Hall of Pain 2012 Edition

Hurry! Someone call the WHAMbulance!

It has been a while since we posted pics of our battle wounds. Here are some of our favorites in case there was any doubt in your mind that roller derby was a full-contact sport. WARNING: Don’t scroll down if you’re squeamish!

Skater Tots’ bionic ankle before

Skater Tots’ bionic ankle after

Spankin’ Firecracker’s hematoma from the Dust Devil Tournament

Sasha Degrader’s road rash from bouting in the parking lot at subZERO

Absolutely Scabulous’ bootyful bruise

Pins in Sasha Degrader’s Broken Thumb

Thanks to our medics for volunteering their time and expertise at our bouts and scrimmage practices:

Andrew Aragon
Karen Carlsen
Brandon Christensen
Jeff Chung
Katie Hensel
Isaak Huerta
Michelle Park

We also appreciate the generous services of our sponsor, Dr. Mike Rogerson. Rogerson Chiropractic is a family and sports chiropractic clinic in Santa Clara.

STRIKE!

Happy Holiday Helpers: Goose, Diggler, and Smash

The Silicon Valley Roller Girls spent a very special Thanksgiving with West Valley Community Services at Bowlmor Lanes in Cupertino, ensuring that many area low-income families had a day worthy of being thankful for.

Satan’s Kitten, Stevie Knickers, and Absolutely Scabulous served a beautiful Thanksgiving lunch (on roller skates of course!) alongside other Silicon Valley notables, including United Way CEO Carole Leigh Hutton, Assemblyman Paul Fong, Cupertino Mayor Kris Wang and Saratoga Councilwoman Jill Hunter.

Diggler dishes out dessert.

Smash N’ Burn, Mongoose, Latin Crippler, Lindsay Lohanded, Catherine Beata Bones, and Cannonball Iztik worked the food line and refilled drinks, while Donna Diggler cheered families on at the bowling lanes, and Postal Servix and Beth Sentence handed out SVRG giveaways to children.

The girls were welcomed with open arms and were provided a bowling pin to sign, which will be displayed in Bowlmor’s special case alongside pins from Jason Biggs and other celebrities. They also hosted a ‘Plank-Off Against a Derby Girl’ exercise challenge against Skooter Ov’r where children vied for a chance to take home one of four frozen turkey dinners for their families!

Bowling pin autographed by SVRG

West Valley Community Services is a private nonprofit agency that provides basic needs, family services, and housing assistance in Cupertino and other West Valley communities, such as Monte Sereno, Saratoga, Los Gatos, West San Jose and the unincorporated mountain region. In 2010 thus far, SVRG has completed over 550 community service hours, and looks forward to working with WVCS again soon.

Skater of the Month: Retox Fox

I am very grateful to my awesome teammates for bestowing this honor upon me. However, interviewing myself is a little meta and a lot awkward. Take a shot with me and let’s roll:

How did you get into roller derby?

I was getting signals for a couple of years. As soon as a team started up in my hometown, Louisville, my dad cut out every newspaper article or ad about the Derby City Roller Girls and mailed it to me, but I didn’t have a team where I was living (in the seventh circle of Hell, or southwest Florida). When I moved to Tucson, my BFF/roommate told me he thought derby would be a perfect match for me, but grad school was eating me alive. My final push was actually seeing derby in the flesh—a friend took me to Virgin MusicFest in Baltimore and I got to see the Charm City Roller Girls demo. Then I decided I had to look into it–the timing was perfect and I really needed a new outlet. I was fortunate to find SVRG, which at the time was accepting even non-skaters like me.

What kind of skating skills or athletic abilities did you have before starting derby?

Because my dad was a baseball coach/athletic director, I was a total jock. I played competitive softball, soccer, and volleyball growing up. I’ve  had a kickboxing phase and a gymrat phase, but now my time is devoted to derby and volleyball (which my SVRG teammates refer to as my “dirty mistress.”)

As for skating skills: ha! My first time on the rink I was congratulating myself for not having to use the wall to stand up.

How did you derive your derby name?

I’ve always been Fox, and being a damn proud Kentuckian I am rather fond of bourbon, hence the “Retox” rather than “detox.” Maker’s Mark is a favorite, so I went with 90 proof as my number.

What is your primary position?

I have no desire to have a star-shaped target on my head. I prefer to block at 3 because it requires a lot of versatility: you have to know when to switch to work with the front of the pack or the back of the pack, when to switch from offense to defense, and be able to communicate things in both directions.

What is your greatest strength as a skater?

I’m big on strategy and like to think I can make quick decisions in the midst of the jam. It’s easy to line up with a plan, but with this sport you never know when you’re going to lose someone to the penalty box or your opponent is going to spring an effective counterstrategy. You have to reevaluate the situation every few seconds, decide on a plan, and quickly communicate to your teammates to execute that plan.

What has been your greatest experience on the rink?

Skating in June against the Denver Roller Dolls’ Bruising Altitude was just phenomenal. The venue is amazing, their fans are great, and the skaters themselves are super nice, fun women to spend time with. And although we lost the bout, we owned the afterparty. I just wish Beth Sentence didn’t break her ankle during the bout.

What is your worst injury?

I sprained my ankle twice when I was just starting derby, and unfortunately it didn’t go well since I had broken that one before. It not only kept me off skates for nearly 4 months, but the collective damage now severely limits my range of motion, which is sooo not optimal for skating. I should point out, though, that both these sprains were due to my dirty mistress, volleyball, not derby.

Who’s your biggest fan?

My boyfriend, who is amazing. He came to see me skate in a bout for the first time last August, and the very next morning we were at a skate shop getting him fitted for his own pair of skates. He is very understanding that my free time is on a timeshare with derby and doesn’t complain if I’m up late handling derby business or jetting off for an away game on the weekend. If he ever sees me wince or hears me complain about being sore, he is quick with a massage or a beer. Dreamy.

Which teammates do you work well with?

On the track, if I’m up front, I work well with Knuckles DeVille, BootyVicious, and Mauly Anna. In the back I like working with Belle Wringer, Bones, or Sadie Mae Gutz because I can read where they are going and thus complement their coverage—and they’re hard hitters so it always makes my job easier getting sloppy seconds with the opposing jammer.

Off the track I work well with Absolutely Scabulous, Satan’s Kitten, and Zootown Throwdown doing head stuff. And Bitch Puddin’ and I work our livers together. It’s great just to be surrounded by so many awesome women.

The jammer shall not pass. Photo by Jim Cottingham

What do you contribute to SVRG *off* the track?

I am the Head of PR and Marketing, I contribute to Community Service and Safety committees, and I run this here blog. I try to help out with anything involving writing, editing, or running surveys since those be my goodest skills. As a personal trainer, I like working out with my teammates or sharing exercises with them that can help them recover from an injury or develop strength, balance, agility, and flexibility. However, I make sure to counterbalance the healthful contribution by supplying baked goods en masse, like Oreo truffles, bourbon brownies, and a variety of cookies. NOM NOM NOM. I am eating a brown sugar oatmeal cookie as I type, and it’s rad.

How do you spend the non-derby part of your life?

Places you will find me: on the volleyball court, with a book, in my kitchen, at the bar, or behind the wheel on a road trip. And, too often, working in front of my ‘puter. My life is awesome because every day I get to read/write, eat, and sweat. That’s happy.

What’s the one piece of advice you would give women interested in playing roller derby?

Commit. Roller derby really doesn’t work as a half-assed hobby; it is a lifestyle. You have to commit your time, mind, body, and, in cases involving demons, your soul.

SVRG KillaBytes topple Lake Tahoe Derby Dames, 123-48

The KillaBytes warm up under the redwoods at the Lake Tahoe Derby Dames' dreamy venue. Photo: Amy Anderson.

The KillaBytes had already taken some hits to the roster from Satan’s Kitten’s separated shoulder, Absolutely Scabulous’s recent concussion, and a last-minute work obligation from Catherine Beata Bones, so they were down to 13 for this bout. Spirits were high, though, because the Killas were happy to welcome back former co-captain Steffin’ Razor, whose return from knee surgery had been delayed due to a subsequent concussion. The Killas were also excited to debut a new member, Tennessee Smitan, who graduated from bootcamp this spring and made her first roster.

In true form, SVRG made it rain—literally. A couple of hours before the bout, the skies became overcast, thunder rolled in the distance, and the drizzle began. Normally, this isn’t much an issue for roller derby bouts, but the Tahoe venue was an outdoor rink, placidly set beneath the towering redwoods at a nearby park. The rain tapered off shortly before the doors were set to open, and thanks to the hard work of the refs, NSOs, and volunteers from Tahoe and SVRG, the track was squeegeed and blow-dried enough for the bout to go on with only a slight delay. Both teams were aware that the rain had made for a confounding factor, however—despite the cleanup, the floor was still super slippery. Turns were hard to hold, speed was difficult to pick up and maintain due to the lack of traction, and juking and other agile footwork was extremely difficult.

Unfortunately, pileups were all too common on the slick surface. Here, Zootown Throwdown and a Lake Tahoe skater are entangled.

Within the first few jams, the Killas worked to adjust to the track conditions. The pack was sluggish and the jammers struggled to determine optimal speeds to make it through quickly without wiping out. The Lake Tahoe Derby Dames were particularly adept at using their momentum to deliver powerful hits to the outside, and the KillaBytes were happy to engage their strong defense with their own killa hits. Due to the track, however, almost any forceful hit ended  up with at least one skater on the ground, if not both, resulting in some inadvertent low blocking and pileups.

Bozo Disposo on the line of the fateful jam.

In the fourth jam, Bozo Disposo was jamming for the first time and trying to adjust to the surface. After securing lead jammer, she saw a hit coming from the inside and decided to absorb it. Due to the track’s slickness, her skates moved in an unexpected manner and she fell in an awkward way, taking too much force on her wrist. Being the trooper that she is, Bozo immediately sat up and called off the jam, but as she skated off the track it was evident (and a hospital trip later confirmed) that her wrist was broken and needed to be reset.

Left: Postal Servix skips by on a no pack; right: Zoo deftly evades a hard hit and breaks the pack.

Greatly saddened by yet another injury (having lost Beth Sentence to a broken ankle in the Denver bout in June and Satan’s Kitten to the aforementioned shoulder injury in the ACDG bout in July), the Killas were now down to 12 on the bench and missing a key part of their jammer rotation, which was now on the shoulders of CynTax, Zootown Throwdown, and Postal Servix, who was also doing double duty as a blocker. Coaches Aim De Kill and Kosmo Trouble helped the team refocus, and a slow-and-steady approach began to reap some benefits, allowing the Killas to creep ahead 57-25 by half-time.

Top left: Steffin' Razor and BootyVicious pinch jammer Fiona Fearless and blocker Mad Maggie. Top right: Postal Servix's booty was rockin' everywhere. Bottom left: Lizapalooza whips Zoo past LTDD's last line of defense. Bottom right: Retox Fox and BootyVicious help clear the path for CynTax.

After the half, the Killas leapt onto the track with new energy. Knowing the track was making the jammers’ lives miserable (not to mention those wicked hits from Tahoe’s power blocking, including Jinn Beam, Fiona Fearless, and Mad Maggie), the Killas dedicated more resources to their offense. Steffin’ Razor, clearly happy to be back on the track, strategically redirected the pack as needed. Lizapalooza and BootyVicious vocally and bodily controlled the pack, doling out solid hits with Postal Servix and Mauly Anna. Bitch Puddin’ and Tennessee Smitan worked the front and middle, using both hits and positional blocking to keep blockers at bay. Skooter Ov’r, Retox Fox, and Knuckles DeVille focused on the back of the pack, keeping jammers and pesky blockers on the ground to maximize their jammers’ scoring potential (see some of Knuckles’s work below).

Jammer Tennessee Smitan cleverly sneaks by on the outside as Knuckles Deville offers protection (and the Lake Tahoe jammer leaps over Knuckles's wreckage).

Fearless rookie Tennessee Smitan also stepped in to handle a couple of jams. In the second half, the Killas jammers, working their way more cautiously through the pack, began to rack up more points per jam, including a 20-point power jam by Zootown Throwdown as Tahoe’s jammer sat in the box. Meanwhile, the Killa defense held Tahoe to only 23 points in the second half despite Tahoe having a couple of power jam opportunities, leading to a final score of 123-48.

You can see pictures from the bout on the Lake Tahoe Derby Dames Facebook page (no membership required) courtesy of Photography Hoodoo.

The KillaBytes would like to thank their amazing coaches, Pandamonium, LTO, Aim De Kill, and Pia Mess for prepping them for this bout. Extra special thanks goes to Awesome Amazing Aim De Kill, who head coached our bout and did a rad job while facing adverse conditions, and Kosmo Trouble, who stepped up to help us out. We would like to thank the ref, NSO, and volunteer crew from Tahoe and SVRG who made this bout possible in the first place by getting the track in workable condition, and thanks to our refs who traveled to Tahoe to skate with us (Jonny Demonic, Jacques Strappe, Peter Fondle, and Teapotahedron). Thanks too to all of our fellow skaters and fans who made the trip up to Tahoe to cheer us on. And big, big thanks to the Lake Tahoe girls for hosting us, giving us a tough game (and the bruises to show for it), and throwing a great afterparty!

SVRG is a win-win; Killas take down ACDG Rocket Queens 118-72 and Dots pummel Treasure Valley 208-68

The Dot.Kamikazes and Coach Panda line up with guest of honor Jerry Seltzer, major sports fan and son of Leo Seltzer, the founder of roller derby. All photos courtesy of Jim Cottingham.

The luau-themed Freaky Tiki Throwdown was a fun-filled evening for fans and skaters alike. Victory was in the air at San Jose Skate on Saturday night as both Silicon Valley Roller Girls’ teams, the KillaBytes and the Dot.Kamikazes, racked up solid wins.

The KillaBytes were coming off an amazing performance (albeit, a loss) against the Denver Roller Dolls’ Bruising Altitude on June 12. They were curious as to what the Angel City Derby Girls’ Rocket Queens would be bringing, since the team has undergone a reboot (several retirements and lots of new blood) since they faced the Dot.Kamikazes last season. Given their younger roster, the team was matched against the KillaBytes this season instead. The KillaBytes were also excited to face the Rocket Queens since a former SVRG bootcamper, Blow Hole, had moved to southern California and was on the ACDG roster.

Left: Belle Wringer and Skooter Ov'r squish the pack. Right: Lizapalooza, Fox, and Knuckles set the pace.

The KillaBytes earned their name from the first whistle with some killer defense. Absolutely Scabulous, Bozo Disposo, and BootyVicious brought it in the pack and as aggressive jammers. Captain Knuckles DeVille, Lizapalooza, and Bitch Puddin’ took turns positionally blocking or taking out jammers at the front of the pack while Belle Wringer and Skooter Ov’r steered ‘em and cleared ‘em in the back.

Left: Bones & her booty sneak attack; Middle & right: Servix doles out some two piece meal.

Postal Servix and Catherine Beata Bones brought some serious booty into the mix, clearing a path with their ferocious swipes (just check out the pics). Retox Fox doled out persistent beatings on jammers and blockers alike, often sharing some special one-on-one moments with an opponent at the back of the pack. Satan’s Kitten threw blocks so vicious that she found out after the game that she had separated her shoulder (meeowch!)

L: CynTax brushes off a hit; M: Bozo Disposo has picked up jamming duties like a natural; L: Skooter Ov'r whips AbScab while keeping an eye on her pack.

Between the Killas’ stellar defense and the jammers’ indefatigable endurance, the Killas had a productive evening on the line. Jamming duties were handled by Co-Captain Zootown Throwdown, CynTax, Catherine Beata Bones, Absolutely Scabulous, Bozo Disposo, and BootyVicious. The Killas succeeded in dethroning the Rocket Queens, 118-72.

One of the thrills of playing new teams from faraway lands is that you’re not quite sure what to expect. The Treasure Valley Rollergirls from Boise, Idaho, made their first visit to the Bay Area, and the murmurs started as the team started their warm up. “Wow, they really look like they know what they’re doing,” one SVRG skater said. Indeed, Treasure Valley would demonstrate their agility throughout the evening against the Dot.Kamikazes.

L: Lindsay Lohanded steers; M: Lizapalooza has a lock on the jammer; R: Pia Mess deftly disposes of the TV jammer.

The Dot.Kamikazes kicked off the jams with a stellar first jam. Pia Mess and Death by Dollface contained TV’s Jilldozer as SVRG’s Smack Dahlia grand-slammed her way to a 13-point jam to TV’s 5. TV bounced right back in the second jam, as both Pia and jammer Smash ‘n’ Burn were sent to the box. TV’s Ana Rampage secured a 14-point power jam, helping TV take a 19-13 lead. In the fourth jam, new SVRG skater Mongoose, a transfer from Florida, made her debut and racked up 9 points in her first jam despite a pack deficit. Although Feisty Irish was in the box serving time, Scait Riot filled in the gap by working as a one-woman wall against TV’s jammer.

L: Mongoose's debut was marked by several high-scoring jams; here she gets a hand from Servix. R: Smack Dahlia believes she can fly...which she did, through double-digit jams.

SVRG continued to have penalty trouble throughout the first 20 minutes of the first half, rarely fielding a full pack. Every time they succeeded in pulling ahead a few points, TV was quick to respond and narrow the point margin. In Jam 12, Dollface, Kimfectious, and jammer Smash ‘n’ Burn crowded the penalty box, but things turned around for SVRG in Jam 13 as Smack Dahlia took advantage of some killer Pia Mess defense and sped to a 14-0 jam. SVRG’s defense—including some excellent teamwork by Scait Riot, Kosmo Trouble, Lizapalooza, and Donna Diggler, and the requisite knockout hits by Pia, Dollface, and Lindsay Lohanded—held TV scoreless for the last six jams of the half, which Mongoose closed with a 10-point power jam for SVRG, giving them a 85-35 lead.

Patty cake? Dance move? Paper, rock, scissors on who gives the whip? Kosmo Trouble and Death by Dollface prepare for an oncoming Smack Dahlia.

SVRG’s defense continued to freeze out TV in the second half; by Jam 9 TV had only put up 2 more points. In the meantime, SVRG made slow but steady forward progress with the exception of Jam 4, when Pia Mess donned the jammer cap and strode to a 30-point power jam with the help of Scait Riot, Dollface, Kimfectious, and Feisty Irish. Smack Dahlia racked up 10 points in Jam 9 before being sent to the box, but nimble blocking by Lindsay Lohanded held the TV jammer to only 4 points in the power jam. Postal Servix (who along with Lizapalooza and Catherine Beata Bones served double duty on the Killas and Dots tonight) took the line in Jam 11 and scored a 15-point jam while Feisty Irish was on fire with her blocking. In the last jams, Kosmo Trouble, Donna Diggler, Feisty Irish, and Catherine Beata Bones all took a turn on the jammer line. Pia Mess also returned and completed a star pass to Smash ‘n’ Burn, the duo earning a collective 18-points in a power jam. In the end, SVRG triumphed over Treasure Valley, 208-68.



If you just can't get enough Teddy Wreckspin, you'll have to come check out men's roller derby on July 18, 3 pm at Roosevelt Park!

As always, thanks to our awesome coaches, Pandamonium, LTO, Aim De Kill, and Pia Mess; our amazing ref and NSO staff; our visiting opponents, the Angel City Rocket Queens and Treasure Valley Rollergirls; and our families, friends, and fans for supporting us!

Thanks to Jim Cottingham for his photos of the KillaBytes and Dot.Kamikazes!

SVRG rollin’ around the South Bay

Steffin' Razor, Absolutely Scabulous, Smack Dahlia, Vegas Vixen, Saucy Monstrosity, Belle Wringer, and Lizapalooza with their pets.

The Silicon Valley Roller Girls were out and about this weekend. On Saturday morning, several skaters and their assortment of dogs made an appearance in the Los Altos Pet Parade. Lizapalooza and Absolutely Scabulous brought their respective Chloes; Steffin’ Razor, Vegas Vixen, and Smack Dahlia had their bulldogs (Betty, Miller, and Knuckles, respectively); Belle brought beautiful white wolflike Gir; Saucy Monstrosity brought her pint-sized chihuahua, Mugsy; and Retox Fox, being petless among the bunch, toted the banner. Thanks to the Los Altos Town Crier for mentioning us in their writeup.

Left: waiting for the band to strike up again; left, Knuckles and Betty flaunt their preciousness.

Zoo, Fox, Puddin', AbScab, and Cosmo at Via Velo. Not pictured: Bozo Disposo.

Later on in the day, Ab Scab and Fox joined up with Bitch Puddin’, Zootown Throwdown, Bozo Disposo, and Cosmo Trouble (the former MisTits) to perform some demos and chat with the crowd at Via Velo, a festival in downtown San Jose celebrating biking and alternative forms of transportation. It’s always great to meet new people and spread the derby love. We were particularly excited to start promoting our junior derby camp this summer. Thanks to all the great people we talked to, and a special thanks to Tricia for the opportunity to talk some derby from the stages.

Dude, it's a firetruck...THAT'S A SHARK!

We’re looking forward to another busy week. We will be helping out at the Sakomoto Elementary open house, then skating at their fundraiser on Wednesday, and then we will be in attendance at the San Jose Wolves arena football game on Saturday.

Skater of the Month: Absolutely Scabulous

AbScab gives Bones a whip to free her from the pack. Photo: Adrian Valenzuela.

How do I love AbScab? Let me count the ways. This woman is a go-getter in every sense of the word and has committed herself to the league 100%. She is the person you cross your fingers and hope to get in your group or on your scrimmage team because you know her enthusiasm is going to keep you going and get you in a good place no matter what. She recently debuted in her first bout for the KillaBytes in March. Her solid, clean play, teamwork, and endurance meant she skated in over 50% of jams–amazing! Off the track, as Head of Bout Production, she puts in a zillion woman-hours making sure our bouts run smooth like butter. We are lucky to have such a font of energy, ideas, and achievement in the league. I heart you!

How did you get into roller derby?

Last April, I had found a flier at a local coffee shop and was totally intrigued. I had just moved to San Jose from San Francisco and was feeling some serious girlfriends-withdrawals. I was tired of running and swimming alone, and doing solo sports, so I decided to check out a bout and attended the annual burlesque show. The skaters were total rock stars out there—I knew I wanted to be one too! I joined bootcamp in July and have totally been sippin’ on the derby Kool-Aid ever since.

What kind of skating skills or athletic abilities did you have before starting derby?

I’m huge into playing sports—I love the ocean and have always been a really strong swimmer. I completed a marathon, triathlons, and even was a cheerleader in college. Surprised? I didn’t think so. Skating wise, my mom was a serious ice skater and I always wanted to be like her, so I did some ice skating growing up. She still has the fierce legs I hope to have one day too.

How did you derive your derby name?

The infamous British Sitcom “Absolutely Fabulous” (add a Scab)…the short and dirty of the show:  two immature, chain-smoking, alcoholic, prosperous but preposterous substance-abusing fashion and fad-obsessed Londoners who value fame and style over substance. My vices instead are Diet Coke and overdraft charges.

What is your primary position?

It’s evolving as I learn the sport and the coaches and teammates learn my style. I had a scab-solute blast playing 3 in my first game and knocking the San Diego jammer on her arse. Best. Feeling. Ever.

What is your greatest strength as a skater?

I try to be totally positive, reliable and hardworking. I want my teammates to trust me both on and off skates. That, and I try to keep up with Dollface and Pia’s endurance.

What has been your greatest experience on the rink?

There was nothing more gratifying than being told that I get to go in. Every time. I was thrilled to simply play. And so grateful for the generous play-time I got in my very first bout.

What is your worst injury and how did you earn it?

LOL, see this Hall of Pain.

Who’s your biggest fan(s)?

I don’t know if I have a fan base yet besides my family. But if I did have a fan section, they could call themselves the Crabby Scabbies. [Ed.’s note: This is better than the Scabby Crabs, which are decidedly not welcome on the rink.]

Who do you like to partner up with on the track?

Betta, Bozo, and I always gravitate toward each other in practice—but so far on the track, I love taking orders from Knuckles, Booty, and Ms. Fox!

What are you looking forward to the most this season?

Skating. Bouting. Laughing. In that order.

Roller derby: does it get you dates or deter them?

Dollface taught me that by putting “roller derby” in my online dating profiles you can sell more tickets to bouts. I’m totally not above doing this. So in a way, yes. You can come to my games if that counts as a date.

What do you contribute to SVRG off the track?

¼ of the season DEEP into planning our bouts. From the tickets you purchase online, to the butt pads you sit on in the VIP section, I lead the coordination for our home games. You’ll have to attend the next three home bouts to see what I have up my sleeve/elbow pad!

I know you work your ass off for SVRG. That’s why I nominated you. Why don’t you spill a little on how all your derby work occupies your life?

I was printing off some signage the Friday before the last bout on my work printer, specifically “Bathroom Priority Goes to Skaters and Refs,” and didn’t pick it up in time off the printer. I had an awesome explanation to my co-workers as to why Skaters and Refs should get bathroom preference at our workplace.

How do you spend the non-derby part of your life?

My day job is workin’ hard for the money at a social gaming company, Playdom, as an Executive Assistant. When I got new skates last month, I put them on and wore them under my desk while I did work. I also have a spunky little puparoni named Chloe the Monster (no kidding, that’s her registered AKC name).

What’s the one piece of advice you would give women interested in playing roller derby?

Be patient with yourself and the learning process. This is a sport NO ONE knows how to play. And add 8 wheels to that confusion and it’s a long, hilarious, challenging journey of learning to play the sport.

What can we anticipate for the next SVRG home bout? What is going to be the raddest part about it?

First and foremost, the Killas are going to kill-it. I am so proud to be a KillaByte and can’t wait to play again with this talented group of skaters. And of course, there will be some pirate debauchery from one of our superfans, Mic Skallywag and his gaggle of pirates! Sword fights, a live pirate band, and maybe if you’re lucky, some pirate booty!

The rock star we know and love. Photo: Jim Cottingham

San Diego Hard Corps inch past KillaBytes, 108-105; Dot.Kamikazes quell the Dockyard Derby Dames, 158-88

Bitch Puddin' (right back) gives Mauly Anna (right front) some extra momentum as she goes in for the hit on San Diego jammer Blur D'Lee. Photo Credit: Adrian Valenzuela

Wow, for those of you who couldn’t make our doubleheader on Saturday, you missed an amazing night of roller derby!

First up, the Silicon Valley Roller Girls’ KillaBytes faced off against San Diego’s Hard Corps. In December, members of SVRG’s Dot.Kamikazes and KillaBytes had traveled to San Diego to play a scrap bout (i.e., an unofficial bout where whomever can go and play does) with a hybrid of their A and B teams and ended up losing in the last moments of the bout. Given San Diego’s stellar level of play, the Killas were looking forward to hosting them on SVRG’s home turf. The KillaBytes were also very excited to debut three new skaters who graduated from bootcamp at the end of last season and were skating in their very first bout: Absolutely Scabulous, Bozo Disposo, and Catherine Beata Bones.

Top image: Bozo Disposo, Sadie Mae Gutz, Absolutely Scabulous, and pivot BootyVicious wall up. Bottom: Why, they look so sweet on the line! Belle Ringer, Sadie, Mauly Anna, and Double Knuckles pose for a family portrait. Photo Credit: Jim Cottingham

San Diego started strong, setting the tone for the first half. They repeatedly contained the Killa blockers as their jammers raced through the pack. In the first half, San Diego jammers dominated the Killa jammers, securing lead 11 of 19 jams and taking control of the point spread. The Killa jammers, whose collective endurance lends itself to serious pack-lapping at times, never managed to get into the double digits in a single jam in the first half, although CynTax deftly maneuvered through a 9-point jam. In contrast, San Diego jammers Blur D’Lee (2 10-point jams) and Heidi Evidence (13-pt and 9-pt jams) racked up serious points, giving the Hard Corps a 62-38 lead by the end of the first half.

Left: Retox Fox and Catherine Beta Bones tag team the San Diego jammer; Right: Beth Sentence puts some booty into it to control the jammer.

The Killas reconfigured at halftime, but were still struggling into the fifth jam, when Blur D’Lee racked up a 20-point jam and the San Diego bench went wild at their 40 point lead, 91-51. The cheering made its way to the KillaBytes, and somewhere in that moment the tide turned. The Killas managed to turn up their offense and their defense simultaneously. Sadie Mae Gutz, Belle Wringer, and Retox Fox doled out big hits at the back of the pack and kept the Hard Corps jammers contained or on the floor. Captain Knuckles DeVille, BootyVicious, and Beth Sentence smartly controlled the front of the pack, teaming up with Mauly Anna, Bitch Puddin’, Spankin’ Firecracker, Absolutely Scabulous, Bones, and Bozo Disposo to optimize the Killa jammers’ scoring via offensive blocking and a few power whips.

The rookies rocked it last night! Absolutely Scabulous assists Catherine Beta Bones, who had the KillaBytes' highest scoring jam at 17 points.

The Killas kept the Hard Corps scoreless for six consecutive jams, recovering those 40 points and then some to pull ahead 96-91. Catherine Beata Bones shined in her debut bout, racking up the Killas’ highest scoring jam of the night at 17 points. Co-Captain Zootown Throwdown laid down a 10-point jam, and Beth Sentence, making her debut as a jammer, secured an 11-point jam. Double threat BootyVicious and CynTax rounded out the jamming rotation.

Left: Killas Co-Captain Zootown Throwdown sneaks past PT Bruiser. Photo Credit: Jim Cottingham. Right: Captain Knuckles DeVille crushes Summer Crush. Photo Credit: Adrian Valenzuela.

With 1:37 left on the clock, the game was tied 99-99. The coaches sent out their strongest packs for what appeared to be the final showdown, and Zootown Throwdown took the line against Blur D’Lee—a faceoff of the two skaters who would eventually be named their respective team’s MVPs. Killas Knuckles, Sadie, Belle, and Fox contained the nimble Blur as Zoo zipped through the pack and secured lead jammer. The Killa jammer made a full scoring pass and started on another before calling off the jam with 37 seconds left on the clock. Zoo pulled six points as the Killa pack held Blur scoreless, pushing the Killas into the lead, 105-99. The home crowd screamed as the points appeared on the scoreboard, but the Killas would have to hold down the fort for one more jam. Right off the line, the Hard Corps mapped a perfect strategy and were able to get Heidi Evidence lead jammer status. Knowing she had two minutes to work with, she raced through the pack twice and called off the jam after she hit the floor at the front of the pack. There were tense moments as the referees conferred and the scoreboard remained unchanged, but then the final score was announced. Heidi Evidence scored 9 points in the final jam, securing the win for San Diego. Although the Silicon Valley fans were disappointed at the loss, the thrill of the battle still had its rewards, and the Killas were congratulated for their amazing second half comeback. ‘Til we meet again, San Diego…

MisTits, walling up front with Postal Servix, helps Smash 'n' Burn clear the pack. Photo credit: Adrian Valenzuela

The Dot.Kamikazes were anticipating the faceoff against the Dockyard Derby Dames because one of their coaches, the infamous Hollywood Chuck Barry, had paid SVRG a couple of visits during the off season and put them through some strenuous conditioning and skills practices. The Dots wanted to prove to Chuck that their newly minted thighs of steel could hold up against the Dames’ Wave of Mutilation.

Pia Mess multitasks, picking jammer T'erin Traxx off the line and clearing the path for Smack Dahlia. Photo credit: Jim Cottingham

The Dot.Kamikazes started strong and never let up. Smack Dahlia laid down a 9-point jam to kick off the game while the Dots’ pack never released Dakota D. Stroya to score. Although the Dames kept the margin close for much of the first half, the Dots never surrendered the lead, pulling ahead to 75-56 by halftime buoyed by two 9-point jams and a half-ending 13-point jam by Pia Mess.

Left: Rot Wheels helps clear the way for Smash 'n' Burn while Pia Mess eyes the Dockyard jammer. Credit: Adrian Valenzuela. Right: Donna Diggler contains a Dame. Credit: Jim Cottingham.

Although the Dames’ T’erin Traxx and Rocky Hardplace made the pack significantly less jammer-friendly, the Dots’ offensive blocking cleared timely paths for their jammers while Rot Wheels, Death by Dollface, Pia Mess, and Lizapalooza (also a regular whip machine), kept a powerhouse defense at the back of the pack.

Left: Feisty Irish goes after a Dockyard jammer. Photo: Adrian Valenzuela. Right: Postal Servix and Kimfectious maintain a hard wall in front of the Dockyard jammer as Smack Dahlia sneaks up on the pack. Photo: Jim Cottingham.

Kimfectious, Feisty Irish, and Postal Servix, who all donned the pivot cap during the bout, Skooter Ov’r, and BootyVicious, fresh from the Killas game, filled out the pack. Donna Diggler connected on some vicious and crowd-pleasing hits. MisTits showed the crowd why her teammates recently crowned her Skater of the Month. As pivot, she nimbly switched from defense to offense, whipping her jammers out of the pack. After repeatedly flooring the Dames’ jammers, she directed them to what very may well be the least desired position on the track: having to re-enter the track, sans momentum, right behind Tits.

Smack Dahlia (58 pts.), Smash ‘n’ Burn (32 pts.), Pia Mess (43 pts.), Death by Dollface (5 pts.), and rookie Betta Watchit (20 pts.) filled out the jammer rotation. Pia Mess (7.17 points per jam) and Smack Dahlia (5.27 points per jam) impressively averaged over one scoring pass each jam. Smack proved to be the grand slam champ in the second half, earning lead jammer in every appearance and racking up a 13-pt., 2 10-pt, and an 8-pt jam. Donna Diggler and Kimfectious nobly stepped to the line for the final two jams, although both were held scoreless by a hard-hitting Dames’ pack. In the end, the Dots triumphed, 158-88.

Lizapalooza (off camera, to right) lends a helping hand to rookie Betta Watchit. Photo: Adrian Valenzuela

We would like to thank both of our opponent teams for traveling in from San Diego and Tacoma to come play us. Thank you to our amazing SVRG coaches: Pandamonium, who spends so much time off the track getting us in shape strategically; LTO, whose passion for coaching is communicated in every hand signal; Pia Mess, who whips us into such great derby shape; and Aim De Kill, who is cultivating the derby girls of tomorrow. We would like to thank our hardworking ref and NSO staff for keeping us all in line.

Special thanks to Jim Cottingham and Adrian Valenzuela for their photography and helping us share the glory with those of you who missed the bout. You can see Jim’s Killas photos here and Dots photos here; also check out his main page here, which includes some sweet galleries from Mavericks, aviation pics, and more. Adrian has Killas pics here and Dots pics here; you can also order prints from his website. (Hint: derby girls love them!)

And, as always, thanks to our friends, families, fans, sponsors, and other supporters for making this all possible!

The Dot.Kamikazes were anticipating this faceoff because the Dockyard Derby Dames’ coach, Hollywood Chuck Barry, had paid SVRG a couple of visits during the off season and put them through some strenuous conditioning and skills practices. The Dots wanted to prove to Chuck that their newly minted thighs of steel could hold up against the Dames’ Wave of Mutilation.

Hall of Pain: Absolutely Scabulous eats rink

No, that’s not a fine goatee AbScab is sporting. In the midst of some hot derby action at practice last week, she took a full on sprawl and met the floor chin first. Thankfully, she had her mouthguard in, so she only ate floor and not her own tongue. The result was this lovely bruise and a raging headache the next day. Hot!

AbScab is thankful to still have her pretty teefs, and so would like this to serve as a public service announcement: ALWAYS WEAR YOUR MOUTHGUARD!

IMHO: Confessions of a Derby Wannabe

This post comes from SVRG’s Absolutely Scabulous, who passed bootcamp at the end of last season and has become a full time derby girl. Currently she is serving as Head of Bout Production and doing a fabulous job…come see the product of all her hard work (on skates and off) at our first home bout on March 6!

by Absolutely Scabulous

It’s been 8 months, folks. 8 months, 3 two-hour practices a week, and all the additional heart and soul I have been putting into the sport of roller derby. If you would have asked me last April where I would have seen myself in 8 months, I think my arrogance would have gotten the best of me. I was convinced that I could possibly be the missing link in roller derby, the undiscovered gem, that finally, I may have found a sport that I could be the front runner! But here I sit post-practice, a deflated medium. I am an average roller derby skater.

There were a lot of surprises I could have never predicted when entering the derby culture. I never expected the costs associated with it and how much it would really factor into my budget. Skates, pads, helmet, workout clothes, even how the hell am I going to carry my skates since they don’t fit in my cheap-ass bag I got from Ross? That extra top from Forever Hoochie and those new black flat boots from DSW were bumped down on the priority list–I wanted a set of G-Rod wheels so could actually grip the track; I want a better fitting skate with higher quality hardware so I can count on it when I’m out playing (rather than worrying about losing a toe stop around turn 1). The financial commitment associated with derby wasn’t necessarily a burden, but simply a new way of prioritizing my expenditures, and in turn, my lifestyle. I’m learning that my purchases are a lot more meaningful than what they used to be.

I don’t think I understood the human element of it all, the personalities and interactions between skaters. I don’t know who I thought this group of women were (no really, I didn’t have any clue who would be passionate and involved in this insane sport). In most life situations, I find myself the loudest/funniest/popular-est of the bunch and I usually can charm the pants off whoever is around. But this group was different. I feel myself being shy and awkward in situations where I would normally be extremely confident–it’s truly an ass-slap to my ego, making sure I don’t get too comfortable and really pushes me to stay focused. And since I’m not the top dog skater, I’m literally forced to listen to the more experienced girls and attempt to absorb as much strategy at all times. THEN I can allow myself to socialize. Playing derby has challenged me to stretch my own comfort level, be a teammate rather than an individual and begin to learn a new side of my own personality. It’s been a humbling experience for me as I’ve had to let younger girls teach me and learn to take huge amounts of both positive and negative feedback. For me, that’s actually a huge growing area–I’m not one to run out and ask for feedback (c’mon, who really is?).

And then, the derby learning curve. Oh you mean, long and slow learning curve. So you wanted to run a marathon? Sweet! Just follow this training plan. Oh you wanted to swim for varsity? No problem, you’ll be captain after a year! And then there’s roller derby: quite possibly the only sport I’ve ever attempted to play where I truly am starting from zero knowledge. Besides knowing how to do basic skating, I am learning this sport utterly and completely from the ground up. This isn’t an innate skill, you aren’t born with skates on your feet (even though I think some of the A-team girls were, along with mouth guards and came out of the womb screaming “JAMMER! JAMMER! JAMMER!”). And what I’m learning the most, besides not to let the opposing blockers distract me, is to be patient with myself and this process. There are rules, positions, strategy, and intuition that all must be practiced, and practiced and practiced some more, then finally learned.

So here I sit, post-Wednesday practice, our scrimmaging practice. The entire drive home I attempted to process the wave of information, advice, and feedback given to me. And I couldn’t really digest it all until I started writing. It’s okay if at this practice I only did one single thing better than I did yesterday. It’s completely okay that I might have sucked at something tonight (or many things!). Even if I tried my best and did one good block, or avoided a hit, that’s one skill I wasn’t able to do at the last practice. Be a little squirrelly, be a lot nervous and for the love of god, forgive yourself for all these things. Most importantly, never forget that you’re playing on roller skates–how the hell can you not have fun on a pair of skates?