steffen Razor, BootyVicious, Double Easy, Secret Servix; Back row: Weavin' Kohl Bear, Spankin' Firecracker, Bitch Puddin', Lizapalooza, Retox Fox, and Juicy K. Tore (standing). Not pictured: Death by Dollface, Frida Khill*ya, Se7en Year Bitch, or Lip$tick Bandita. Photo by Ana Sofia

SVRG volunteers. Front row: Steffen Razor, BootyVicious, Double Easy, Secret Servix; Back row: Weavin' Kohl Bear, Spankin' Firecracker, Bitch Puddin', Lizapalooza, Retox Fox, and Juicy K. Tore (standing). Not pictured: Death by Dollface, Frida Khill*ya, Se7en Year Bitch, or Lip$tick Bandita. Photo by Ana Sofia

SVRG spent Wednesday afternoon helping the YWCA out at the annual Walk a Mile in Her Shoes event in downtown San Jose. The event was designed to raise awareness about the incidence of rape and sexual assault by having male participants literally walk a mile in “her” shoes–that is, donated pairs of high heels.

Double Easy and our noble walker, ref Texas Tea Bag. Photo by Ana Sofia

Double Easy and our noble walker, ref Texas Tea Bag. Photo by Ana Sofia

SVRG was happy to contribute by directing traffic and offering encouragement to our walkers along their route. One of our SVRG referees, Texas Tea Bag, also participated in the walk, donning a nice pair of magenta wedges with bows for the occasion.

Our favorite troopers! These gutsy guys picked some seriously steep stilettos for the trek, but were committed to making it to the end! Photo by Ana Sofia

Our favorite troopers! These gutsy guys picked some seriously steep stilettos for the trek, but were committed to making it to the end! Photo by Ana Sofia

We were glad to be raising awareness for such an important issue; seeing men totter around perilously in heels was an added bonus. One participant, wincing as he wobbled along, said that the walk served as “an exercise in sympathy on so many levels.”

The team with the men's shoe selection. Photo by Ana Sofia

The team with the men's shoe selection. Photo by Ana Sofia

Afterwards, several of the team were treated to the hospitality of Bitch Puddin’ and Mr. Bitch Puddin’, who provided us with a delicious gumbo meal to fuel us for a night’s practice. All in all, it was a great day, and all the better to know we were putting our womanpower to use for a good cause!

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