Hall of Pain 2012 Edition

Hurry! Someone call the WHAMbulance!

It has been a while since we posted pics of our battle wounds. Here are some of our favorites in case there was any doubt in your mind that roller derby was a full-contact sport. WARNING: Don’t scroll down if you’re squeamish!

Skater Tots’ bionic ankle before

Skater Tots’ bionic ankle after

Spankin’ Firecracker’s hematoma from the Dust Devil Tournament

Sasha Degrader’s road rash from bouting in the parking lot at subZERO

Absolutely Scabulous’ bootyful bruise

Pins in Sasha Degrader’s Broken Thumb

Thanks to our medics for volunteering their time and expertise at our bouts and scrimmage practices:

Andrew Aragon
Karen Carlsen
Brandon Christensen
Jeff Chung
Katie Hensel
Isaak Huerta
Michelle Park

We also appreciate the generous services of our sponsor, Dr. Mike Rogerson. Rogerson Chiropractic is a family and sports chiropractic clinic in Santa Clara.

SVRG helps local men Walk a Mile in Her Shoes

This past Wednesday, amidst the cold rain and hail, members of the Silicon Valley Roller Girls joined the YWCA’s annual Walk a Mile in Her Shoes event in downtown San Jose. Bozo Disposo, Bitch Puddin’, BootyVicious, Feisty Irish, Spankin’ Firecracker, Cole Cocked, Belle Ringer, Retox Fox, and refs Peter F., Christopher, and Dual Cannonz (currently with Santa Cruz) joined the crew. The walk is designed to promote awareness about rape and sexual assault. During the walk, men don high heels and other women’s shoes to literally walk a mile (okay, more like half a mile) in her shoes.

BootyVicious and Feisty Irish with Chris, who was walking (quite fashionably, check out those shoes!) with Kaiser; Feisty and another participant stay dry.

Before the walk, different speakers shared their stories and elaborated on the frightening statistics about these crimes. A cymbal clashed every 5 minutes to remind the audience about the frequency of sexual assault in the U. S. Although the dreary rain represented the somber nature of the event, participants still managed to keep their spirits high as they marched through the streets. SVRG wants to thank the YWCA for putting on such an important educational event and the brave men who did not let wind, nor rain, nor hail, nor a three-inch stiletto keep them from making the trek and promoting awareness.

San Diego Hard Corps inch past KillaBytes, 108-105; Dot.Kamikazes quell the Dockyard Derby Dames, 158-88

Bitch Puddin' (right back) gives Mauly Anna (right front) some extra momentum as she goes in for the hit on San Diego jammer Blur D'Lee. Photo Credit: Adrian Valenzuela

Wow, for those of you who couldn’t make our doubleheader on Saturday, you missed an amazing night of roller derby!

First up, the Silicon Valley Roller Girls’ KillaBytes faced off against San Diego’s Hard Corps. In December, members of SVRG’s Dot.Kamikazes and KillaBytes had traveled to San Diego to play a scrap bout (i.e., an unofficial bout where whomever can go and play does) with a hybrid of their A and B teams and ended up losing in the last moments of the bout. Given San Diego’s stellar level of play, the Killas were looking forward to hosting them on SVRG’s home turf. The KillaBytes were also very excited to debut three new skaters who graduated from bootcamp at the end of last season and were skating in their very first bout: Absolutely Scabulous, Bozo Disposo, and Catherine Beata Bones.

Top image: Bozo Disposo, Sadie Mae Gutz, Absolutely Scabulous, and pivot BootyVicious wall up. Bottom: Why, they look so sweet on the line! Belle Ringer, Sadie, Mauly Anna, and Double Knuckles pose for a family portrait. Photo Credit: Jim Cottingham

San Diego started strong, setting the tone for the first half. They repeatedly contained the Killa blockers as their jammers raced through the pack. In the first half, San Diego jammers dominated the Killa jammers, securing lead 11 of 19 jams and taking control of the point spread. The Killa jammers, whose collective endurance lends itself to serious pack-lapping at times, never managed to get into the double digits in a single jam in the first half, although CynTax deftly maneuvered through a 9-point jam. In contrast, San Diego jammers Blur D’Lee (2 10-point jams) and Heidi Evidence (13-pt and 9-pt jams) racked up serious points, giving the Hard Corps a 62-38 lead by the end of the first half.

Left: Retox Fox and Catherine Beta Bones tag team the San Diego jammer; Right: Beth Sentence puts some booty into it to control the jammer.

The Killas reconfigured at halftime, but were still struggling into the fifth jam, when Blur D’Lee racked up a 20-point jam and the San Diego bench went wild at their 40 point lead, 91-51. The cheering made its way to the KillaBytes, and somewhere in that moment the tide turned. The Killas managed to turn up their offense and their defense simultaneously. Sadie Mae Gutz, Belle Wringer, and Retox Fox doled out big hits at the back of the pack and kept the Hard Corps jammers contained or on the floor. Captain Knuckles DeVille, BootyVicious, and Beth Sentence smartly controlled the front of the pack, teaming up with Mauly Anna, Bitch Puddin’, Spankin’ Firecracker, Absolutely Scabulous, Bones, and Bozo Disposo to optimize the Killa jammers’ scoring via offensive blocking and a few power whips.

The rookies rocked it last night! Absolutely Scabulous assists Catherine Beta Bones, who had the KillaBytes' highest scoring jam at 17 points.

The Killas kept the Hard Corps scoreless for six consecutive jams, recovering those 40 points and then some to pull ahead 96-91. Catherine Beata Bones shined in her debut bout, racking up the Killas’ highest scoring jam of the night at 17 points. Co-Captain Zootown Throwdown laid down a 10-point jam, and Beth Sentence, making her debut as a jammer, secured an 11-point jam. Double threat BootyVicious and CynTax rounded out the jamming rotation.

Left: Killas Co-Captain Zootown Throwdown sneaks past PT Bruiser. Photo Credit: Jim Cottingham. Right: Captain Knuckles DeVille crushes Summer Crush. Photo Credit: Adrian Valenzuela.

With 1:37 left on the clock, the game was tied 99-99. The coaches sent out their strongest packs for what appeared to be the final showdown, and Zootown Throwdown took the line against Blur D’Lee—a faceoff of the two skaters who would eventually be named their respective team’s MVPs. Killas Knuckles, Sadie, Belle, and Fox contained the nimble Blur as Zoo zipped through the pack and secured lead jammer. The Killa jammer made a full scoring pass and started on another before calling off the jam with 37 seconds left on the clock. Zoo pulled six points as the Killa pack held Blur scoreless, pushing the Killas into the lead, 105-99. The home crowd screamed as the points appeared on the scoreboard, but the Killas would have to hold down the fort for one more jam. Right off the line, the Hard Corps mapped a perfect strategy and were able to get Heidi Evidence lead jammer status. Knowing she had two minutes to work with, she raced through the pack twice and called off the jam after she hit the floor at the front of the pack. There were tense moments as the referees conferred and the scoreboard remained unchanged, but then the final score was announced. Heidi Evidence scored 9 points in the final jam, securing the win for San Diego. Although the Silicon Valley fans were disappointed at the loss, the thrill of the battle still had its rewards, and the Killas were congratulated for their amazing second half comeback. ‘Til we meet again, San Diego…

MisTits, walling up front with Postal Servix, helps Smash 'n' Burn clear the pack. Photo credit: Adrian Valenzuela

The Dot.Kamikazes were anticipating the faceoff against the Dockyard Derby Dames because one of their coaches, the infamous Hollywood Chuck Barry, had paid SVRG a couple of visits during the off season and put them through some strenuous conditioning and skills practices. The Dots wanted to prove to Chuck that their newly minted thighs of steel could hold up against the Dames’ Wave of Mutilation.

Pia Mess multitasks, picking jammer T'erin Traxx off the line and clearing the path for Smack Dahlia. Photo credit: Jim Cottingham

The Dot.Kamikazes started strong and never let up. Smack Dahlia laid down a 9-point jam to kick off the game while the Dots’ pack never released Dakota D. Stroya to score. Although the Dames kept the margin close for much of the first half, the Dots never surrendered the lead, pulling ahead to 75-56 by halftime buoyed by two 9-point jams and a half-ending 13-point jam by Pia Mess.

Left: Rot Wheels helps clear the way for Smash 'n' Burn while Pia Mess eyes the Dockyard jammer. Credit: Adrian Valenzuela. Right: Donna Diggler contains a Dame. Credit: Jim Cottingham.

Although the Dames’ T’erin Traxx and Rocky Hardplace made the pack significantly less jammer-friendly, the Dots’ offensive blocking cleared timely paths for their jammers while Rot Wheels, Death by Dollface, Pia Mess, and Lizapalooza (also a regular whip machine), kept a powerhouse defense at the back of the pack.

Left: Feisty Irish goes after a Dockyard jammer. Photo: Adrian Valenzuela. Right: Postal Servix and Kimfectious maintain a hard wall in front of the Dockyard jammer as Smack Dahlia sneaks up on the pack. Photo: Jim Cottingham.

Kimfectious, Feisty Irish, and Postal Servix, who all donned the pivot cap during the bout, Skooter Ov’r, and BootyVicious, fresh from the Killas game, filled out the pack. Donna Diggler connected on some vicious and crowd-pleasing hits. MisTits showed the crowd why her teammates recently crowned her Skater of the Month. As pivot, she nimbly switched from defense to offense, whipping her jammers out of the pack. After repeatedly flooring the Dames’ jammers, she directed them to what very may well be the least desired position on the track: having to re-enter the track, sans momentum, right behind Tits.

Smack Dahlia (58 pts.), Smash ‘n’ Burn (32 pts.), Pia Mess (43 pts.), Death by Dollface (5 pts.), and rookie Betta Watchit (20 pts.) filled out the jammer rotation. Pia Mess (7.17 points per jam) and Smack Dahlia (5.27 points per jam) impressively averaged over one scoring pass each jam. Smack proved to be the grand slam champ in the second half, earning lead jammer in every appearance and racking up a 13-pt., 2 10-pt, and an 8-pt jam. Donna Diggler and Kimfectious nobly stepped to the line for the final two jams, although both were held scoreless by a hard-hitting Dames’ pack. In the end, the Dots triumphed, 158-88.

Lizapalooza (off camera, to right) lends a helping hand to rookie Betta Watchit. Photo: Adrian Valenzuela

We would like to thank both of our opponent teams for traveling in from San Diego and Tacoma to come play us. Thank you to our amazing SVRG coaches: Pandamonium, who spends so much time off the track getting us in shape strategically; LTO, whose passion for coaching is communicated in every hand signal; Pia Mess, who whips us into such great derby shape; and Aim De Kill, who is cultivating the derby girls of tomorrow. We would like to thank our hardworking ref and NSO staff for keeping us all in line.

Special thanks to Jim Cottingham and Adrian Valenzuela for their photography and helping us share the glory with those of you who missed the bout. You can see Jim’s Killas photos here and Dots photos here; also check out his main page here, which includes some sweet galleries from Mavericks, aviation pics, and more. Adrian has Killas pics here and Dots pics here; you can also order prints from his website. (Hint: derby girls love them!)

And, as always, thanks to our friends, families, fans, sponsors, and other supporters for making this all possible!

The Dot.Kamikazes were anticipating this faceoff because the Dockyard Derby Dames’ coach, Hollywood Chuck Barry, had paid SVRG a couple of visits during the off season and put them through some strenuous conditioning and skills practices. The Dots wanted to prove to Chuck that their newly minted thighs of steel could hold up against the Dames’ Wave of Mutilation.

SVRG Team Jock Trounces Team Geek in Exhibition Bout, 84-23

It was a toasty 96 degrees in San Jose on Sunday, and undoubtedly hotter than that on the sizzling sport court at Roosevelt Park, but the ladies of SVRG sweat it out in their crowd-pleasing exhibition bout this Sunday.

SVRG mixed up the KillaBytes and Dot.Kamikazes to create two teams, Team Jock (in black jerseys, for extra warmth of course) and Team Geek (in white jerseys). Geek Satan’s Kitten and Jocks Bitch Puddin’ and yours truly, Retox Fox, enjoyed our very first bout action. The Undie Taker was back on skates after recovering from a knee injury. The bout also represented Texas ChanaSaw Massacre’s joyful return to the rink after recovering from a broken hand. With the booty hits she was doling out on the rink, though, you’d never know she’d been deprived of derby action for six weeks!

Before the bout began, the skaters had to adjust to the odd sport court surface. Rather than a smooth surface, the rink at Roosevelt Park  is made of tiles, which makes skating a little bumpy and falls much less pleasant as the body is dragged across the ridges in between the tiles. The floor is also a bit stickier than a normal surface, which means the skaters have to work much harder to push and gain speed. It also means that when you fall, your skin sticks, which can lead to some major rink rash.

Team Jock, captained by MisTits, succeeded by playing strategically, often holding back their pack to ensure that a 20-foot call would free their jammers at the front. (Players must be within 20 feet of the pack to engage a jammer, so by slowing their team down, they regulated the location of the pack and forced Team Geek to abandon pursuit of the Jock jammer.) Team Jock’s blockers, including the power of MisTits, Lizapalooza, Feisty Irish, and Steffen Razor, succeeded in taking out or holding back the Team Geek jammers, which helped maximize the point differential bolstered by the Jocks’ strong jamming.

For Team Jock, Jocks Smashleigh and Zootown Throwdown had the highest scoring jams of the day, each making a 15-point pass. Zoo was the highest scorer of the game, racking up 32 points total. After several successful jams in the first half, Jock Smashleigh did some mighty impressive puking during halftime. However, she returned to the rink to both block and jam for the second half. Terribelle Demise had the most fun jamming against her derby wife, Postal Servix, whom she “love tapped” out of play in order to take the lead. Spankin’ Firecracker, Dirty Thirty, Lizapalooza, and Feisty Irish also took turns at the line jamming for the Jocks.

Team Geek was captained by Smack Dahlia,  the team’s top scoring jammer, who scored 11 of her team’s points. The indomitable Rot Wheels gets my vote for MVP. Not only did she singlehandedly capture Jock jammers at the front of the pack on multiple jams, but the heat seemed to have no effect whatsoever on her amazing endurance–she pivoted jam after jam after jam and was no worse for wear by the end of the bout. Juicy K. Tore (despite her spewing) and SKooter Ov’r were persistent in sticking on a particular skater and making her miserable, while Cole Cocked and Aim De Kill often worked as a cohesive unit to hold back the Jock jammer or clear the path for their own jammer. Satan’s Kitten bravely jammed several times during her debut, showing remarkable endurance as she bounced back from Team Jock’s merciless blocking. CynTax, Postal Servix, The Undie Taker, and SKooter Ov’r also jammed for the Geeks.

Jocks Steffen Razor, Zootown Throwdown, and Dirty Thirty, as well as Geeks Mauly Anna, Aim De Kill, Postal Servix, and CynTax deserve special recognition for coming out to skate in our toasty exhibition bout even after playing with the Brentwood Brawlin’ Bettys last night. The ability to push your body to perform at such a level of intensity twice in less than 24 hours is an amazing feat of athleticism–wow, ladies!

The zebra crew also deserves a big thanks for enduring the heat with us. Texas T-Bag head reffed; Weavin’ Kohl Bear watched the inside pack; Irish Gunslinger and Johnny Demonic served as jam refs; and two guest refs, Winne Baygo and Tall Can from the Santa Cruz Derby Girls, graciously came to help us out as outside pack refs. Se7en Year Bitch and Kyle managed the stats.

We also want to thank our fresh meat for helping the bout run smoothly. Beth womanned the penalty board, Katy deftly handled the penalty timers (which were busy all game long!), and Megan handled penalty tracking. Sammie and Soda PopHer managed the merch table, and Jaz solicited donations as Giga Girl. It’s great to have such an enthusiastic group of new recruits–thanks ladies!

Special thanks to Mr. Juge, who worked hard to keep us hydrated, even as he was celebrating his birthday!

Also a HUGE thank you to our team doc, Dr. Tony Kearns, for being on site during the bout. Those biohazard bags came in mighty handy for our multiple pukers!

SVRG back to work at Habitat for Humanity

On roof: Spankin' Firecracker and Lizapalooza. In house: Aim De Kill, Mauly Anna, Double Easy, and Megan

Yet again the ladies of SVRG were out to spend a work day with Habitat for Humanity this past Saturday. This time, they helped construct playhouses donated by Cisco that will be auctioned off to help fund more Habitat projects. Soon enough you’ll be able to hire us for all your construction needs!

SVRG volunteers at Walk a Mile in Her Shoes

SVRG volunteers. Front row: Steffen Razor, BootyVicious, Double Easy, Secret Servix; Back row: Weavin' Kohl Bear, Spankin' Firecracker, Bitch Puddin', Lizapalooza, Retox Fox, and Juicy K. Tore (standing). Not pictured: Death by Dollface, Frida Khill*ya, Se7en Year Bitch, or Lip$tick Bandita. Photo by Ana Sofia

SVRG spent Wednesday afternoon helping the YWCA out at the annual Walk a Mile in Her Shoes event in downtown San Jose. The event was designed to raise awareness about the incidence of rape and sexual assault by having male participants literally walk a mile in “her” shoes–that is, donated pairs of high heels.

Double Easy and our noble walker, ref Texas Tea Bag. Photo by Ana Sofia

SVRG was happy to contribute by directing traffic and offering encouragement to our walkers along their route. One of our SVRG referees, Texas Tea Bag, also participated in the walk, donning a nice pair of magenta wedges with bows for the occasion.

Our favorite troopers! These gutsy guys picked some seriously steep stilettos for the trek, but were committed to making it to the end! Photo by Ana Sofia

We were glad to be raising awareness for such an important issue; seeing men totter around perilously in heels was an added bonus. One participant, wincing as he wobbled along, said that the walk served as “an exercise in sympathy on so many levels.”

The team with the men's shoe selection. Photo by Ana Sofia

Afterwards, several of the team were treated to the hospitality of Bitch Puddin’ and Mr. Bitch Puddin’, who provided us with a delicious gumbo meal to fuel us for a night’s practice. All in all, it was a great day, and all the better to know we were putting our womanpower to use for a good cause!