Tag Archives: Smashes of Evil

The Ultimate Guide to Choosing Your Roller Derby Name

So, you’ve decided you want to be a roller derby girl. You’ve gathered your gear, paid your dues, and you’ve been taking your hits on the fresh meat rink. You’re getting ready to graduate from bootcamp and join the big girls. You’re in it to win it—so the time has come to get yourself the perfect moniker. Choosing the right roller derby name is an art, so whether you’re brainstorming or narrowing down your choices, be sure to consider the following bits of advice.

1. Make it memorable. The most classic derby names are short, sweet, and have a pun that the general audience can follow. Often, names are plays off of female names. Personally, I think it’s hard to beat our own Pia Mess. All the better if your number plays into the joke too—Pia’s is 24/7.

2. Watch the spelling and pronunciation. In the day of search engines and decreasing spelling aptitude, consider how your name is pronounced and spelled. It should be as grammatically sensible as possible. If you pick something obtuse and difficult to pronounce, don’t blame the announcers when they mangle it at every bout or bitch at that one teammate who always seems to get it wrong no matter how many times you correct her—you did it to yourself.

3. Consider the length. You don’t want your name to be a mouthful. It will be a pain in the ass to fit it on your jersey, your helmet, and signs from your fans. If you’re the crafty type, you’re going to find yourself spending a small fortune paying for the extra letters. If you are insistent on a long name…

4. …be prepared for the nickname. SVRG’s MisTits picked her name because of her love of the band The Misfits and her fine rack. When we address her, though, it’s “Tits” or “Titties.” Fortunately, she has the swagger to pull it off—but if this is a fate you’re not prepared for, be sure to consider all the ways your name can be shortened. If there’s no logical way to shorten it to something cute and convenient, be prepared for people to give up and use your real name (which may or may not be what you prefer.)

5. Think twice about in-jokes. Really, this is a personal preference. If you and your friends think your name is clever and you like it, go for it—but expect to explain the whole story every time someone asks you where your name came from, and then be prepared for the blank look and disappointed “oh” when you’re done, because in-jokes aren’t nearly as funny with the out-crowd.

6. Don’t date yourself. Avoid slang and trends that are likely to fall out of fashion. Hell, you could be on skates for the next decade—so you don’t want to be stuck with the same kind of awkwardness as you feel now when your parents talk about bling. On the same note, if you’re looking to cop a celebrity name, be sure to stick to A-listers with durable careers. Gotham’s Beyonslay or Santa Cruz’s Angelina Rollie can rest assured their superstar names will stand the test of time, but if you play off of Heidi Montag, Kate Gosselin, or some American Idol, no one is going to get it once those famewhores’ 15 minutes are up.

7. Think about your rating. Would you rate your name PG, PG-13, or R? Consider your team’s norms and market—some are more conservative and family-oriented, whereas others limit their team and bouts to the 21+ crowd. Our team readily hosts Se7en Year Bitch and Bitch Puddin’, but if someone adopted the name Shitty McFuckface, eyebrows would be raised. Consider what people around you would think. If you blush at the thought of your grandparents, boss, kids, students, etc., finding out your derby name, then you better keep your fingers crossed they never come watch you play or see your jersey in the laundry pile.

8. Avoid similarity to other registered names, especially your teammates’. If your name is too similar to a registered one, there’s a good chance it will get rejected. Our own Secret Servix changed her name to Postal Servix because her name was too similar to a Colorado team. Be particularly careful not to choose something too close to a teammate’s name—not only do you not want to step on her toes or cramp her style, but more importantly, you don’t want to cause any confusion on the track when someone is hollering at you.

9. Try it out. Um, you wouldn’t buy a car without test driving it, right? So, run it by your teammates. See if you can stand being called by it—this is also a good way to determine what the working (shortened) version is going to be.

10. Get it registered—and have a backup plan. Recently SVRG’s Smashleigh found out her name was never registered, and by the time it was submitted, it was too similar to another skater’s to be accepted. It may take your team’s designated name register-er a while to collect the list, and there is often a backlog on the site, so be prepared for the possibility of rejection based on duplication even if your name seemed unique at the time. Come up with a backup name that you also like, and don’t get too attached to your first choice until it’s final.

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SVRG loves a parade!

Some of our dedicated skaters made an appearance at the Willow Glen Founder’s Day Parade in San Jose this past Saturday before our bout against OC. Thanks to Steffen Razor for the on-site reporting!

Private Choker, Texas ChanaSaw Massacre, Steffen Razor, and Belle Ringer rep SVRG in the parade.

Private Choker, Texas ChanaSaw Massacre, Steffen Razor, and Belle Ringer rep SVRG in the parade.

SVRG @ Willow Glen Founder’s Day Parade

Writeup by Steffen Razor

This was the first parade to skate in for many of us, so we were very excited and ready to do some skating! Our roster for the parade consisted of Texas ChanaSaw Massacre, Private Choker, Belle Wringer, Steffen Razor and our ground crew/promotional coordinator Kimfectious. The Dot.Kamikazes had a bout the same evening, plus we have been promoting for the movie Whip It, so this was a prime opportunity for us to do some flyering.

Although there were 40+ entries in the parade and there was a large turnout of participants, we were charmed to see that the parade lasted three blocks, and that it had a very “hometown” feel to it. The crowd was pretty rowdy (for a parade) as we skated down the street. They were asking us to do tricks and cheering when we did some fancy backwards whips we had been practicing a few nights before. They also liked our regular whips and the skilled display of hip checks by Razor, Belle and ChanaSaw. Obviously SVRG is well known in the area, because we heard requests for Lipstik Bandita and other skaters, as well as cheers from some fans who know us already. One parade-goer seemed skeptical of our league’s success, so Razor skated over to explain our record for the year, that both our A and B teams had only lost one game each. Upon being challenged with “Well, have you played Santa Cruz?” Razor was pleased to answer that we had played both their A and B teams and had been victorious both times.

After the parade was over, we did a little meet ‘n greet with the crowd, and handed out some goodies: sweatbands, wristbands, buttons, trading cards and posters from Whip It.

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SVRG was around town in other fashions this weekend as well. Below are some pics from an appearance some of our girls did to promote the Whip It soundtrack at Streetlight Records.

Left: Feisty Irish and Smashes of Evil hand out goodies. Right: Terribelle Demise poses with a fan.

Left: Feisty Irish and Smashes of Evil hand out goodies. Right: Terribelle Demise poses with a fan.

We hope to see some more fans out at our next public appearance, during the premiere of Whip It at Camera 7 Pruneyard and Camera 12 Downtown Theaters this Friday!

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SVRG Dot.Kamikazes dominate the Orange County Crushers, 132-64

The best offense is a good defense. L: Pia Mess takes care of an OC blocker. R: Aim De Kill controls not one but two of OC's pack.

The best offense is a good defense. L: Pia Mess takes care of an OC blocker. R: Aim De Kill controls not one but two of OC's pack. Photos: Jim Cottingham

Reporting by Kimfectious

When I say SV, you say RG! Over and over, Skooter Ov’r got the crowd pumped up to cheer for their hometown favorites, the Dot.Kamikazes, as they battled it out with Orange County’s Orange Crushers.  As the two teams rolled out, Juicy K. Tore of SVRG cartwheeled her way into her birthday bout, setting the mood for a fun and action packed night.  The crowd was already going nuts as the girls lined up for the first whistle blow.

Juicy K. Tore celebrated her birthday bout by cartwheeling out onto the track and enjoying an extra long birthday spank alley at half time.

Juicy K. Tore celebrated her birthday bout by cartwheeling out onto the track and enjoying an extra long birthday spank alley at half time. Photos: Jim Cottingham

Pia Mess started off the first jam with 14 points.  Both her booty and her attitude taunted the opposing team with “I dare you.”  Smash & Burn, Smack Dahlia, and Terribelle Demise proved to be a strong jammer rotation for Silicon Valley, with Wild Bella, B Train, D Cup Runneth Over, and Ice Cube sportin’ the star for Orange County.  OC’s Kina Wahine also served double duty, jamming and playing defense in the pack.

SVRG had the advantage of a full roster, while the Orange Crushers played with only 11 skaters.  None of this seemed to faze Kina Wahine. The Hawaiian honey of Orange County skated full force in the pack.  She led the Crushers in the right direction and constantly had her eyes locked on the SVRG jammer.  Also bringin’ it for OC was Brik Wall and Street Cred. Both ladies dished out some gnarly hits. Loca Mafiosa, Hell Toro, Rotten O, and Mia Roller comprised the rest of the Crusher defense.

Who said blockers have all the fun? Photo: Jim Cottingham

Who said blockers have all the fun? Photo: Jim Cottingham

Mistits and Rot Wheels, SVRG’s pivots, held down the front while Donna Diggler, Juicy K. Tore, The Beast, Lizapalooza, Aim to Kill, Lindsay Lohanded, Postal Servix, and Death by Dollface rocked the defense in the rest of the pack. This wall of black and green worked together to smush the Crushers to the outside or drive them to the inside, leaving just inches for the SVRG jammer to sneak by.

By jam 9, the score was OC 15 and SVRG 50.  Then Silicon Valley’s dynamic defense, by both blockers and jammers, denied Orange County any points for 8 jams in a row.  Kina Wahine muscled through and scored two points in the 19th jam of the period.

Pia Mess proved her diversity as a player, by playing every single position in the pack, and as a jammer she had an awesome average of 6.33 points per jam. In her first game as a Dot.Kamikaze, Postal Servix proved to be an effective blocker and jammer.  She scored 14 points in three jams, and just may be rookie of the season.

In the second half, Orange County came back strong.  They effectively used the twenty foot rule (i.e., a blocker must be within 20 feet of the pack in order to hit or engage the jammer) to control the pack and score some points. B-train and Ice Cube each chipped away at the score, getting a few points and then calling off the jam before SVRG could score.  The Orange Crushers were lead jammer for the first seven jams, until SVRG’s Pia Mess came back in the 8th jam as lead jammer.  As the second half went on, SVRG kept getting stronger and scoring more points.  Both teams were all smiles as the last jam ran out, final score 134 to 67. After a victory lap, each team announced its MVPs, with Smack Dahlia, who jammed for 41 points, representing SVRG, and Street Cred and her awesome defense winning it for the OC.

Thanks again to the awesome Kimfectious for the reporting!

We would like to give a special thanks to all of the Santa Cruz Derby Girls fans who came out to support your NorCal sisters—your presence and cheering was much appreciated!

As per usual, we would like to thank our hard-working ref and NSO staff; our great announcing team, Timothy Jordan, 92.3 FM’s Teddy Bynum, and SVRG Renaissance woman Skooter Ov’r; our wonderful coaches, Pandamonium, Left Turn Only, and Pia Mess; our volunteers, for their hard work; and our families, friends,sponsors, and fans for their forever support.

Don’t forget to mark your calendars for SVRG’s last home game, a doubleheader at San Jose Skate on November 14!! You’ll get to see both the Dot.Kamikazes and the KillaBytes in their last game of the season!

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SVRG Dot.Kamikazes dominate ACDG Rocket Queens, 209-45

It's a girl! SVRG's Death by Dollface, Rot Wheels, and Aim de Kill contain the ACDG defense while birthing jammer Pia Mess.

It's a girl! SVRG's Death by Dollface, Rot Wheels, and Aim de Kill contain the ACDG defense while birthing jammer Pia Mess. Photo credit: Jim Cottingham

This past Saturday, SVRG hosted the Angel City Derby Girls’ Rocket Queens at San Jose Skate. A turn in unseasonably cool August weather heated up the venue, but thankfully there was plenty of Pabst Blue Ribbon and Faultline beer to keep the crowd cooled off.

This bout was a notable event for two skaters: First, Death by Dollface made her triumphant return to the track. Not only was she the typical terror on wheels in the pack, but she also took a couple of turns jamming—and grand slamming—scoring a 15-point jam and then closing out the game with a 20-point jam. Second, this was blocker/fear-invoker The Beast’s first bout on the Dot.Kamikaze roster this season, and she brought down the house…not to mention a number of Rocket Queens. My personal favorite moment of the bout was looking up to see a downed Beast springing up from the floor, catching up with the pack, and singlehandedly taking out the Rocket Queens’ 4, then their 3, and then the jammer, all within a half-lap of the track…phenomenal.

Walls

These ain't no sugar walls. Left: Death by Dollface and Rot Wheels pin back a Rocket Queen jammer. Right: Feisty Irish and Pia Mess partner up at the back of the pack. Photo credit: Jim Cottingham

Indeed, SVRG’s defense stalled the ACDG jammers. While blocking, Pia Mess buzzed around jammers, keeping them engaged long enough to secure the SVRG jammer a grand slam before ACDG could manage a scoring pass. Aim De Kill, Rot Wheels, and BootyVicious often controlled the front of the pack, while Feisty Irish hovered near the back, keeping ACDG neatly contained. Donna Diggler and SKooter Ov’r delivered swooping hits while Rot Wheels picked Rocket Queen blockers off the line, insuring safe passage for the SVRG jammers. The SVRG defense was so successful that they held ACDG scoreless in 21 of the 34 jams, and ACDG only scored more than 4 points in a jam once.

Booty evades

BootyVicious stays low and balanced as she gracefully evades a killer hit. Photo credit: Jim Cottingham

Offensively, SVRG was unstoppable. Eleven of SVRG’s 14 skaters took a turn at the jammer line. Aside from usual jammers Smack Dahlia, Smashleigh aka Smashes of Evil, Terribelle Demise, and Pia Mess (who raced to a 19-point jam), Dot.Kamikazes Feisty Irish, Juicy K. Tore, BootyVicious, Death by Dollface, Lizapalooza, SKooter Ov’r, and team captain Rot Wheels (who scored a 15-point jam) all donned the star cap. SVRG completed eight jams with 10+ points.

You can see more amazing photos from the bout at Jim Cottingham’s site here.

SVRG would like to thank our amazing coaches, Pandamonium, Left Turn Only (so glad to see you running around again!), and Pia Mess. Thanks to the Angel City Rocket Queens for making the trek up to see us. Thanks to our amazing bout coordinator and totally-on-it crew: Lizapalooza, Death by Dollface, Frida Khill*ya, and Broken Babydoll, plus all the other SVRGs working their buns off. Special thanks to our wonderful zebras Texas Tea Bag, Jonny Demonic, Hannah Grenade, Hue Refner, Ulrich Von Hurtem, Winnie Baygo, and Randy Eye Candy, and our herd of NSOs: Jacques Strappe, Se7en Year Bitch, Frida Khill*ya, Sam Hain, Rocky Launcher, Dorothy Vader, Cole Cocked, Mauly Anna, Lindsay Lohanded, Organ Doaner, ChanaSaw Massacre, Belle Wringer, Frisky Business, and 18 Wheeler. Special shoutout to our girl (and NSO) Needles Fever! Thanks to our fab announcers: SVRG’s own Lip$tick Bandita (can’t wait ‘til you’re back on the track, chica), radio host Teddy Bynum, and the always fabulous, multi-talented Timothy Jordan. Thank you Dr. Tony Kearns for keeping us all together. A final thanks to all of our volunteers, sponsors, and fans—we couldn’t do it without you!

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