SVRG’s Annual Jello Wrestling Tournament this Saturday, July 31

This Saturday, July 31, starting at 7 pm, will be the Silicon Valley Roller Girls’ annual Jello wrestling tournament at Jack’s Bar & Lounge, 167 E. Taylor St., San Jose. Admission is $8 ($25 for VIP) with $2 Jello shots (of course) and PBR specials. You can buy tickets at Jack’s or on Brown Paper Tickets.

FREE roller derby Sunday, Aug 1! SVRG exhibition bout @ Roosevelt Park

Be there, and bring a brassiere to donate! The Silicon Valley Roller Girls (Dot.Kamikazes, KillaBytes, and Hard Drivers) will be playing in a mixed scrimmage on August 1, 5 pm at Roosevelt Park. Pack a cooler of water and snacks and a lawn chair if you want to see the action up close (otherwise, limited bleacher seating is available).

SVRG KillaBytes topple Lake Tahoe Derby Dames, 123-48

The KillaBytes warm up under the redwoods at the Lake Tahoe Derby Dames' dreamy venue. Photo: Amy Anderson.

The KillaBytes had already taken some hits to the roster from Satan’s Kitten’s separated shoulder, Absolutely Scabulous’s recent concussion, and a last-minute work obligation from Catherine Beata Bones, so they were down to 13 for this bout. Spirits were high, though, because the Killas were happy to welcome back former co-captain Steffin’ Razor, whose return from knee surgery had been delayed due to a subsequent concussion. The Killas were also excited to debut a new member, Tennessee Smitan, who graduated from bootcamp this spring and made her first roster.

In true form, SVRG made it rain—literally. A couple of hours before the bout, the skies became overcast, thunder rolled in the distance, and the drizzle began. Normally, this isn’t much an issue for roller derby bouts, but the Tahoe venue was an outdoor rink, placidly set beneath the towering redwoods at a nearby park. The rain tapered off shortly before the doors were set to open, and thanks to the hard work of the refs, NSOs, and volunteers from Tahoe and SVRG, the track was squeegeed and blow-dried enough for the bout to go on with only a slight delay. Both teams were aware that the rain had made for a confounding factor, however—despite the cleanup, the floor was still super slippery. Turns were hard to hold, speed was difficult to pick up and maintain due to the lack of traction, and juking and other agile footwork was extremely difficult.

Unfortunately, pileups were all too common on the slick surface. Here, Zootown Throwdown and a Lake Tahoe skater are entangled.

Within the first few jams, the Killas worked to adjust to the track conditions. The pack was sluggish and the jammers struggled to determine optimal speeds to make it through quickly without wiping out. The Lake Tahoe Derby Dames were particularly adept at using their momentum to deliver powerful hits to the outside, and the KillaBytes were happy to engage their strong defense with their own killa hits. Due to the track, however, almost any forceful hit ended  up with at least one skater on the ground, if not both, resulting in some inadvertent low blocking and pileups.

Bozo Disposo on the line of the fateful jam.

In the fourth jam, Bozo Disposo was jamming for the first time and trying to adjust to the surface. After securing lead jammer, she saw a hit coming from the inside and decided to absorb it. Due to the track’s slickness, her skates moved in an unexpected manner and she fell in an awkward way, taking too much force on her wrist. Being the trooper that she is, Bozo immediately sat up and called off the jam, but as she skated off the track it was evident (and a hospital trip later confirmed) that her wrist was broken and needed to be reset.

Left: Postal Servix skips by on a no pack; right: Zoo deftly evades a hard hit and breaks the pack.

Greatly saddened by yet another injury (having lost Beth Sentence to a broken ankle in the Denver bout in June and Satan’s Kitten to the aforementioned shoulder injury in the ACDG bout in July), the Killas were now down to 12 on the bench and missing a key part of their jammer rotation, which was now on the shoulders of CynTax, Zootown Throwdown, and Postal Servix, who was also doing double duty as a blocker. Coaches Aim De Kill and Kosmo Trouble helped the team refocus, and a slow-and-steady approach began to reap some benefits, allowing the Killas to creep ahead 57-25 by half-time.

Top left: Steffin' Razor and BootyVicious pinch jammer Fiona Fearless and blocker Mad Maggie. Top right: Postal Servix's booty was rockin' everywhere. Bottom left: Lizapalooza whips Zoo past LTDD's last line of defense. Bottom right: Retox Fox and BootyVicious help clear the path for CynTax.

After the half, the Killas leapt onto the track with new energy. Knowing the track was making the jammers’ lives miserable (not to mention those wicked hits from Tahoe’s power blocking, including Jinn Beam, Fiona Fearless, and Mad Maggie), the Killas dedicated more resources to their offense. Steffin’ Razor, clearly happy to be back on the track, strategically redirected the pack as needed. Lizapalooza and BootyVicious vocally and bodily controlled the pack, doling out solid hits with Postal Servix and Mauly Anna. Bitch Puddin’ and Tennessee Smitan worked the front and middle, using both hits and positional blocking to keep blockers at bay. Skooter Ov’r, Retox Fox, and Knuckles DeVille focused on the back of the pack, keeping jammers and pesky blockers on the ground to maximize their jammers’ scoring potential (see some of Knuckles’s work below).

Jammer Tennessee Smitan cleverly sneaks by on the outside as Knuckles Deville offers protection (and the Lake Tahoe jammer leaps over Knuckles's wreckage).

Fearless rookie Tennessee Smitan also stepped in to handle a couple of jams. In the second half, the Killas jammers, working their way more cautiously through the pack, began to rack up more points per jam, including a 20-point power jam by Zootown Throwdown as Tahoe’s jammer sat in the box. Meanwhile, the Killa defense held Tahoe to only 23 points in the second half despite Tahoe having a couple of power jam opportunities, leading to a final score of 123-48.

You can see pictures from the bout on the Lake Tahoe Derby Dames Facebook page (no membership required) courtesy of Photography Hoodoo.

The KillaBytes would like to thank their amazing coaches, Pandamonium, LTO, Aim De Kill, and Pia Mess for prepping them for this bout. Extra special thanks goes to Awesome Amazing Aim De Kill, who head coached our bout and did a rad job while facing adverse conditions, and Kosmo Trouble, who stepped up to help us out. We would like to thank the ref, NSO, and volunteer crew from Tahoe and SVRG who made this bout possible in the first place by getting the track in workable condition, and thanks to our refs who traveled to Tahoe to skate with us (Jonny Demonic, Jacques Strappe, Peter Fondle, and Teapotahedron). Thanks too to all of our fellow skaters and fans who made the trip up to Tahoe to cheer us on. And big, big thanks to the Lake Tahoe girls for hosting us, giving us a tough game (and the bruises to show for it), and throwing a great afterparty!

KillaBytes off to Lake Tahoe this weekend

If you’re feeling like a road trip and want to see your fierce Silicon Valley Roller Girls on the warpath, the KillaBytes will be taking on the Lake Tahoe Derby Dames at Bijou Community Park in South Lake Tahoe this Saturday, July 24. Doors are at 5 pm, bout at 6 pm. $10 for adults; children 10 & under are free. Bring a lawn chair as there is limited seating available. Afterparty at Brothers Bar & Grill. There will be a big SVRG cheering section, so come join us!

Skater of the Month: Donna Diggler

You know Donna Diggler (12 1/2 inches) on the track because she is a hollerin’ fiend, constantly apprising her Dot.Kamikaze teammates of the pack situation. Her perennial upbeat mood, constant supportive comments, and dedication to making it rain make her a valuable asset to the team psyche. Our tenderoni is also a member of our Safety Committee, helping to care for downed skaters.

You can find out more about Donna here.

The Silicon Valley Roller Girls make for awesome guides

I didn’t want to use the term “escort” in the title and give anyone the wrong impression. This weekend a crew of our Hard Drivers helped guide chefs who were participating in the NACUFS National Conference through the downtown area. Raci Nikkers, Latin Crippler, Krashonista, Kat von Meow, Avida Sane, and Stevie Nickers helped the league raise some much needed funds, and apparently had some fun while doing it. Thank you, ladies!

FREE roller derby this weekend! Come see the debut of SVRG’s Hard Drivers and men’s derby!

Photo: Jim Cottingham

The Silicon Valley Roller Girls are thrilled to announce that we will be hosting a FREE exhibition bout this Sunday, July 18, at 3 pm at the Roosevelt Park Roller Rink (S. 21st & E. Santa Clara).

Our interns graduated from bootcamp this spring, and with their first bouting experience they will officially become SVRG’s Hard Drivers. They will be playing in a mixed scrimmage with some of our friends from the Brentwood Undead Bettys. For half time, you will get to see some of our male refs, non-skating officials (NSOs), coaches, and other affiliates from around the Bay area as they compete in a men’s roller derby (merby) exhibition. And all this sports action is entirely FREE!

There is limited bleacher seating, so feel free to bring chairs or blankets to camp out closer to the rink. All ages are welcome, so bring the whole family. Please note that there are no concessions on site, so feel free to pack your own cooler of water and snacks (please note that alcohol is not permitted in the park). Hats and sunscreen are strongly advised. I will also add that bathroom facilities are limited to Port-o-Potties next to the rink, so plan ahead 🙂

Also, please bring a new or gently used bra for Be a Dear, Donate a Brassiere, which provides undergarments for homeless women. Donations will receive a thank-you gift.

We will be hosting another FREE exhibition bout for all SVRG skaters at Roosevelt on Aug 1 at 5 pm, so mark your calendars for another day of derby to last you until our next home bout on September 11.

SVRG is a win-win; Killas take down ACDG Rocket Queens 118-72 and Dots pummel Treasure Valley 208-68

The Dot.Kamikazes and Coach Panda line up with guest of honor Jerry Seltzer, major sports fan and son of Leo Seltzer, the founder of roller derby. All photos courtesy of Jim Cottingham.

The luau-themed Freaky Tiki Throwdown was a fun-filled evening for fans and skaters alike. Victory was in the air at San Jose Skate on Saturday night as both Silicon Valley Roller Girls’ teams, the KillaBytes and the Dot.Kamikazes, racked up solid wins.

The KillaBytes were coming off an amazing performance (albeit, a loss) against the Denver Roller Dolls’ Bruising Altitude on June 12. They were curious as to what the Angel City Derby Girls’ Rocket Queens would be bringing, since the team has undergone a reboot (several retirements and lots of new blood) since they faced the Dot.Kamikazes last season. Given their younger roster, the team was matched against the KillaBytes this season instead. The KillaBytes were also excited to face the Rocket Queens since a former SVRG bootcamper, Blow Hole, had moved to southern California and was on the ACDG roster.

Left: Belle Wringer and Skooter Ov'r squish the pack. Right: Lizapalooza, Fox, and Knuckles set the pace.

The KillaBytes earned their name from the first whistle with some killer defense. Absolutely Scabulous, Bozo Disposo, and BootyVicious brought it in the pack and as aggressive jammers. Captain Knuckles DeVille, Lizapalooza, and Bitch Puddin’ took turns positionally blocking or taking out jammers at the front of the pack while Belle Wringer and Skooter Ov’r steered ‘em and cleared ‘em in the back.

Left: Bones & her booty sneak attack; Middle & right: Servix doles out some two piece meal.

Postal Servix and Catherine Beata Bones brought some serious booty into the mix, clearing a path with their ferocious swipes (just check out the pics). Retox Fox doled out persistent beatings on jammers and blockers alike, often sharing some special one-on-one moments with an opponent at the back of the pack. Satan’s Kitten threw blocks so vicious that she found out after the game that she had separated her shoulder (meeowch!)

L: CynTax brushes off a hit; M: Bozo Disposo has picked up jamming duties like a natural; L: Skooter Ov'r whips AbScab while keeping an eye on her pack.

Between the Killas’ stellar defense and the jammers’ indefatigable endurance, the Killas had a productive evening on the line. Jamming duties were handled by Co-Captain Zootown Throwdown, CynTax, Catherine Beata Bones, Absolutely Scabulous, Bozo Disposo, and BootyVicious. The Killas succeeded in dethroning the Rocket Queens, 118-72.

One of the thrills of playing new teams from faraway lands is that you’re not quite sure what to expect. The Treasure Valley Rollergirls from Boise, Idaho, made their first visit to the Bay Area, and the murmurs started as the team started their warm up. “Wow, they really look like they know what they’re doing,” one SVRG skater said. Indeed, Treasure Valley would demonstrate their agility throughout the evening against the Dot.Kamikazes.

L: Lindsay Lohanded steers; M: Lizapalooza has a lock on the jammer; R: Pia Mess deftly disposes of the TV jammer.

The Dot.Kamikazes kicked off the jams with a stellar first jam. Pia Mess and Death by Dollface contained TV’s Jilldozer as SVRG’s Smack Dahlia grand-slammed her way to a 13-point jam to TV’s 5. TV bounced right back in the second jam, as both Pia and jammer Smash ‘n’ Burn were sent to the box. TV’s Ana Rampage secured a 14-point power jam, helping TV take a 19-13 lead. In the fourth jam, new SVRG skater Mongoose, a transfer from Florida, made her debut and racked up 9 points in her first jam despite a pack deficit. Although Feisty Irish was in the box serving time, Scait Riot filled in the gap by working as a one-woman wall against TV’s jammer.

L: Mongoose's debut was marked by several high-scoring jams; here she gets a hand from Servix. R: Smack Dahlia believes she can fly...which she did, through double-digit jams.

SVRG continued to have penalty trouble throughout the first 20 minutes of the first half, rarely fielding a full pack. Every time they succeeded in pulling ahead a few points, TV was quick to respond and narrow the point margin. In Jam 12, Dollface, Kimfectious, and jammer Smash ‘n’ Burn crowded the penalty box, but things turned around for SVRG in Jam 13 as Smack Dahlia took advantage of some killer Pia Mess defense and sped to a 14-0 jam. SVRG’s defense—including some excellent teamwork by Scait Riot, Kosmo Trouble, Lizapalooza, and Donna Diggler, and the requisite knockout hits by Pia, Dollface, and Lindsay Lohanded—held TV scoreless for the last six jams of the half, which Mongoose closed with a 10-point power jam for SVRG, giving them a 85-35 lead.

Patty cake? Dance move? Paper, rock, scissors on who gives the whip? Kosmo Trouble and Death by Dollface prepare for an oncoming Smack Dahlia.

SVRG’s defense continued to freeze out TV in the second half; by Jam 9 TV had only put up 2 more points. In the meantime, SVRG made slow but steady forward progress with the exception of Jam 4, when Pia Mess donned the jammer cap and strode to a 30-point power jam with the help of Scait Riot, Dollface, Kimfectious, and Feisty Irish. Smack Dahlia racked up 10 points in Jam 9 before being sent to the box, but nimble blocking by Lindsay Lohanded held the TV jammer to only 4 points in the power jam. Postal Servix (who along with Lizapalooza and Catherine Beata Bones served double duty on the Killas and Dots tonight) took the line in Jam 11 and scored a 15-point jam while Feisty Irish was on fire with her blocking. In the last jams, Kosmo Trouble, Donna Diggler, Feisty Irish, and Catherine Beata Bones all took a turn on the jammer line. Pia Mess also returned and completed a star pass to Smash ‘n’ Burn, the duo earning a collective 18-points in a power jam. In the end, SVRG triumphed over Treasure Valley, 208-68.



If you just can't get enough Teddy Wreckspin, you'll have to come check out men's roller derby on July 18, 3 pm at Roosevelt Park!

As always, thanks to our awesome coaches, Pandamonium, LTO, Aim De Kill, and Pia Mess; our amazing ref and NSO staff; our visiting opponents, the Angel City Rocket Queens and Treasure Valley Rollergirls; and our families, friends, and fans for supporting us!

Thanks to Jim Cottingham for his photos of the KillaBytes and Dot.Kamikazes!