Tag Archives: The Undie Taker

Team White slips past Team Black in SVRG/BADG mixed scrimmage, 86-69

Thank you to the ever talented Double Easy for the recap of our last exhibition bout of the summer! If you weren’t there, too bad…but you can get your derby fill Saturday, August 8th, at our next home bout at San Jose Skate!

SVRG’s last free outdoor exhibition bout of the 2009 summer was held
last Sunday at 5pm at Roosevelt Park in downtown San Jose. At around
80 degrees F, the afternoon was much cooler than those of the last two
exhibition bouts, which experienced approximate temperatures of 90 and
100 degrees F. SVRG had split into our traditional scrimmage colors of
black and white, but this time we had invited our friends and big
sisters, the girls of the B.ay A.rea D.erby Girls (or the BAD Girls
for short), to bolster our ranks. With both teams having 19 or 20
skaters each as opposed to the 10 or 11 of the previous exhibitions,
this last bout was a more relaxing and less exhausting way for SVRG to
end the summer.

Because of the wide variety of skill levels in the skaters (from
rookies who had been playing for a few months to nationals-level
skaters who had been playing for 5 or 6 years), each team divided into
experienced and less-experienced skaters. The black and white teams
made an agreement that the jams would alternate between
more-experienced and less-experienced skaters.

The bout started off fairly evenly, with both teams trading off small
leads in the score. It was not until the middle of the first half that
the white team began to pull away, slowly adding small victories to
their score. In fact there were no enormous point-scoring jams in this
bout. The highest-scoring jam for the white team was a 10-pointer from
Terribelle Demise, and the highest-scoring jam for the black team was
a 9-pointer from Trixie Pixie. These two skaters also had the honor of
being their teams’ highest individual point-scorers, with 21 points in
6 jams for Terribelle and 23 points in 6 jams for Trixie.

White jammers had a particularly tough time getting by black team BAD
Girls Taxi Scab and Liza Machete. However, the black team had an
exceptionally difficult time keeping back quick and agile white jammer
and team captain Brawllen Angel, who scored 18 points in 4 jams and
was also a force to be reckoned with in the pack.

At the end of the first period, the score was 50-25 in favor of white.
The black team took advantage of the 15-minute halftime to regroup and
discuss strategy. This plan worked out for them as the black team
pulled themselves back together as soon as the second period started
and managed to outscore the white team in the second half 44-36.

With about a minute and a half left in the bout, the score was 74-52
in favor of white. With a 22-point deficit, in order to bounce back
the white team would need one incredible jam or two very very good
jams. Black sent out diminutive BADG girl rookie Trixie Pixie to jam,
and white sent out SVRG’s The Undietaker, a rookie member of the
Dot.Kamikazes and a former hockey player. Black got the power jam they
had been looking for when Trixie took lead jammer and The Undietaker
got sent to the penalty box. The formidable white defense was giving
Trixie a bit of trouble and held her to 9 points before Trixie
shrewdly called off the jam with only a few seconds on the clock. At
this point black team captain Taxi Scab instantly called a time out in
order to get one last jam in. With the 9-0 from the last jam, the
score was now 74-61 in favor of white. Black now sent in BADG travel
team jammer Jane Hammer (who, by the way, pulled her team from a
last-jam deficit of 20 points against Sacred City at The Big One
California Tournament in May to tie the game, eventually scoring
_another_ 20 points in triple overtime to win the game) to jam against
a boxed Undietaker. Both teams knew that this would be the last jam
and the deciding jam of the game, and opted to send in their strongest
defense, which included Brawllen Angel, Demanda Riot, and Killer Vee
for the white team, and Liza Machete, Taxi Scab, and sKooter Ov’r for
the black team. Jane Hammer quickly swept through the pack and picked
up lead jammer. However, by this time The Undietaker was finished
serving her penalty time and quickly returned to the track,
immediately slipping her jammer star to pivot and never-fail jammer
Brawllen Angel. Brawllen zipped through the pack like lightening,
followed closely behind by Hammer. Both black and white defenses
picked up, but in the end the white team had outscored the black team
in the last jam 12-8, leading to a final score of 86-69 in favor of

Black team roster: Aim DeKill, 3 / Smashes of Evil, 86’d / Zootown
Throwdown, 406 / BootyVicious, 13 / Retox Fox, 90proof / The Beast, 8
/ Juicy K. Tore, 88 / Lizapalooza, 217 / Satan’s Kitten, 333 / sKooter
Ov’r, 76 / Taxi Scab, 50 cents a mile / Pandamonium, 0 / Trixie Pixie,
360 / Elle Lectrick, >21 / Lemmy Chokeya, 88 / Sinnocent, 594 / La
Chica Mala, 1 kilo / Liza Machete, 1 / Frank N. Hurter, 73 / Jane
Hammer, 777

White team roster: Steffen Razor, 54-46 / The Smack Dahlia, 0147 /
Cyn-tax, 1040EZ / Terribelle Demise, 187 / Dirty Thirty, 10-30 /
Postal Servix, (314) / Donna Diggler, 12 1/2 inches / The Undietaker,
2125 / Bitch Puddin’, Triple 5’s / Double Easy, 238 / Killer Vee, 33 /
Kimfectious, 47 / Tramplesteelskin / Chesty Gillespie, 34DD /
Velveteen Savage, 1.618 / Brawllen Angel, 888 / Bonnie Doom, 444 /
Demanda Riot, 0:00 / Major Drama, 1st



Filed under Sister Leagues, SVRG Bouts

KillaBytes trounce Ventura Battalion of Skates, 202-32; Dot.Kamikazes defeat Vendolls, 70-67

Both SVRG teams loaded up and headed to sunny SoCal to take on Ventura County Derby Darlins. The KillaBytes faced off against Ventura’s Battalion of Skates, and the Dot.Kamikazes took on the Vendolls.

The Killas were pumped for their game for several reasons. They had been practicing several strategies that they wanted to test out in a bout. Because both SVRG teams have been impacted by inevitable injuries, we were thrilled that some of our friends at CCRD would be helping us fill out our roster. Also, there were some bout cherries to be popped: Bitch Puddin’ and yours truly, Retox Fox, skated in our first official bout—and let me tell you, it was great to break 200 points in our first outing!

Double Easy, CynTax, Zootown Throwdown, and Postal Servix handled most of the jamming duty. Golden Delicious, on loan from CCRD, also jammed a couple of times. During one jam pivot Steffen Razor received a star pass from Double Easy to also put some points on the board.  Aim De Kill, Retox Fox, and Badass Blondee (CCRD) also each jammed once, with Aim scoring 16 points and Blondee securing 20 in the last jam of the game.

Top left: Postal Servix prepares for another high-scoring jam. Top right: Lead jammer CynTax completes a grand slam. Bottom left: Servix controls the pack while Steffen Razor (r) jams after Easy's star pass. Bottom left: Aim De Kill rallies during her 16 point jam.

Top left: Postal Servix prepares for another high-scoring jam. Top right: Lead jammer CynTax completes a grand slam. Bottom left: Servix controls the pack while Steffen Razor (r) jams after Easy's star pass. Bottom left: Aim De Kill rallies during her 16 point jam. Photos: Nathan Quihuis & Patrick Wills

The KillaByte blockers were also on their game. Mafia Mistress (CCRD) and Bitch Puddin’ effectively held the line against Ventura’s jammers. Aim, Steffen, Servix, Mauly Anna, and Dirty Thirty often teamed up in twos or threes to form impenetrable walls at the front of the pack. In my opinion, it was our 4s who were the most formidable presence on the track. The Beast often had Ventura’s jammer on the ground a half-dozen times in a single jam, while Badass Blondee doled out the kind of hits that could give a girl amnesia.

Left: Bitch Puddin' lets Double Easy sneak by on the line while Steffen Razor goes after Ventura's jammer. Right: Beast and CynTax come out ready for action. Photos: Nathan Quihuis

Left: Bitch Puddin' helps Double Easy sneak by on the line while Steffen Razor goes after Ventura's jammer. Right: Beast and CynTax come out ready for action. Photos: Nathan Quihuis

The bout had its share of memorable moments. At one point, the KillaBytes had 2 blockers in the box and a third didn’t make it onto the track before the whistle blew, leaving Aim De Kill to hold down the fort against the Battalion of Skates all by herself! All in all, it was a fun game, and we were happy to share the track with such a gracious bunch of ladies.

Aim takes on Ventura singlehandedly. Photo: Lindsay

Aim takes on Ventura singlehandedly. Photo: Lindsay

The Dot.Kamikazes were impressed by the Killas’ point margin, but they knew they had their work cut out for them. The Vendolls are known for being a hard-hitting bunch that like to travel in a fast pack. While the Dot.Kams have the speed and endurance to run with a fast pack, they had an additional challenge. As SVRG is used to skating on an indoor track, the outdoor rink’s polished concrete surface was an advantage to the home team. In the first half, several of the Dot.Kamikazes skidded out on the corners as their hard, rink-accustomed wheels slid on the slick surface. Ventura wisely took advantage of SVRG’s unfamiliarity with the surface, delivering hits on slippery turns and having their jammers sneak by when SVRG’s blockers drifted from the line. As a result, some Dot.Kams swapped out their wheels for grippier ones during halftime, which led to significantly fewer falls in the second half.

There was some fine skating to be seen in this bout. Both teams’ impressive defense kept the jams relatively low-scoring, although Ventura’s superspeedy Devious Dutchess had a couple of amazing runs. Both teams successfully employed solid walls to trap their opponents and waterfalls to deliver repeated hits to the opposing jammers. Ventura’s blockers were especially effective at popping up after hard hits and speeding back into the pack.

For the Dot.Kams, Smashleigh, Smack Dahlia, Terribelle Demise, The Undie Taker, and Pia Mess handled jamming, with Terribelle, Undie Taker, and Pia doing double duty as blockers too. Rot Wheels, Lizapalooza, Lindsay Lohanded, Juicy K. Tore, SKooter Ov’r, and Donna Diggler rocked the defense. Steffen Razor, who had already skated full-time in the Killas game, demonstrated her remarkable endurance by also skating on the Dot.Kams roster.

You can read about the bout from Chris of The Best Damn Sports Show Period here.

SVRG would like to thank Ventura for hosting us, and to our great zebra and NSO crew. Thanks to Weavin’ Kohl Bear, Texas T-Bag, Jonny Demonic, Se7en Year Bitch, and Private ChokeHer for coming down to SoCal with us. The KillaBytes would like to extend a special thank you to CCRD’s Badass Blondee, Golden Delicious, and Mafia Mistress, who helped us fill out our roster. You ladies were a perfect fit! Thank you to our amazing coaches, Left Turn Only and Pia Mess for the KillaBytes, and LTO and Death by Dollface for the Dot.Kamikazes. An additional thanks to Pandamonium for working so hard to prep us in her absence. Special thanks to all of our friends and family who came to Ventura to support us! We know it was a long drive but it kept us motivated to hear all the SVRG cheering!


Filed under Roller Derby, SVRG Bouts

Stripes defeat the Stars in SVRG exhibition bout

A special thanks to Weavin’ Kohl Bear for this compelling account of the SVRG exhibition bout while I was off road trippin’.

For their second exhibition bout at Roosevelt Park, SVRG split itself into two teams, the Stars and the Stripes. Skaters set aside their signature green and black for red, white, and blue in an early celebration of Independence Day. The roller girls had a chance to show their creativity as well as athleticism as they bouted in homemade uniforms that expressed their personal style. To complete the theme, the teams’ patriotic looks were topped off by custom jammer and pivot helmet covers, hand-made by skater Steffen Razor.

Team Stripes took the early lead, with jammers Smashleigh, CynTax, and The Undietaker earning a combined 16 points in the first three jams while their blockers kept the Stars jammers from scoring a single point. Team Stars fought back in the fourth jam, shutting out the Stripes and putting 4 points on the scoreboard, but they just couldn’t stop the Stripes’ momentum.

Team Stars pushed themselves to gain the lead, with three of their skaters jamming in back-to-back jams in the 90-degree heat; in roller derby, though, your score is limited by how many times your jammer can lap the pack. Jammers do not score on their first pass through the pack, and Team Stars jammers were never able to make it through the pack more than twice in the first period, limiting their ability to put points on the board. Team Stripes achieved several scoring passes, including one 10-point jam by Feisty Irish where she earned two grand slam points for lapping the opposing team’s jammer, as well as earning points on each Stars blocker. At the end of the first period, the Stripes were ahead of the Stars, 46-11.

In the second period, Team Stars exploded off the jam line like a 4th of July firecracker, and Stars jammers scored 9 points to the Stripes’ 4 in the first three jams. In the fourth jam, Team Stars’ Double Easy had one of the biggest jams of the game, with three scoring passes that totaled 11 points, equivalent to the Stars’ first period total score. The Stars were definitely making a comeback, but there’s always one factor that can change the game: penalties.

Team Stars had twice as many major penalties as Team Stripes during the second period, which took their skaters off the track and gave the Stripes an advantage. Skaters must serve one full minute in the penalty box every time they earn one major penalty or accrue four minor penalties. Because of the extreme heat, Stars & Stripes played two 20-minute periods rather than the traditional 30-minute periods; in the second period, Stars skaters spent a total of 12 minutes in the penalty box.

The Stripes took advantage of their opponents’ time in the penalty box, and jammer Smashleigh skated an 11-point jam, matching the Stars’ Double Easy for the highest-scoring jam of the bout. Team Stripes seemed to have another trick up their sleeve that brought them an advantage: of the 11 skaters on the Stripes roster, 9 of them took on the role of jammer during the bout. This versatility allowed each jammer more time to rest between jams, while the six Stars jammers spent more time fighting their way through the pack. Ultimately, while Team Stars was able to close the gap on the Stripes’ lead, the Stripes were victorious, with the final score of 79-50.

In spite of the heat, SVRG’s second exhibition bout was a success. Graduates of SVRG’s first eight-week skills Boot Camp attended their first bout as official league members. Our referee crew was able to cheer on refs The Se7en Year Bitch (SVRG) and All Nate Long (Undead Betties) in their first bout on eight wheels, as we said a sad goodbye to veteran ref Needle Fever, who is transferring to Central Coast Roller Derby.

Special thanks to referees Dual Cannonz and Winnie Baygo from Santa Cruz Derby Girls, All Nate Long from the Undead Betties, Randy Eye Candy from Central Coast Roller Derby and announcers Koach Kahuna and Bad Ass Blondee from CCRD for volunteering their time and making our bout a success.

Don’t miss our next event! Visit http://www.svrollergirls.com/calendar.htm for more information on bouts, fundraisers, and special events.

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Filed under Roller Derby, SVRG Bouts

SVRG knocks the socks off Santa Cruz, 131-100!!

Considering the incredibly close and controversial outcomes of these teams’ last bout, everyone anticipated an exciting game on Saturday. It’s nice to play a team that resides nearby, because a lot of Santa Cruz fans made the trek over the hill for this bout, making for great crowd energy. In the end, the SVRG Dot.Kamikazes defeated the visiting Santa Cruz All-Stars, 131-100.

If there’s one word to describe the bout, it would be fast. The packs were often moving at a grueling clip, making the score all that more of a remarkable feat, a testament to the strength and endurance of both teams’ jammers. The Dot.Kamikazes dominated for most of the game, leading at half time 59-33 and during the second half reached a score differential of 121-67.

SVRG's defense dominated. On the left, SVRG holds the line; on the right, they knock Santa Cruz's blockers and jammers off of it.

SVRG's defense dominated. On the left, SVRG's Lizapalooza, Feisty Irish, and Rot Wheels hold the line; on the right, MisTits, Pia Mess, and Feisty Irish knock Santa Cruz's blockers and jammers off of it to clear the path for The Undie Taker. All photos in this post are thanks to Nocklebeast (see link below).

The ladies of SVRG ran a tight defense. Pia Mess set the tone in the very first jam, where she singlehandedly contained Candie Hooligan for lap after lap, setting the precedent for the SVRG blockers’ formidable presence on the track. Rot Wheels controlled the line jam after jam, keeping Santa Cruz’s jammers from taking the inside while providing safe passage for the SVRG jammers. Lizapalooza’s agility was useful as she monitored the outside, flitting in and out of the pack as needed. Donna Diggler doled out the big hits, leaving a wake of toppled Santa Cruz players and earning her a bloody nose in the process. SKootr Ov’r (getting in that jammer’s ear like a skeeter), Feisty Irish (a threat for her ability to hit while maintaining jammer-like speed and motion), BootyVicious (building effective walls—check out that picture!), Juicy K. Tore (pumped up from her massive cheering section and delivering the blocks to keep ’em roaring), and Steffen Razor (showing off her snowplowing skills and controlling the pack) also helped hold down the fort.

On left: Lizapalooza and BootyVicious contain jammer Lulu Lockjaw and Foxee Firestorm. On right: SKooter Ov'r gives Sheila Princess of Power a sweet taste of bootay.

On left: Lizapalooza and BootyVicious contain jammer Lulu Lockjaw and Foxee Firestorm. On right: SKooter Ov'r gives Sheila Princess of Power a sweet taste of bootay. Photo credit: Nocklebeast.

It’s MisTits that I love to watch the most, though. Some skaters have aggressive strides or a fearsome stance. MisTits skates in such an innocuous manner, but then BAM! BAM! BAM! she is a one-woman waterfall repeatedly pounding a jammer until she goes down or out of bounds. And despite her opponents trying to take her out, she endures hit after hit, still skating along like a Sunday stroll. It’s a thing of beauty.

Trust me, if there's one thing you don't want to see, it's these I'm-gonna-git-you looks from the likes of Pia Mess and MisTits.

Trust me, if there's one thing you don't want to see, it's these I'm-gonna-git-you looks from the likes of Pia Mess and MisTits. Photo credit: Nocklebeast.

Speaking of the wonders of the earth, jammer Smashleigh was piercing packs like a bullet all night long. She blazed right through a couple of Santa Cruz’s walls and managed to move so fast that several of Santa Cruz’s power-blocks ended up barely nicking her. She also scored a spectacular 20-POINT JAM!!! I think that may be an SVRG record for this season.

Left: the unstoppable Smashleigh. Right: Terribelle Demise takes a whip from The Undie Taker.

Left: the unstoppable Smashleigh. Right: Terribelle Demise takes a whip from The Undie Taker. Photo credit: Nocklebeast.

Foxee Firestorm had suggested on the radio that Terribelle Demise would be a target for SCDG, but that strategy was FAIL. Terribelle was juking their blockers right and left and diagonal, and still had enough energy to rally the audience every time she passed by the SVRG crowd stronghold on the first turn. The Undie Taker showed that she is coming into her own as a jammer, blazing around the pack in some early jams and doing double duty as a blocker. Smack Dahlia continuously foiled the Santa Cruz blockers, sneaking by on the inside. At one point, Smack also managed to secure lead jammer even after facing an equipment malfunction (the loss of her knee pad cap). Pia Mess and Feisty Irish also stepped in for a jam apiece.

Left: Lulu Lockjaw, speed demon. Right: Foxee Firestorm prepares for a killer hit.

Left: Lulu Lockjaw, speed demon. Right: Foxee Firestorm prepares for a killer hit. Photo credit: Nocklebeast.

My favorite Santa Cruz skater to watch was Lulu Lockjaw. It’s my personal skating goal to be able to move my feet that fast while skating at light speed! And if I could master Foxee Firestorm’s swooping hits, wow.

For other media coverage, check out the rest of nocklebeast’s photos here. Jim Cottingham’s pics can be found here. Hugh Refner, one of the jam refs, also caught some footage on his jam cam, which you can check out here and here (do not consume if you’re hungover and/or otherwise easily nauseated, however.) Major thanks to our photographers!

On behalf of our amazing bout coordinator, Lizapalooza, and all of SVRG, we’d like to thank the Santa Cruz Derby Girls for trekking over the hill to play us. We had a great time hosting you and can’t wait for August when the KillaBytes head in your direction. Thank you as always to our wonderful zebra crew for keeping us in check, and thanks to all the Santa Cruz refs who came to help out. We’d also like to thank all of our volunteers, staff and sponsors who offer their time and dedication. Most of all we’d like to thank our fans, our friends, and our families. Your support means the world to us and we thank you for supporting our passion!


Filed under Roller Derby, SVRG Bouts

SVRG Team Jock Trounces Team Geek in Exhibition Bout, 84-23

It was a toasty 96 degrees in San Jose on Sunday, and undoubtedly hotter than that on the sizzling sport court at Roosevelt Park, but the ladies of SVRG sweat it out in their crowd-pleasing exhibition bout this Sunday.

SVRG mixed up the KillaBytes and Dot.Kamikazes to create two teams, Team Jock (in black jerseys, for extra warmth of course) and Team Geek (in white jerseys). Geek Satan’s Kitten and Jocks Bitch Puddin’ and yours truly, Retox Fox, enjoyed our very first bout action. The Undie Taker was back on skates after recovering from a knee injury. The bout also represented Texas ChanaSaw Massacre’s joyful return to the rink after recovering from a broken hand. With the booty hits she was doling out on the rink, though, you’d never know she’d been deprived of derby action for six weeks!

Before the bout began, the skaters had to adjust to the odd sport court surface. Rather than a smooth surface, the rink at Roosevelt Park  is made of tiles, which makes skating a little bumpy and falls much less pleasant as the body is dragged across the ridges in between the tiles. The floor is also a bit stickier than a normal surface, which means the skaters have to work much harder to push and gain speed. It also means that when you fall, your skin sticks, which can lead to some major rink rash.

Team Jock, captained by MisTits, succeeded by playing strategically, often holding back their pack to ensure that a 20-foot call would free their jammers at the front. (Players must be within 20 feet of the pack to engage a jammer, so by slowing their team down, they regulated the location of the pack and forced Team Geek to abandon pursuit of the Jock jammer.) Team Jock’s blockers, including the power of MisTits, Lizapalooza, Feisty Irish, and Steffen Razor, succeeded in taking out or holding back the Team Geek jammers, which helped maximize the point differential bolstered by the Jocks’ strong jamming.

For Team Jock, Jocks Smashleigh and Zootown Throwdown had the highest scoring jams of the day, each making a 15-point pass. Zoo was the highest scorer of the game, racking up 32 points total. After several successful jams in the first half, Jock Smashleigh did some mighty impressive puking during halftime. However, she returned to the rink to both block and jam for the second half. Terribelle Demise had the most fun jamming against her derby wife, Postal Servix, whom she “love tapped” out of play in order to take the lead. Spankin’ Firecracker, Dirty Thirty, Lizapalooza, and Feisty Irish also took turns at the line jamming for the Jocks.

Team Geek was captained by Smack Dahlia,  the team’s top scoring jammer, who scored 11 of her team’s points. The indomitable Rot Wheels gets my vote for MVP. Not only did she singlehandedly capture Jock jammers at the front of the pack on multiple jams, but the heat seemed to have no effect whatsoever on her amazing endurance–she pivoted jam after jam after jam and was no worse for wear by the end of the bout. Juicy K. Tore (despite her spewing) and SKooter Ov’r were persistent in sticking on a particular skater and making her miserable, while Cole Cocked and Aim De Kill often worked as a cohesive unit to hold back the Jock jammer or clear the path for their own jammer. Satan’s Kitten bravely jammed several times during her debut, showing remarkable endurance as she bounced back from Team Jock’s merciless blocking. CynTax, Postal Servix, The Undie Taker, and SKooter Ov’r also jammed for the Geeks.

Jocks Steffen Razor, Zootown Throwdown, and Dirty Thirty, as well as Geeks Mauly Anna, Aim De Kill, Postal Servix, and CynTax deserve special recognition for coming out to skate in our toasty exhibition bout even after playing with the Brentwood Brawlin’ Bettys last night. The ability to push your body to perform at such a level of intensity twice in less than 24 hours is an amazing feat of athleticism–wow, ladies!

The zebra crew also deserves a big thanks for enduring the heat with us. Texas T-Bag head reffed; Weavin’ Kohl Bear watched the inside pack; Irish Gunslinger and Johnny Demonic served as jam refs; and two guest refs, Winne Baygo and Tall Can from the Santa Cruz Derby Girls, graciously came to help us out as outside pack refs. Se7en Year Bitch and Kyle managed the stats.

We also want to thank our fresh meat for helping the bout run smoothly. Beth womanned the penalty board, Katy deftly handled the penalty timers (which were busy all game long!), and Megan handled penalty tracking. Sammie and Soda PopHer managed the merch table, and Jaz solicited donations as Giga Girl. It’s great to have such an enthusiastic group of new recruits–thanks ladies!

Special thanks to Mr. Juge, who worked hard to keep us hydrated, even as he was celebrating his birthday!

Also a HUGE thank you to our team doc, Dr. Tony Kearns, for being on site during the bout. Those biohazard bags came in mighty handy for our multiple pukers!

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Filed under Roller Derby, SVRG Events