Skater of the Month: Absolutely Scabulous

AbScab gives Bones a whip to free her from the pack. Photo: Adrian Valenzuela.

How do I love AbScab? Let me count the ways. This woman is a go-getter in every sense of the word and has committed herself to the league 100%. She is the person you cross your fingers and hope to get in your group or on your scrimmage team because you know her enthusiasm is going to keep you going and get you in a good place no matter what. She recently debuted in her first bout for the KillaBytes in March. Her solid, clean play, teamwork, and endurance meant she skated in over 50% of jams–amazing! Off the track, as Head of Bout Production, she puts in a zillion woman-hours making sure our bouts run smooth like butter. We are lucky to have such a font of energy, ideas, and achievement in the league. I heart you!

How did you get into roller derby?

Last April, I had found a flier at a local coffee shop and was totally intrigued. I had just moved to San Jose from San Francisco and was feeling some serious girlfriends-withdrawals. I was tired of running and swimming alone, and doing solo sports, so I decided to check out a bout and attended the annual burlesque show. The skaters were total rock stars out there—I knew I wanted to be one too! I joined bootcamp in July and have totally been sippin’ on the derby Kool-Aid ever since.

What kind of skating skills or athletic abilities did you have before starting derby?

I’m huge into playing sports—I love the ocean and have always been a really strong swimmer. I completed a marathon, triathlons, and even was a cheerleader in college. Surprised? I didn’t think so. Skating wise, my mom was a serious ice skater and I always wanted to be like her, so I did some ice skating growing up. She still has the fierce legs I hope to have one day too.

How did you derive your derby name?

The infamous British Sitcom “Absolutely Fabulous” (add a Scab)…the short and dirty of the show:  two immature, chain-smoking, alcoholic, prosperous but preposterous substance-abusing fashion and fad-obsessed Londoners who value fame and style over substance. My vices instead are Diet Coke and overdraft charges.

What is your primary position?

It’s evolving as I learn the sport and the coaches and teammates learn my style. I had a scab-solute blast playing 3 in my first game and knocking the San Diego jammer on her arse. Best. Feeling. Ever.

What is your greatest strength as a skater?

I try to be totally positive, reliable and hardworking. I want my teammates to trust me both on and off skates. That, and I try to keep up with Dollface and Pia’s endurance.

What has been your greatest experience on the rink?

There was nothing more gratifying than being told that I get to go in. Every time. I was thrilled to simply play. And so grateful for the generous play-time I got in my very first bout.

What is your worst injury and how did you earn it?

LOL, see this Hall of Pain.

Who’s your biggest fan(s)?

I don’t know if I have a fan base yet besides my family. But if I did have a fan section, they could call themselves the Crabby Scabbies. [Ed.’s note: This is better than the Scabby Crabs, which are decidedly not welcome on the rink.]

Who do you like to partner up with on the track?

Betta, Bozo, and I always gravitate toward each other in practice—but so far on the track, I love taking orders from Knuckles, Booty, and Ms. Fox!

What are you looking forward to the most this season?

Skating. Bouting. Laughing. In that order.

Roller derby: does it get you dates or deter them?

Dollface taught me that by putting “roller derby” in my online dating profiles you can sell more tickets to bouts. I’m totally not above doing this. So in a way, yes. You can come to my games if that counts as a date.

What do you contribute to SVRG off the track?

¼ of the season DEEP into planning our bouts. From the tickets you purchase online, to the butt pads you sit on in the VIP section, I lead the coordination for our home games. You’ll have to attend the next three home bouts to see what I have up my sleeve/elbow pad!

I know you work your ass off for SVRG. That’s why I nominated you. Why don’t you spill a little on how all your derby work occupies your life?

I was printing off some signage the Friday before the last bout on my work printer, specifically “Bathroom Priority Goes to Skaters and Refs,” and didn’t pick it up in time off the printer. I had an awesome explanation to my co-workers as to why Skaters and Refs should get bathroom preference at our workplace.

How do you spend the non-derby part of your life?

My day job is workin’ hard for the money at a social gaming company, Playdom, as an Executive Assistant. When I got new skates last month, I put them on and wore them under my desk while I did work. I also have a spunky little puparoni named Chloe the Monster (no kidding, that’s her registered AKC name).

What’s the one piece of advice you would give women interested in playing roller derby?

Be patient with yourself and the learning process. This is a sport NO ONE knows how to play. And add 8 wheels to that confusion and it’s a long, hilarious, challenging journey of learning to play the sport.

What can we anticipate for the next SVRG home bout? What is going to be the raddest part about it?

First and foremost, the Killas are going to kill-it. I am so proud to be a KillaByte and can’t wait to play again with this talented group of skaters. And of course, there will be some pirate debauchery from one of our superfans, Mic Skallywag and his gaggle of pirates! Sword fights, a live pirate band, and maybe if you’re lucky, some pirate booty!

The rock star we know and love. Photo: Jim Cottingham



Filed under Skater of the Month, SVRG Skaters

4 responses to “Skater of the Month: Absolutely Scabulous

  1. momofscab

    you’re scabulicious!! wheres my “skater of the month bumpersticker”? rock on lil lex!

  2. Zootown

    Congrats again AbScab! You’ve worked your butt off and you always give it 110% You definitely deserved getting this award little lady! Loved your write up and couldn’t agree w/ fox more when she said “She is the person you cross your fingers and hope to get in your group or on your scrimmage team because you know her enthusiasm is going to keep you going and get you in a good place no matter what.” So. true.

    Who was skater of the Month?!?! That’s right…Ms. Absolutely Scabulous!!!!

  3. Attila the Honey

    My Fiance met Ab Scab today. He works at Google and he was wearing his Sacred City T-shirt that says “Attila’s Honey” on the back (Because I’m Attila the Honey and he’s my honey). He didn’t think of it till later but he was trying to find out what department she works in so he could maybe hook us up… any chance I could get in contact with her?

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